Dd(13) inappropriate messages with adult dsd

[foralliknow]

13 year old dd and young adult dsd. Dsd is lovely and I absolutely adore her but she didn’t have the best childhood and can be fairly erratic.

She goes out a lot and has several casual relationships with both men and women of varying ages. I don’t judge her for this, I only worry about her safety but she seems happy, works, has always been sensible around our dc and is an adult so not much we can do.

Dd has her phone handed in each night and occasionally checked. I wouldn’t normally read text messages between dd and dsd as I wanted to allow them some privacy and to trust dsd but messages came up tonight and scrolling through I am devastated by what they talk about. Details about things she’s done while drunk, the people she’s seeing and what she’s done with them.
A lot of this is dd prying for information and asking questions but they are not answers I want my 13 year old to know.

Dsd sometimes babysits dc and is due to next weekend but I can’t trust her and have changed plans, I have blocked dsd from dds phone and don’t want them messaging or spending time together alone.

Dh who is extremely defensive of dsd thinks I am overreacting, that it is normal for sisters to talk about these sorts of things and all that is needed is a chat with her to tone it down.

Separating from the father would bring her less control of the situation, not more.

There definitely is benefit in continuing a relationship between dd and dsd, even if supervised and limited for now, they love each other and it wouldn’t be fair on either to do that.

I also would never consider cutting dsd off, I also love her very much and worry about her.

Exposing a minor to sexual content is definitely child abuse, the step daughter can easily get arrested for this and, if convicted, be put on sex offender register. OP does not seem to understand...

Not just the OP.. many posters on this thread don’t realise it either, and just scoff when I/you/others point it out. 🤷‍♀️

I am on your side OP. Do what you think is right. The older girl is in the wrong. You have to protect your young daughter.

I just hope it will be supervised contact from now on.

WTF
I would be getting my DD well away from that, and you should be protecting her from such vile shite.

An adult is giving inappropriate sexual content to a 13 year old child. I would report to the police 100%. Would you feel differently if it was a male adult?

Very true.
My dd is almost 13 and I would be fuming if any relative told her : well I went with this guy on friday and he paid me £50 to do x,y,z in a back alley and then Saturday, i hooked up with Sophias mother from the school run and did x, y,z all in grotesque details.

Youre then saying that you and your dd13 know the guy and then you dont the guy and then you looked him on Facebook. Its all mishmash. Then youre saying they both want and agreed to mutual sex but dsd wants payment for it. Therefore its not a fwb/casual sex and dating situation its selling herself for sex. Its all gross. The fact you downplay it all and your husband has no backbone says a lot.

Protect your child and get a bloody grip.

Exactly. She sounds like she’s a prostitute op and that’s the very last type of person I would want around my child. Have you let her father know about this?

It could be that the dsd is also grooming your dd. She is an ADULT who is having VERY disturbing and inappropriate conversations with your child. That is extremely concerning

Weird of her to talk about sexual things with a 13 year old. But the talking about what she did drunk etc is just sibling chat imo. Thats what siblings do!

I am furious and concerned, that’s why I made this post. At no point have I said any of it is okay and I am protecting my child by stopping contact.

You haven’t elaborated about who this older woman and man who pays 21yos for sex are, other than that DD knows them, but I wouldn’t want them in my DD’s life either. Grim.

I did in a previous post.
The woman who is a mother of a girl in dds school and the man is just someone she’d heard of who lives near by and she would have recognised when shown a picture.

she doesn’t have any direct contact with either of them just knows who they are, I can’t do anything to further remove her from her life.

Good to hear. I wish you the best and all my love. I know its hard but it's vile from all angles

This.

But also her judgement is way off if she thinks sharing explicit details with a 13yo is fun. I would speak to them both separately and close down the sex life chat. And cancel the babysitting.

My main concern is that this way of life is being normalised by your DSD at an impressionable age for your daughter. If this has happened to me at 13 I would have thought it sounded pretty exciting and might have assumed I would also grow up and have relationships with women and be paid for sex by men. I can still remember watching Australian soaps and thinking that I should be losing my virginity as the female character on there was and I was unknowingly holding our lives up as some way similar.

This is obviously a huge worry. Dsd was exposed to similarly worrying behaviour as a child although actually witnessing it in person and it has obviously deeply affected her.

So your DSD was/is damaged by inappropriate sexual behaviour/exposure and is now, perhaps unconsciously, repeating this with her 13yo sister? Time for some therapy and very firm boundaries.