To have a baby with a man i dont love

[ComeAtMe]

I have 1 kid with my husband. I don't love my husband anymore. It used to be pretty awful, he was horrible to me, but now we have settled into housemate life. He is a good dad but he is sexist and uncaring. I do it all and I used to that now.

I know i want to leave and I will. But is it horrible of me to have a baby before I do?

I know everyone will say how selfish to the baby to bring a child into an unloving marriage, but the baby will be v loved, looked after and surely all kids would rather be alive than not?

Pls explain why its a terrible idea. I am perfectly capable of looking after a new child and loving them, with or without my husband.

I understand your want for a second child, but given the situation you are in, knowingly bringing a child into a ‘soon-to-be’ broken home is absolutely selfish of you.

I take it you were not brought up in a ‘broken-home’, had you been I don’t think you would be asking this question.

Don’t do it, my best friend did the exact same thing, it took her almost a year to fall pregnant, then after the baby was born she didn’t want to divorce while she was on maternity leave due to the stress and financial vulnerability. So she subjected her eldest to another three years of living in a toxic home.

After their second child was born the relationship deteriorated significantly, having two kids with a useless, selfish, sexist husband is a lot harder than just one. As much as you think your love and great parenting can make up for the fact that you and your husband don’t like each other and he’s an awful example of a father and husband, the truth is it can’t.

What you’re doing is selfish, not only to the child you’re planning to bring into this toxic situation, but especially to the child you already have, who will suffer from having to continue living with parents who don’t love and like each other, a father who is sexist and lazy and then being older and more able to understand and be affected by the breakdown of their family.

He’s a good dad apart from being awful, horrible, sexist, uncaring and uninvolved. I think to knowingly bring another child into this environment is at best selfish and at worst cruel. I doubt all the love from one parent can actively cancel out the lack of it from another.

How will feel when you are not with your children 50% of the time? Will that still fit your dream of being a single mum of 3?

If you had 3 kids being with them 50% of the time would be perfect!

That would involve travelling to that country, paying for all the costs that would incur and spending the entirety of your IVF treatment there (usually months, years even) or travelling over every time you need to get a new round. Be realistic. I know loads of people who’ve used donor sperm, every single one has said they would have chosen non-anonymous even if they didn’t have to. Most mothers want to give their children that option

Your post makes absolutely no sense. There needs to be more thought into having a baby then just the urge to reproduce. People need to think what sort of environment they are bringing a baby in, finances, support network and who will be bringing a baby up and involved with it. Just to have a baby because you want one and to ignore everything else is the height of selfishness.

And I'm not quite sure why you're trying to shame me about my situation. I purposely made sure I was with a loving and caring partner, who made a good father. If that makes me smug, then so be it. Yes theres nothing wrong with being in a single parent family but having two loving parents is always going to be better. That's the situation I wanted for my children and I make absolutely no apologies if that makes me narrow minded or smug. Surely most parents want the best for their children?

And you've went on about your own childhood yet still seem to be advocating for the OP to have a baby with a man who she already says is sexist and uncaring so surely you know that having a father with these qualities can impact on the child as you say so yourself. The OP isn't talking about a sperm donor, this is the route she wants to take and the father will have rights and access to the child.

Absolutely, I'm glad some people see sense. I can't believe they are people advocating for this. As if having a parent with these attributes wouldn't have an impact.

Even worse we are bizarrely seeing a poster who has said that their dad left with them such low life long self esteem go onto to say that the poster should have kids with an unloving, sexist dad and then let the dad have them 50% of the time.

I understand why you’d want this, having children by different fathers brings its own challenges and isn’t for everyone. On top of that, you feel too old to even meet someone new and know them well enough to have a child so it does make sense.

I don’t think it’s the worst decision in the world, because you feel able to financially and emotionally support two children if/when you end your marriage. It also has to be your husband’s choice though, unless you were planning on doing it without his knowledge which I do not recommend.

The problem is if something goes wrong (the baby has additional needs, you have a difficult pregnancy that impacts your health long term etc) then you won’t have the support.

You have to consider that the child could have profound disabilities, what then?
It could be caused by birth accident .Cerebral palsy can affect a child physically and mentally.

He is not a good Dad if he is sexist and uncaring. So why would you want a child with him? You know this though which is why you posted. Leave and find someone who is a good Dad and a good husband ( and by definition therefore not sexist)