To have a baby with a man i dont love

[ComeAtMe]

I have 1 kid with my husband. I don't love my husband anymore. It used to be pretty awful, he was horrible to me, but now we have settled into housemate life. He is a good dad but he is sexist and uncaring. I do it all and I used to that now.

I know i want to leave and I will. But is it horrible of me to have a baby before I do?

I know everyone will say how selfish to the baby to bring a child into an unloving marriage, but the baby will be v loved, looked after and surely all kids would rather be alive than not?

Pls explain why its a terrible idea. I am perfectly capable of looking after a new child and loving them, with or without my husband.

It’s a difficult one.. is it because you already have 1 with him, you think it’s easier to have the same dad , rather than meeting someone new and doing it all again? How would he react at having another child?

Im too old to leave and find someone else. H would love a baby in terms of being affectionate and loving, but he would do bugger all to help whether we are together or not. But im at peace with that. I want more kids. I dream of being a single mum with 3 kids!

It’s a terrible idea

You don’t love him, sounds like you don’t even like him, yet you’re prepared to have sex with him?
Thats so screwed up!!

surely all kids would rather be alive than not

Well that's an utterly ridiculous justification for bringing a child into the world 🙄

I was in a similar situation in my twenties. I decided to stick to the one child I had and got rid of the partner as soon as. To this day I regret not having a second child.

Agreed 🤷‍♀️

Can you afford to give a second child a good life on your own? Have you worked out all the financials and living arrangements?

….. I know everyone will say how selfish to the baby to bring a child into an unloving marriage, but the baby will be v loved, looked after and surely all kids would rather be alive than not. ….

I think that’s a very silly comment. If a baby isn’t conceived, there is no baby so they can never think they’d rather be alive than not.

Yes great idea to give another child a sexist and uncaring man as a dad.
Sorry but this is not a good idea.

I really hope this is just a troll

It’s one thing to have a baby with someone you don’t like, but it’s a whole other kettle of fish to have a baby knowingly with a bad man. Don’t breed with shit people, move on.

I dream of being a single mum with 3 kids!

What the hell 🫠

How will you feel if he tries for 50 50 custody so he doesn't have to pay as much maintenance, and then palms them off on someone else?

Another baby born in dysfunctional circumstances with role models that teach them that women are domestic drones and men can do what they like, so they perpetrate that for the next generation. Great. 🙄

I know i want to leave and I will. But is it horrible of me to have a baby before I do

This is exactly what my mum did. She broke up with my dad when I was a baby and had planned it.

She also told me this as a child. My Dad framed it as him leaving the family because of me, too (to save face, probably).

Don't do it. My older sister in particular was messed up for years, partly due to my parents' toxic relationship.

It's cowardly. Be brave and do the right thing, leave this man and find a better one to have a second child with

Why if you have a daughter and she has to deal with his sexism growing up while you aren’t around? Don’t keep waiting until your existing kid is older before divorcing as it just gets harder on them. And it’s shit to deliberately bring a new child into potentially a custody war, it’d be a very selfish thing to do.

You're not just being unreasonable, you're being ridiculous.

Honestly I wish my parents hadn't had me just to traumatise me. Id prefer to never have been born but here I am 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don't do it op, don't knowingly bring a child into an utterly disfunctional relationship.

Do it. If you're going to leave anyway and prepared to raise them as a single mum, go for it. You might not get another chance.

Agree. Plenty of traumatised kids and adults would rather they hadn't been born. You loving the child doesn't mean they won't be affected by their father's attitude towards them or the circumstances in which they were born.

Do not do this OP. For so many reasons I can't believe you need someone to spell out to you. Do NOT do it.

A child deserves the best possible life, not the worst.

What you're suggesting is not the best possible life - it's pretty crap.

You're only thinking of what you want, not what's best for your children.

So you want to stay long to have 2 more? What's happening to your eldest who has to languish in this unpleasant home, while you work on becoming a single mother of 3?