I am the child of a sperm donor, AMA

[DonorConceivedMe]

Someone suggested I do an AMA... I'm not sure if anyone has anything to ask but I'm here if so.

Ooooh interesting
My dd is the child of similar - my dhs sperm 💉 into my friend
How do you feel ?
Dd has always known and understands 100% that she wasn’t given away by her birth mum. She literally wouldn’t exist if not conceived for me

Ever had angst about your bio father ?
When were you told ?

Yes lots of angst about biodad. Very very curious about who he was, what he looked like, etc. I thought I'd never found out but have discovered his identity via DNA testing and sleuthing.

I found out by accident in my teens. Parents never intended to tell me.

Are you curious about siblings?

Would you consider doing the same if you had fertility issues?

I've discovered several half siblings, some of which I'm in contact with and some not. One of them doesn't even appear to know he is donor conceived and I haven't told him.

Because of my experience I would never do the same if I had fertility issues.

And I am curious about other potential half siblings. There could be dozens of them for all I know! I could have ended up dating a half sibling...

Because of my experience I would never do the same if I had fertility issues.

May I ask why this is?

Thanks for the answers

You are more than the sum of your parts.
I hope you are happy x

Have you met your bio dad - and of not, would you want to? Do you have a full family medical history?

do you think there was any way it could have been made easier for you?

my 1st boyfriend was conceived this way and he was ceremoniously told at 18, and struggled a great deal with it

Because of my experience I would never do the same if I had fertility issues.

May I ask why this is?

Not all donor conceived people feel the same as me but I really feel as if I have lost out on knowing my real father. My original "dad" was awful and I haven't seen him for many years (he and my mum got divorced), nor have my siblings. It feels really unnatural to be cut off from my roots and not know where I come from.

Thanks for the answers

You are more than the sum of your parts.
I hope you are happy x

Kind of you, thank you. I am glad to be alive and I have a family of my own now, mainly pretty happy but I'm a bit messed up I think. Not just because of donor conception, other stuff as well.

Have you met your bio dad - and of not, would you want to? Do you have a full family medical history?

I wrote to biodad having worked out who he was. He never replied. I do understand -- from his point of view he wasn't signing up to meet any potential offspring, just doing what he thought was a good deed. I would very much like to meet him but not if he is resistant. No, I have no medical history whatsoever and in fact my half siblings and I have had some major genetic medical worries which is a bit rubbish.

Got to go to bed now but I will check back tomorrow if anyone has more questions.

Thank you. I guess your folks and your folks and that’s what’s important in this life - who fed and clothed you and who wiped your nose when you were a kid.

OP this is really interesting to hear the perspective of a person conceived this way.

In today's society I often feel that the desire for a person to have a baby now seems to outweigh the rights of the yet unborn child to know their roots and where they came from.
I don't agree with anonymous egg or sperm donation this reason. I believe it's a human right to know your ancestry.

Thanks for answering my question donor, I appreciate it.

Now that sperm donors have to consent to their donor children being told who they are when the children are 18, do you think that being a donor conceived child is better than it was in the times of donor anonymity?

@DonorConceivedMe Hi, thanks for posting this, I'm reading with interest as I'm trying to conceive using donors. I have chosen open donors, meaning any resulting child could contact the donor when old enough. Do you think this would have made a difference to your situation?
I plan to be open with the child about the situation from the beginning, and am single so there is no other father taking the role.

isitfridayyet1 yes, that’s exactly how I feel.

Now that sperm donors have to consent to their donor children being told who they are when the children are 18, do you think that being a donor conceived child is better than it was in the times of donor anonymity?

It’s a bit better than my situation, but not much. There are practical problems — will the donor still be contactable via the same details it will these have changed? In this case will he remember/bother to update the clinic? Also, it’s a pretty feeble substitute for knowing your own father to be “allowed” that knowledge at 18.

See previous post WantToBeMum. The situation is even more extreme if you are planning for the child not to have any “father figure” at all.

I am glad you started this thread OP.

I am against donor conception for many of the reasons you have listed in your own posts, but on MN it is almost a taboo to suggest that donor conception is wrong because “a child won’t know any different if they are brought up by loving parents; many parents are single parents anyway; it takes more than sperm to be a father; if you have never had fertility issues you can’t possibly understand.”

It’s like someone has said upthread, we’ve got to a point where the perceived rights of the person wanting to have the baby far outweigh the rights of the adult that baby will one day become.

I believe that people like yourself should feel free to speak out more often because, just because something can be done, doesn’t mean that it should.

Me too @DonorConceivedMe I was ceremoniously told at 21 - bit shit really. I also couldn't do donor conception, and am vehemently opposed to anonymous.

I'm in the same boat as never being able to know who my donor is - how did you find yours and your half siblings? What sleuthing did you do?

Do you think you would have been happier not knowing?

You said the dad you lived with wasn't good. Do you think it was easier to cut him out, and harder to forgive his behaviour because he's not your biological father? Do you think his bad behaviour could be related to the fact you're not biologically his?

Thanks for posting this. I'm 35 and single and suffering from major depression due to feeling like I will never have children now. It was all I wanted in life and I've been suicidal over it not happening.

Everyone in real life and on here has told me that I should just go ahead with donor sperm but I've always suspected it was the wrong thing to do for the child or children involved. It's been so helpful to hear from a person conceived with donor sperm. You've confirmed what I suspected and helped me cement my own decision.

I wish you healing and peace