Am I being controlling?

[Limmies]

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

Why did you fancy him to begin with then?

I mean he’s very physically attractive despite the clothes.

You shouldn’t have married someone you despise. Poor bloke.

Yes, you are extremely controlling. If my DH started telling me he wanted me to dress like Victoria Beckham, I’d laugh in his face.

I obviously don’t despise him. Just his clothes.

Wtf? You married him. He is who he is. Leave him alone!

Of course you’re being a control freak. Why marry him and try and change him? He is who he is and has his own style. You’re not trying to help, you’re being controlling.
He’s not slightly older, he’s a different generation.

Then suck it up I guess? He dresses how he dresses because he likes it. You fancied him when he was dressed like that before. He’s not going to magically change suddenly. I don’t think it’s controlling - DP’s style has change a little over the last ten years but it’s just changed to trainers and t shirts rather than constant shirts and chelsea boots, not a completely different look. Your husband likes what he likes. I bet you wouldn’t completely change everything you wear!

Trying to control what someone can wear falls under behaviours that could be considered coercive control of a partner due to the impact it has on autonomy and agency - I don’t at all make an accusation that this is what is occurring as it is a very minor part of a much bigger picture of a relationship dynamic but I think SIL was right to bring it up as it isn’t indicative of a totally healthy relationship

I don’t want him in Chelsea boots. Some plain trainers and a nice jumper/shirt would be fine. Instead of the biker jacket and skinny jeans.

Didn't Beckham once wear a skirt and head band? I've no idea what he wears now, I just see the tatts.

My DH wears smart casual trousers and nice jerseys. He's a very staid dresser.

@Limmies you married your dh and knew what he was like. You can't change him really.

If you prefer the look of David Beckham, feel free to dress like him.

Yes.

You dated him and married him knowing that is what he wears. Live with it or leave.

Interesting use of the word "slightly".

Yeah, I'm afraid this is a bit controlling.

His style does sound cringe, but that's who you chose.

Also, there are much more creative types of mature men's outfits than David Beckham's, who is the polar opposite of your husband. I'll try to think of some....

You are totally right OP. He should smarten up for you. What a joker.

You've just married him?! If this was a sudden change or he'd aged during your time together and not amended his style I could maybe understand this but it's not great for newlyweds to be berating their over halves dress sense.

Leave him alone

Nothing ott. Not asking him to hire a stylist. Just look more put together and “grown up”

I like the sounds of your husband’s clothes much more than David Beckham’s boring Deano wardrobe.

You are being controlling.

YABU because his style is a direct reflection of his passion / lifestyle. It’s not just a plain non-style, like when a bloke just wears anything from the Next catalogue and happens to pick the wrong colour / pattern.

It sounds like he still dresses the way he did in the 90s and 00s. Why the sudden ick?

Yes you are being controlling same if he tried to control you but mn never agrees because double standard

Controlling and unpleasant. Rein yourself in op, you’re sounding awful!

Reverse this. If a man told a woman what to wear on here it would be controlling. You’ve not liked the way he dressed so why try and change him and why marry him? If DH tried to change anything about how I dressed there would be an issue.

Slightly?