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Original poster

Am I being controlling?

469 replies

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:43

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

OP posts:
dawngreen · 02/02/2026 21:36

Why not have one night a month, when the both of you gets to say what the other person wears on a night out?

He might decide he likes the new look, and you might realise its no fun been told what to wear.

hcee19 · 02/02/2026 21:41

You obviously must have known what he dressed like before you married him. Did you think once you were married you could change him? If you did, your not the person he thought he was marrying. Poor bloke...

Dimpledaisies · 02/02/2026 21:49

He sounds way to cool for you tbh why the hell should he change what he wears for you. You sound awful. Maybe throw on a band tee and stop being such a stuck up cow

Laurmolonlabe · 02/02/2026 21:49

I'm afraid loving someone means accepting their taste- yes wanting to dress him is extremely controlling. 16 years difference in age is not a "slight" age difference.

PardonMe3 · 02/02/2026 21:50

Did you marry him for who he is or who you think you can mould him into?

Bravemama · 02/02/2026 21:52

Does he buy you clothes and ask you to smarten up a bit and look less like a child when you go out? Sheesh.

venus7 · 02/02/2026 21:58

I wouldn't accept style advice from anyone who takes inspiration from David Beckham or who uses the term 'smart-casual.

TalkToTheHand123 · 02/02/2026 22:27

Bravemama · 02/02/2026 21:52

Does he buy you clothes and ask you to smarten up a bit and look less like a child when you go out? Sheesh.

I'd imagine OP dresses classy or else she wouldn't have posted a message about poor dressing so wouldn't be needing to be advised. A lot of men (tramps) need to sharpen up, no harm a bit of encouragement.

Tillow4ever · 02/02/2026 22:32

InterestedDad37 · 31/01/2026 23:15

(Please ignore)

Edited

Your original comment was along the lines of my first thought too. Although I didn’t think a particular profession. Still reading through and hoping I’m wrong… but either way it’s very controlling behaviour.

canisquaeso · 02/02/2026 22:36

You need to leave it alone - it’s his personal preference, nothing to do with you. I get where you’re coming from but it is controlling, especially if he doesn’t want your input.

My boyfriend has a penchant for logos that kills me inside and no one can seem to pry away skinny jeans from him (the most I’ve managed were slim cut), but at the end of the day it’s his preference. It does feel like a waste because he’s built like a model, but it’s what makes him happy and he doesn’t moan about my grandma cardigans either.

canisquaeso · 02/02/2026 22:38

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 02/02/2026 21:02

I have a lot of men like this over years who are stuck on the wannabe rock/ film star mode and usually really fancy them selves to hilt.They dress as the fantasy

A bit sad really.

However you did marry him after all.

As for David Beckham.Dear Me

He probably has an army of stylists and dressers who advice him on what to wear to grab publicity. Plus he is married to Lady Vic. Enough said.

If your husband is really bugging you. Stop moaning Dump him and find someone else.

I agree lol - I’m sure if beckham was dressing himself with no professional help we’d see a very different version.

ChaliceinWonderland · 02/02/2026 22:42

17 years older. Good luck. He' ll be 60 when you are 43.

Let him be, If it's embarrassing to be seen with him you've only yourself to blame.

jbm16 · 02/02/2026 22:48

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:46

I obviously don’t despise him. Just his clothes.

Show quote history

That's part of him... off course you are being controlling, I can understand wanting him to dress more smartly on occasions but telling him what type of clothes to wear isn't acceptable, I would laugh it off as well if my DH tried to dictate what I wore.

DBSFstupid · 02/02/2026 23:04

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:43

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

He's not "slightly older" is he? He is 16 years older!

Julimia · 02/02/2026 23:14

You arebeing unbelievably controol8ng
Did he wear completely different things before you were married? I suggest you back off big style

Julimia · 02/02/2026 23:16

You are being unbelievably controllingg
Did he wear completely different things before you were married? I suggest you back off big style

ErinBell01 · 03/02/2026 01:08

There's no way you're going to change his style of dressing if he actually likes it, rather than just doesn't care. You should know that women who expect to change their husbands after marriage usually fail. I nag at my husband when we're going out to make sure he's wearing something clean, tidy and not stained/marked/torn but it's a constant effort to make sure he doesn't go out looking like a tramp. He just doesn't care. I now hide his old clothes until he's forgotten about them then I can throw them out.

DeepRubySwan · 03/02/2026 02:07

He's not slightly older he's 16 years older! So maybe he has become more.relaxed with what he wears over time.

Jack80 · 03/02/2026 06:54

You knew what he was like before you married him clothes wise, it's ok for you to buy him something and suggest he wears it but you can't put him down for the clothes he likes or tell him not to wear them, he has a choice as an adult.

Genevieve29 · 03/02/2026 08:24

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:43

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

16 years is not "slightly older". This is you aspiring to be young and trendy (well, trendy-ish - David Beckham??) while he's a grown man with an established identity. Afraid you need to grow up.

nutbrownhare15 · 03/02/2026 09:02

If it bothers you I don't know why you married him. He clearly doesn't want to change.

Snakebite61 · 03/02/2026 09:41

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:43

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

Why did you marry him in the first place?

Blades2 · 03/02/2026 10:42

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:43

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

You’d hate me. I wear all this and more. He’s a rocker, it’s how we dress. Surely this isn’t a new dress code of his or did you think he would change after you hooked him on?

My partner is the polar opposite to me music, dress and back ground wise, and would never try and change how I express my individuality.

Yes. You’re controlling. 🤮

BauhausOfEliott · 03/02/2026 11:23

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:55

Nothing ott. Not asking him to hire a stylist. Just look more put together and “grown up”

OP, you need to understand that he doesn’t like those kinds of clothes and doesn’t feel right in them.

If you had to wear clothes every day that you really hated, and which gave people a false impression of the person you are and were the antithesis of who you are, you would miserable. So stop trying to make your husband do that. It’s horrible.

Your husband isn’t a doll for you to dress up.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 03/02/2026 11:26

Been following this thread out of curiosity and it strikes me that if this is all you have to worry about in your marriage you have too much time on your hands and should count your blessings.

Late DP and I are both "unconventional / eccentric" dressers, am a vintage Goth, and if anyone tried to "encourage" me to become a better aesthetic accessory to them they'd get short shrift. Basic hygiene requirements are one thing, but changes of image for shallow reasons are off the table.

Definitely controlling. People in their late 40s / 50s are who they are, and can change if they want to. Or not. It's a free will thing....