Am I being controlling?

[Limmies]

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

No one I know has a say in how their husband dresses.

No one.

Luckily my DH is very stylish and a great dresser. He will sometimes ask my opinion on an item and I'll be honest but constructive.

Imagine if a husband tried to tell his wife what to wear!

He sounds cool to me.

Nothing 'sudden' about it.

My DH has managed to dress himself throughout all the decades I've known him. There's been some occasions when I've said "I really like that grey jumper, it suits you" or something which I guess could be seen as positive reinforcement for choices in a certain style, or, could just be seen as a compliment.

But the only time I've had any sort of say in what he wore was for our wedding when I said "What you thinking about, clothes wise for you, best man, ushers and Dads?" but even then it was him (them ? I don't now, I wasn't there) who chose them, after we'd talked together about how 'formal' or otherwise we were going.

I wouldn’t call 16 years at your age a slight age gap. Did he only start wearing rocker clothes after you got married? Was he in trendy stuff before marriage?

Again, why did you get together with someone who's appearance you hate?
It doesn't make any sense.

Is that the husband in the first picture?

16 years isn’t “slightly,” it’s a whopping age gap. Especially at barely 30 and nearly 50.

It’s not surprising or unreasonable to get the ick from his manchild attire, but obviously if he’s pushing 50 and trying to dress/date younger he’s got a serious midlife crisis/Peter Pan Syndrome thing going on. You’re not going to change him.

He might hate what you wear. But I bet he'd never try to change it.

Yes you are controlling.

You’ll never shift him from where he is to those images you shared. Which I have to say are really bland and boring. You can’t Blue Harbour the poor guy.

You need to meet him where he is and polish it.

All Saints is your friend.

The common trope is that as soon as a woman gets a ring on her finger, she sets about changing her man.

You're helping to give women a bad name.

You are being controlling. My husband doesn't dress exactly how I'd like him to dress either but he's not my possession, I don't get to dress him up like a doll or mould him into something else. He is his own person. Your poor husband. I'm glad his sister stuck up for him.

The OP is clearly controlling, but i don't have any sympathy for the husband either- he's a 47 who has married a shallow 31 year old - he's old enough to know better.

I love a good bedtime story

He's obviously found his style.if he was a rocker then he feels comfortable. I would not like to be told what to wear.its part of our personality. You say he's a good looking guy so he can carry it off.every bloke looks like they have swallowed M and S ot Next! Be glad he's an individual and relax!

To me you sound shallow and judgemental. And controlling. Sorry but you asked and I'm answering honestly.

Sure, women do sometimes influence what their husbands wear, but I think this is most common in situations where the bloke basically doesn't care about clothes or have a sense of his own style and is therefore happy to defer to advice. This doesn't seem to be the case here. Marrying someone in the hope that you can change them is never a good idea - naive at best, unpleasantly controlling at worst.

Style is subjective and a lot of people (me included) love a band t-shirt / rocker style. It's fine not to like it yourself but I don't understand why you're taste should trump that of your husband's in a world where everyone has the right to dress pretty much as they wish (within reasonable limits). If your husband were trying to wear pink suits to funerals or scruffy band t shirts to weddings, you'd have a right to protest, but when it comes to meals out and most other occasions, I don't think you do. Likewise if he started to suggest that you change your style, I bet you wouldn't be too chuffed with that. Why is a wife's taste more important than a husband's?

How's it a nasty comment re my Dad? My Dad's a catch! All the ladies love my Dad, he looks a lot younger than his age.

Nor have I suggested you've married an "old bloke", your DH is the same age as mine, and he too is extremely handsome and fit.

Perhaps I touched a nerve...

I think caring about what other people wear and how it reflects on us is something we only really do when we are young and easily swayed by peer pressure.

He actually does sound like a cool guy. 😟

You sound controlling, judgemental and incredibly superficial. Leave the poor bloke alone with his preferred style.

😆 🤣. I thought the same, but who knows? If the guy in the first picture is the husband then at least he hasn't got the 90s checked shirt and jumper combo.thats a massive relief 😅. Xx

I mean, how would it go down if he told you what to wear? If you want a David Beckham type you should have married one.

I love the City slicker look but Im sensible enough to realise that my husband wouldnt be comfortable in the formality of that style. Give up now OP and understand that your husband isnt a Barbie or Ken doll. Stick to refining your own look.

This look only works because the men are celebrities to begin with.

If Joe Average dressed like this, you would think his clothing looked silly.

😆 🤣. I keep thinking of the poor husband with the skinny older man legs with biker leathers on and the band t shirt 😆 🤣 😂. Would be even funnier if it was the scissor sisters 😆 🤣 😂.

I think you’re being incredibly controlling and very very unreasonable. I would much rather my husband wore Chelsea boots, a biker jacket, and skinny jeans than either of the two outfits in the photos you’ve posted, but would never ever tell him that.