Am I being controlling?

[Limmies]

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

Don't try to change him. Accept him for who he is. It sounds like he cares about what he wears and the style matters to him and reflects his interests. This definitely sounds like a you problem not a him problem.

Controlling and disrespectful. You're nearly 2 generations younger and to boot you dont like his tattoos either. Leave him alone or leave him but STOP telling him, criticising him about what he wears.

Does your older husband have money? I can't imagine why else you'd marry someone who's style you despise so much. You must have been attracted to him before you married him surely & I'm guessing he wore the same clothes back then or did you think once you married him he'd change for you? It's controlling behaviour on your part. How would you feel if he asked you to start wearing his style of clothes? You not change for him so why should he change for you.

This is absolutely controlling.
You're trying to change a massive thing about him that he's clearly comfortable with and likes.

I know the style you're talking about and it doesn't look like he's a man child FFS. You just don't like it.

For the sake of your comfort, he should be uncomfortable is what you're suggesting.

Haven't RTFT.... Was this post a wind up?

OP you must have known he dressed like this before you married him for his looks and money.

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Oh my god you married him like that. Why are you trying to change him now.. Yes your controlling.. Does he tell you what to wear. Leave him alone. Plus he's alot older than you. Maybe this is going to work. He'll meet someone his own age and they can happily skip down the road in their clothes you don't like.

If my wife started to ask me to change the way I dressed after we had been married we would have some serious words. Frankly, you need to take the guy for who he is...that is the person you married after all. Maybe a change here and there for more up market occasions but day to day, let him be himself

I love a mature "rocker" look! Count yourself a lucky woman!!!

You literally said

> Agree. Absolutely genetic and bland with zero style or personality.
> I would hate a man dressing so dull and meh

So you don't think hating someone for how they dress is judging them?

Totally agree that the OP is being controlling and unpleasant about her husband.

But just to be clear - he's 16 years older than her. That's not even one generation, let alone two! A generation is around 20 years - the time it takes for one person to become and adult and have children.

Yes very controlling. You don't marry someone and then try to change how they dress ffs.

It is in his best interests though for him to be more presentable. He may even prefer being smarter in appearance when he gets used to it rather than continuing to wear raggy clothes and appearing neglected.

How is it in best interests to change the way he dresses? He's 47 and wears band tshirts and leather jackets - nobody said anything about raggy clothes or looking neglected. I'm assuming he is successful and happy in his life (apart from the nagging wife), I can't see any benefit to him to start dressing like David Beckham.

There is nothing positive about trying to change how your DH likes to dress.

I think it comes down to having to admit to yourself you married an aging rocker- not a David Beckham look alike. Why should her husband appear to be someone he is not just because he married someone immature and controlling who thinks she can change who he is?
True it was his mistake marrying her, but it shouldn't be such a huge mistake you lose your own identity.

I wonder why the poor bloke married you? You clearly don't like him much.

Why did you want to marry him if you find him so unattractive?

His sister is correct. You need to get off his case and stop being so controlling.

Well maybe he doesn't want you to be such a controlling bit*h. Lets hope he is writing on a male forum about his controling horrible wife, saying he wished he had never married you.