Am I being controlling?

[Limmies]

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

I’m calling bs on this one. There’s no way this is true.

I’m actually laughing at him now, his current look, as we are saving money by keeping the heating bills down, is normal clothes plus jumper , plus a red towel dressing gown he’s had since he was 15 and a down padded black gillet jacket on top for warmth! He looks fab and also like he escaped from an institution 😍
just saying, things could be worse!

(Please ignore)

Hardly. His sister was down visiting. And I suggested what would look nice to the restaurant we were going to. All said in a nice, positive manner. Not putting anyone down.

The look’s worked well enough for him he’s got a 31 year old wife. Perhaps he can find another one who actually likes it.

Yet, she told you to "Leave him alone".

If it was a suggestion, in a nice positive manner, then why did she say it?

It’s not normal to tell someone what to wear in this situation.

Does he even own those clothes? Oh, I guess he does, because you keep buying them for him. How disrespectful.

Im really sorry but ‘leave him alone’ is not a response to a polite suggestion.

Either you don’t realise what and how you said it, are pleading ignorance, or he’s fed up of being badgered about it he’s confided in his sister before this exchange.

He completely changed his dress sense after you got married?
That's really odd.
Has he explained why? Was there a trigger for that?

Unless he's radically changed what he wears since you got married I'm wondering why you married him if his clothing choices matter so much. You can't marry someone as a "project". You have to accept him the way you married him or leave.

A 16 year age difference isn't slightly older, especially when you are only 31.

There’s no nice positive way to tell a grown adult what they should wear in front of their family,

Its rude patronising controlling and condescending.

YABU

He's not "slightly" older than you, the age gap is more than half of your age. He's almost 50yrs old and you're only 31.

You knew how he dresses before you married him, what were you thinking if you despised his look so much? Your signature on the marriage certificate is barely dry and you've already got the ICK. If you're embarrassed of him, you shouldn't have married him. Do him a favour and divorce him before you bring children into this sham.

As for the photos you've posted of your preferred look, my 75yr old Dad wears that look, perhaps he'll be more to your liking, and he's only "slightly" older than you.

BTW If your DH dresses anything like Johnny Depp - yum!

Why don’t you tell him the truth? You’re embarrassed to be seen out with him. And yes, you are being controlling - it’s the very definition of controlling, to try and alter someone to fit in with your vision of how they should be.

Slightly older?! 16 years is a generation.

This. OP I am thinking your marriage won't last long.....

That's totally unnecessary.

My husband is much more into clothes than me and will occasionally tell me he’s not that keen on something I’m wearing. I respond saying I don’t care what he thinks because I like it and I’m going to wear it anyway. He says ‘fair enough’ and then we both get on with our lives.

Of course you can feel however you feel but YABU to try and make him not wear the clothes he likes.

good grief, he's not 5 years old!

A man who's 'slightly' close to 50 is going to look a lot better in a band t shirt and leather jacket than he is gussied up to match his 31 year old wife.

Jeeze OP. My husband sometimes wears boots with socks pulled up. I realised before we married I had to be ok with this or break off the relationship.

Why are we suddenly acting like it isn’t a common trope that women have a say in what their husbands wear?

Omg DB with all that writing all over his skin - yuk he looks permanently dirty 🤢

why on earth did you marry him if this is major issue for you?

Really nasty comment re your 75 yo dad.

My husband is extremely handsome and fit. I have not married your typical old bloke.