Ex doesn’t want our child more than every other weekend!

[SassyCrab]

Me and my ex broke up 3 months ago and he has said he can only have our child every other weekend which is usually a 7pm pick up Friday and late drop off Sunday. But I’m just find it overwhelming at the minute doing everything by myself accept 4 times in a month, when I try to have an adult conversation about it he will just say “this is what you wanted so you will have to suck it up” and that “he still needs a life” it’s not fair that our child only sees his dad every 2 weeks for a short space of time. I understand he works 5 days a week and his hours are long but something needs to be done as I’m doing absolutely everything why he basically lives his life as he wants. If I took this further with court, I’m not asking 50:50 I just want more than 4 times in a month! Would they honour more time or take it as he still doing something?

You can’t force someone to care for their child, and nor should you even want to.

He is ultimately the loser but he can’t see it.

No court in the land is going to force a parent to spend time with their child

just ensure that his paltry involvement is at least reflected in his CM

Mine told me he was going to go for custody (no surprise there). Then buggered off to the other end of country and didn't see them more than once a year. I was left with five children under eight, no family support, no money and singlehanded.

Sadly, you can't make them step up. They can do what they like and we have to take it.

This is such a horrible common scenario. You can't force a parent to parent - and really, why would you want your kids to go to a man who doesn't want them 😥.

You sound like a good mum - your kids have got you and thats the important thing.

Do your parents help out at all? Or In-laws?

No OP, if you take him to court and he says he will only do 2 weekends a month the court will simply say- okay, crack on.

No court has or ever will force him to do more than what he says he will do.

Isn’t that 2 weekends a month? Not 4?

you can’t force anything

I sympathise. I’ve been single 5 years now and my exh has our kids EOW and some of the holidays. In fact when we first split he was doing every 3rd weekend at most. I don’t get any maintenance atm either.

How old is your child? It takes some time but it’s easier for me now than it was a few years ago. Mine are 10 and 7 and a lot of fun to be with these days. Don’t get me wrong it’s still tiring but it’s a bit less exhausting than it used to be.

Imagine a family court system where the judge would FORCE a parent to have more time with their child despite said parent saying - nope, don’t want anything to do with the kid but I will pay CMS

And as others have said there’s no system in place that will force him to look after his child more. It’s not considered in the best interest of the child.

I feel a lot of resentment towards my ex, particularly the money side. But I’m trying to change my mindset that I’m glad that I am seeing more of my kids growing up than he is.

Wrong thread

Welcome to the club. It’s shitty, it’s unfair, it’s a failure of society but here we are.

Oh come on

We are parents. Do you also impose zero limits?

You can’t force someone to parent a child

you couldn’t imagine just handing the child to him and saying I’ll look after them every other weekend ?

out choices are not always the ones we want

No court is going to force a parent to spend more time with their child then they want.

Yep, I feel for you but you can’t do anything. ExDP has our DC two nights a month. This is not reflected in his Child Maintenance as he’s told them he’s unemployed, so they’ve said he doesn’t have to pay anything. He’s an embarrassment of a human being. However, he’s the one who will miss out.

Yes, it’s fucking gruelling - and I’ve only got the one. But I’ve accepted the relative poverty and the lack of adult time as I know it’s a short-term thing. Year on year life gets easier. My income increases, and the time I get to myself becomes longer and richer. And at the end of it, I’ll also have the bonus of knowing I achieved it by myself.

Again wrong thread
I am sorry!!

There's nothing you can do. The court can't force him to see his kids. I personally wouldn't want my kids going every weekend . It means you get all the mundane weekday stuff and none of the fun weekend stuff. Is there other people who want to be involved with the kids, grandparents or aunty's and uncle's? Maybe, they could help with childcare. You need to find support outside if their dad.

Well if that’s the case then men have it so easy, they can just decide what they do and if they want to see there child more then they can just go to court, it’s unfair!

I get to some person 2 weekends in a month is better than nothing, but where I have a toddler who is hardwork I’m just finding it overwhelming as my family don’t help out a great deal and don’t see them that much either. Just want his dad to have him an extra few days a month to give me some breathing space as I do get overstimulated/ overwhelmed quite easily. He’s not a bad dad but he does this to spite me for breaking up with him and rather take it out on his son. It is what it is I guess, he does give me decent child maintenance but just don’t feel like it’s beneficial to our son to see him every 2 weeks

Its 24 weekends a year more than my kids father has ever taken them and I don't have family around either. Unfortunately you cannot force him to have your child.

You think it’s in your son’s best interests of him to spend time with someone who actively doesn’t want to spend time with him??!

Not “unfortunately” at all!!

Unfortunately either parent can take this stance, but it’s usually the father. No, you can’t force him to see his children. It’s generally considered not in the best interests of any children to spend time with someone who is being court ordered to do so.

If you think he’s doing it deliberately, could you try reverse psychology and give the impression you don’t want him to have them at all?

My ex and i have had that exact set up for 8 years. I like it that way... even though DS is disabled and i'm 'on-call' for everything 24/7 for him. The time he's with his dad is my respite time.

ExH has the option to have them more and initially he chose not to, now the kids (teenagers) prefer it here. DD16 only goes to stay once a month these days. He doesn't have them much during holidays either.

Ultimately, i provided a safe, loving, stable, fun home environment and left his relationship with the kids up to him.. that is HIS responsibility. DD has decided she wants as little to do with him as possible, DS is enjoying having one weekend a month just him and his Dad.

I wouldn't want to give my child to a father who doesn't want that extra time with them. It is not in the child's best interests to do so.

I am the sole parent to my child and have no help. I also get no CM. I just crack on with it and make the best of the situation.

He’s not a bad dad

Yes he his.

He's abandoning his child just to spite you. Why do we set the bar so low that this could be considered not bad? He's an awful Dad.

But what about the mothers on here (and elsewhere) that would like more time to themselves? We just don’t get that option but men do!?!

If the courts are not forcing fathers to step up then they are forcing the mothers to do it by default, even when those mothers are burnt out and desperate for some down time themselves.

I mean men know they can get away with it without being judged as harshly as women, plus women have been socially conditioned from childhood to pick up the slack for useless men and to make everything ok for the kids by suffering in silence. It’s not fair though is it?