Ex doesn’t want our child more than every other weekend!

[SassyCrab]

Me and my ex broke up 3 months ago and he has said he can only have our child every other weekend which is usually a 7pm pick up Friday and late drop off Sunday. But I’m just find it overwhelming at the minute doing everything by myself accept 4 times in a month, when I try to have an adult conversation about it he will just say “this is what you wanted so you will have to suck it up” and that “he still needs a life” it’s not fair that our child only sees his dad every 2 weeks for a short space of time. I understand he works 5 days a week and his hours are long but something needs to be done as I’m doing absolutely everything why he basically lives his life as he wants. If I took this further with court, I’m not asking 50:50 I just want more than 4 times in a month! Would they honour more time or take it as he still doing something?

I heartily agree that legal sanctions should be in place: I think Child Maintenance is a farce, and I honestly think prison time should be mandated in some cases. Ditto bringing our boys up to know better, and our daughters to only accept equality.

So you've got a Dad who for whatever reason doesn't do 50/50, your plan is to put them in jail where they're not earning to pay maintenance or able to see their child? Most women don't actually even want 50/50 so will they have to go to jail if they fail to agree?

I don't WANT to do a lot of things but I know there'll be serious consequences if I don't, so I do.

When there aren't any consequences and people let me get away with being a lazy arse, I generally do that.

Stop supporting a system that allows men to live with no consequences.

@Empthy do you have children?

I mean…. Where to start

Why does that matter? What is it you're about to gotcha me on if I say yes? And what if I say no?

You can try just to have a bit more self-worth. Value yourself a bit more and expect more from men. If you have boys, raise them better. You can start there.

No, I don’t agree with that re: 50/50, nor have I actually said that. FWIW if you read my previous posts in this thread, I’m in a situation where my ex has our DC two nights a month. I’ve accepted that position as I won’t put my child in a position where they’re unsafe, or vulnerable, and I would never force my child into the company of someone who clearly doesn’t give a shit about them.

But I’m pretty fucked off at the fact that shit men get away with being shit parents. And I do think there should be better measures in place to prevent it. But I don’t know what those measures might be. I do know Child Maintenance isn’t fit for purpose.

So what would happen in situations like this where a couple break up and both parents say they only want the children alternate weekends?

What would the Court do about Monday-Friday care?

If they can’t force parents to have the children more than they want then what is the answer?

I just don’t understand how a dad can decide to abandon his responsibilities towards his children and then be allowed to do it and the mothers just have to suck it up.

Perhaps by reading my other posts on this thread?

Any dad who can only be arsed to see their own children, 4 days out of 30, IS a shit dad and a disgrace and I can't believe these women would get with a bloke and have kids with him, after KNOWING this information. Astounding.

You won't be able to force him to have your child more.

Slightly different situation but we only have my partners kids every second weekend due to his ex not allowing them here more from the start and as time has gone on with her allowing no further access we have realised any more would not work for us now so he has left it at that and has decided he won't be able to take them any more days due to various reasons, there will be no way for her to force him if she changes her mind but it's a situation she created.

If the mother was dead and the dad said 'i don't want to care for this child' what do you imagine would happen? The state doesn't just say 'OK bud, we'll sort it out for you, seeing as you don't want to'. No. They'd be legally bound to step up and do it.

The reason they don't is because they know they don't have to if the mother can be FORCED to pick up the slack instead. It's a safety net we all provide for men, but never for women.

And as for deliberately harming a child or putting them at ANY 'risk' - that's a crime. Most people are not criminals so it's tiresome to hear that men will immediately start beating their children or starving them or leaving them alone all weekend.

You can expect all you want you will be disappointed

I can tell that, just from your responses.

Your supposed to love your children more than you hate your ex some people didn't get that lesson

FYI BOTH my exes thought that leaving me with my own children and not paying (until forced) was punishing me jokes on them my kids are great

They would go into care. They wouldn’t be left with a wilfully neglectful parent. The state would take over. Some parents just never step up.

What would he do if the children asked to see more of him? They will eventually have a voice.

You cannot just 'give up your child to care' because you just don't feel like doing it. Most men are not willfully neglectful to the point of children being removed. And if they are that's a CRIME, for which they can and should be prosecuted

That's a fear mongering lie we tell ourselves. Men manage to be perfectly capable of doing things for which there are adequate consequences.

I think so many men are like this .Often they say they want a family because its the done thing .Or their wives want DC.I reality its hard work .Annoyingly its for them to step up and EOW is fairly standard .Most courts wont push for more Im afraid .Do you have a friend with similar age DC? Can u swap so you get a bit of time off.I think to make the most of your time off .Dont get swamped with jobs .Have a lie in ,see friends ,whatever

My middle child asked to see their dad he came to my house sat our son in his car and told him no, no he wasn't taking him to stay at his house for the night so he can stop playing me up and trashing the house because it wasn't going to happen stop throwing a tantrum and I might see you more then he cut contact with him further blamed me stopped seeing them moved away because I was being difficult about him seeing the children everyone assumed i was cutting contact reality is i was trying to increase it! He literally sat and sobbed at a mutual friend s house saying i had stopped him coming to see them they bumped into me at the supermarket with the kids and I moaned he ditched them so I had to bring them shopping she said he told us a different version i showed her the text it was enlightening for her all I wanted was a few hours a week to get the shopping and ironing done i never was given the opportunity

I’m not sure that their Father being prosecuted will make up for what’s already happened and in the more likely scenario, there are plenty of ways for a man to make a child feel unwelcome and unwanted that are wrong and cruel but aren’t necessarily criminal. And children are not stupid. They know when they are wanted. I cannot imagine why anyone would want their child or any child subjected to that in order to get a break, And yes it’s wrong that they aren’t taking care of their child but it’s equally wrong to force children into a situation that risks their emotional and physical wellbeing.

on the basis you suggest her who didn’t want to care for his child should be imprisoned - I’d rather not

@Empthy am I correct in thinking you don’t actually have any children and nor you @BlackCrowKing ? The ones suggesting a parent should be FORCED to have their child despite openly saying they want nothing to do with the child?

They aren't really legally bound to care for their child. They can't be forced to. The state WILL step in and care for a child in this situation.