90 year old grandma and cousins’ stepchildren

[Unlisted]

My grandma is 90 and there will be a massive afternoon party for just two hours in a hotel paid for my mum, aunt and uncle.

All her descendants, their partners plus nieces and nephews without partners and one surviving sibling and two of her surviving cousins, one with husband. The surviving sibling and cousins will have one of their children with them given their advanced age.

Grandma does not want my cousin’s two stepchildren invited , they are teenagers who live almost exclusively with their mother.

Cousin has said her husband doesn’t want her to go with her elder child and their joint child.

Elder child’s dad has stepped in and insists that he will take child himself and sit in bar to wait for him.

My cousin, brother of this cousin is coming home from Japan for this.

My aunt has said she will make sure their joint child will be there as well.

What for you all think about this? Is cousins’ husband unreasonable.

Grandma is a dick.
Why exclude these children.
My grandma was actually my step grandmother and loved us all wonderfully.

It's your Grandma's party so it's up to her. I quite understand why she doesn't want 2 unrelated teenagers there.

Your grandma is unreasonable in not allowing the children to go.

What’s her reasoning?

Shame GM is nasty enough to exclude children

Ate these teenagers even bothered?

How often does she see them, and how does this compare to others?

Whats granny's beef????
have the kids done something to her?

Its a glorified family reunion....the more the merrier surely?

Your grandmother should focus on celebrating her big milestone with her lovely family instead of focusing on creating drama where it’s not needed. Honestly who needs this tension, life is hard enough, let the teens be there.

Why are the adults letting her play these nasty games ?
I can guarantee she has a history of this......everyone is dicks for going along with it and.not cancelling the party unless it turns out the teens have nicked her pearls or whatever.

I'm confused about who the step children live with and whose children they are.

When did the Step Great-Grand Children last visit Step Great Granny? Does she even know them?

And, who's paying for this big do?

How lovely just what anyone reaching 90 wants as a birthday present a mums net thread where strangers bitch about you.

OP hasn't written her post very well it's all a bit muddled.

Ultimately, it's granny's party and we all know not everyone get invited to all the parties.

Blending families is an individual choice you can't force everyone else to also wish to blend.

Saying that, I don't see the problem personally with inviting these step people. But it's up to granny.

I think for one extra person gran is being a bit unreasonable.

The step child may already feel like an outsider and this would confirm it. I can understand why gran not fussed about seeing someone she doesnt consider family, but i wouldnt want to hurt step child's feelings just bring them along. Might be more awkward if it dramatically increased the numbers but it won't.

The dad should be taking both children out somewhere else. Sitting in bar nearby with stepchildren seems more hurtful.

@Unlisted print this thread out and use out as wrapping paper for her present
kidding, don't do that

Why exclude these children.

Because she doesn't know them? They are teenagers who live almost entirely with their mother. How many times has she met them? Would they know each other if they passed each other in the street?

Do they even want to go to a party with a lot of adults they barely know?

I could understand if this was an intimate sit down dinner or 10 people and she didn’t want them there but it’s a party with lots of people, having two extra guests there doesn’t make a difference to anyone.

I don’t know half my cousin’s partners, or their children. But if I was throwing a family party I wouldn’t invite my cousins but exclude their husbands/wives and children.

It’s the other dad that’s sitting in the bar, he sounds a bit of a shit stirrer too to be fair.

Why doesn’t gran like the teens OP?

My grandma is a lovely woman hence her family arranging this party for this milestone.

She is worried he will push them into significant photos.

She wants just family, cousin’s husband has form for trying to push his kids forward. He actually brought them to church for mutual cousin’s wedding and even brought them back to evening uninvited.

If he’s annoyed he shouldn’t try and guilt his wife and stop his stepson and younger son from going.

Their absence from photos will be heartbreaking to a 90 year old woman.

Granny’s sat there with a big spoon, stirring the pot. Not nice to exclude kids.

Her party. Her rules.

😆😆

I’m not sure why she would make such an issue of refusing to invite the stepchildren, its just causing ill feeling (and yes, I have had experience of partners’ children being pushed into photos when you don’t even know if they will still be around in a year or two. Just try to get a few photos without, is it really worth all this aggro?)

Grandma is being difficult. There’s no reason to exclude them and if they’re in a photo big deal.