90 year old grandma and cousins’ stepchildren

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My grandma is 90 and there will be a massive afternoon party for just two hours in a hotel paid for my mum, aunt and uncle.

All her descendants, their partners plus nieces and nephews without partners and one surviving sibling and two of her surviving cousins, one with husband. The surviving sibling and cousins will have one of their children with them given their advanced age.

Grandma does not want my cousin’s two stepchildren invited , they are teenagers who live almost exclusively with their mother.

Cousin has said her husband doesn’t want her to go with her elder child and their joint child.

Elder child’s dad has stepped in and insists that he will take child himself and sit in bar to wait for him.

My cousin, brother of this cousin is coming home from Japan for this.

My aunt has said she will make sure their joint child will be there as well.

What for you all think about this? Is cousins’ husband unreasonable.

@Wirrrrrral the op was asked for examples, it was not in the first few posts.

Just stop and think about the timeline - it was 6 years ago and they had only just become step relatives. Their Dad decided it was appropriate to gatecrash a wedding and push their DC into the photos.

It’s not about the food or drink it’s about inappropriate behaviour from day 1. Do you really think gatecrashing a wedding and pushing your DCs into the photos is appropriate?

Imagine being 90 and still be that nasty!

realistically how many times has this very elderly lady met her grand daughter’s husband’s children who spend most of their time with their mother?

is it really nasty to not consider these teens her great grandchildren? Did she even know their names?

I have a ninety year old great aunt. She has about twenty great grandchildren. She barely remembers the names of them all - they were all born after her eightieth birthday. Asking her to keep track of her grandchildren’s new partners and their children would be crazy.

I didn’t read the OPs post as the Dad gate crashing a wedding - she said he took his DC along to witness the church service (public space, anyone can attend, no cost implications) and that he took them in to the evening do. I’m assuming he was invited to the wedding all day with his wife OPs cousin? Maybe he thought the evening was informal and the family would be welcoming and on good form by that time of the day - but he clearly got it wrong as OP and her family are still fizzing about the 8 year old helping themselves to the vol-u-vont and rinsing the free bar !!! 6 years later.

The father helping himself to the
vol-au-vents (correct spelling), is an example of him not understanding that sometimes it's invitation only. If he doesn't get that, he's rude.

Well if this 90 year old has specifically said she wants to exclude these children I think she has kept track of them.

It might be that she doesn't remember their names but remembers that the dad's a bit of an arsehole. I think that sort of behaviour sticks in some people's memories more than names.

Don't invite him then.

They may very well be more bothered about him manoeuvring the kids onto the wedding photos than they are about a vol au vent! That was a completely batshit thing to do, however you slice it.

Do they want to come? They are teenagers. I suspect they’d rather do pretty much anything else than go to their half sibling’s great grandmother’s tea party.

She probably knows amongst the kids there are children who are are her great grandchildren and children who aren’t. She wants the children who are her great grandchildren.

I also agree she probably knows there have been arguments with this man over his children and she doesn’t have the patience for it.

children understand step families, often better than adults. Th wouldn’t tell their friends this lady is their great grandmother - why does everyone expect this lady to pretend these children are her great grandchildren?