DH doesn’t want to look after both children at the same time…

[SarahScone]

We have one DS14months together and DH has a DD9 from a previous relationship. She is with us half the time.
On the rare occasion that I want to go out for the night/evening with friends, DH makes it awkward as says he would prefer me to go on nights we don’t have his DD as it is ‘not fair on her’… Frequency wise, we’re talking once every three-four months if that.
I really don’t want to ask my friends to rearrange on this basis (although they probably would).
AIBU to think DH can look after both his children for an evening (and maybe (big maybe) an overnight, on his own?

Another one that wanted a nanny for their child.

I don't get this. What's the difference between taking them out together at the weekends and being at home for an evening and a morning with them? How is that, specifically, not fair on DD9? Why does the baby suddenly take up a lot of his time in this scenario but not at the weekends?
Why do you need 'a break'? How much does he do generally?
And for fuck's sake, it's about 3 or 4 times a year. He needs to man up and step up.

He is finding an excuse, at a guess in order to prevent you from going out while he's at home with both kids.

He's an arsehole.

Utterly ridiculous. Have you asked him why he is incapable of looking after his own two children for just one evening?

I went to a wedding abroad when our children were 1,3 and 5. My husband didn’t bat an eyelid at looking after the three children by himself for a whole week. In fact he said what a great time they had and it was a really lovely bonding experience for him.

I suspect your husband is just lazy. And enjoys making you feel guilty about having an evening out.

He's been completely unreasonable and extremely controlling.
Do not have another child with such an arse.
How long have you been with him and had HIS child in your life?

Another arsehole man not wanting to parent his children and controlling his partner with his bullshit.
You have made a huge mistake.
I would be rethinking the relationship big time and ripping him a new one.
If you do anything for his child, rethink it.

He should have thought about this before having 2 kids. Definitely a him problem. He doesn’t get to choose when to parent and you deserve some time to yourself too

What would he do if they were both with him full time?

You got yourself a man-child. Welcome to the club

Of course he can look after both DC. And DD9 can get to know her brother as well, a win all round. You should organise it more often.

WTAF. 2 kids. At once. Both his kids. FFS.

Frankly if he didn't think he could paretn two, he shouldn't have had two. He needs to get a grip.

I think you should go out and arrange a play date for his daughter three best friends so he can deal with not just his own child but her mates too. See how many times he complains about having his own kids after that...

He’s being an idiot. If he wanted his daughter to be an only child and have his full attention he shouldn’t have had another child. she has got a sibling so it is what it is and he needs to ensure they both get his attention.

Based on your update it sounds like you have a lie in the next morning. Is it this time that is the actual problem in his mind? Is this the only time you get a lie in and ge does morning duty? So these lovely breaks he gives you when he takes them
out are after you have done the hard yards of getting them up in the morning and getting them ready?

Im embarrassed for him. It’s 3-4 times a year. Does he not think your needs are important at all?

first post sums it up.

Don't let him get away with this line of argument.

he's being silly. you should be able to go out. SD won't mind, she isn't a baby at 9.
My OH is happy to stay home with both kids at night. Our kids are both 12, we have 1 each from previous and none together. I am ok with both kids but my OH has to come home in time to put his daughter to bed or she wont go. she's become so difficult we only make plans when both kids are at their other parent. Tell your OH to grow up.

Ask him why he signed up for two children if he's so incompetent.

What is tricky about a 9 year old!? Nothing. They just require your attention - which he obviously cant be fucked with. Does he actually engage much with the baby? If the baby is 14 months then maybe he just keeps him alive, but doesnt actually give him any energy!

Tough titty said the kitty! What a wet wipe.

Tell him to get a grip, they're not twins! Now that's hard work. Always around to make them, never around to look after them.

He decided to have a second child. This is the same reality many parents face when they have a baby and older child. It's good for his DD to get some time with her half brother and especially for her to have time with her dad and the baby without you there as the stepmum all the time (however good your relationship is!)

I'm sure the nine year old will love looking after the little one. He's just being pathetic. Just make sure everything is organised for the poor man, like a list of instructions!!!! Put out clothes and several changes if necessary! Does he normally look after your baby? Go and enjoy yourself and don't let him make you feel guilty.

He made two children, he needs to parent 2 children. That means if occasionally youre out hes responsible for them both

As the father he should do at least half the child care for your joint child. So you should make your occasional social plans and expect his support.

If he is uncomfortable perhaps he would like to hire a babysitter from his own funds so that he can concentrate on his other child. That’s patently ridiculous but if he wants to, has a good babysitting option, and is willing to pay for it, he has that choice.

Tell him to stop being so work shy