Page 3 | DH doesn’t want to look after both children at the same time…

Dontlletmedownbruce · 30/01/2026 10:35

I would be suddenly finding an evening hobby OP, if he did bedtime with baby alone 2 or 3 nights a week he will improve at this. I can't see why a 9 yr old is an issue, why would they need intense minding, they would be just chilling while he deals with baby. If they are out and about they would make life easier surely, minding baby while he runs to the toilet or goes up to order in a cafe. He is being really really unreasonable

takealettermsjones · 30/01/2026 10:35

Can you imagine if women came out with this shit? Society would stop bloody functioning

ResusciAnnie · 30/01/2026 10:35

What a twat. Shouldn’t have had a second child should he.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 30/01/2026 10:36

They are siblings, of course he can, how else are they going to bond as siblings sharing their dad.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/01/2026 10:37

SarahScone · 30/01/2026 10:21

To be clear, he regularly looks after them together and happily takes them out at the weekends together to give me a break. But what he objects to is being at home for an evening and a morning with both of them. He says it’s not fair on DD9 as the baby takes up a lot of his time. I don’t agree that it’s unfair. If it were a weekly occurrence and she was expressing dissatisfaction then maybe.

He is absolutely pathetic and it’s mad that you’re defending him. Not sure how he’s not embarrassed that he can’t look after his own two children, for a whole - an actual real life whole one - night. How does he think single parents manage?!?

arethereanyleftatall · 30/01/2026 10:41

I’m going to hazard a guess that the op does rather a lot of the parenting of his child too. You know you could step right back from that one don’t you op? Many step parents go for loving aunty type roles.

Rayqueen2026 · 30/01/2026 10:42

That's not a very good father if he can't look after 2 kids..Hubby happily has our 8 when I go away weekends and vice versa always has since born aswell a good team works together no questions or moans

Dontlletmedownbruce · 30/01/2026 10:43

Seeing your update, it seems really strange to me that the issue is the time split with the kids. Babies take up time, that's what happens. And older siblings learn to suck it up. Either the 9 yr old is being a spoilt previously only child and making unreasonable demands on him, or he is being really controlling trying to spend every minute one to one with her and not letting her have her own time. Or this is all BS and he is just being lazy. Either way you need to go out more. It will help them all readjust

beAsensible1 · 30/01/2026 10:46

i understand it not being fair on DD9 but its a situation he created, if it bothered him that much he shouldn't have had another so thats a flimsy excuse.

He needs to suck it up and accept the reduced attention dd is getting.

LucyLoo1972 · 30/01/2026 10:50

best time ive seen a 100% YANBU

sexnotgenders · 30/01/2026 10:54

takealettermsjones · 30/01/2026 10:35

Can you imagine if women came out with this shit? Society would stop bloody functioning

Indeed.

OP, your manchild needs to learn how to do what women (and plenty of men) manage to do day in, day out - parent the children he has created. Stop enabling him and stop making out like he is a good dad (spoiler alert - he isn’t). Your second post is what is wrong with the world - you are defending him and making excuses. Are you really so low in self esteem that you believe him “giving you a break” is actually something worthy of note. My husband and the father of my two children doesn’t happily take them out to give me a break. We both parent our children equally. To give me a break would suggest I’m doing all the parenting. Fuck that (and I say that as an actual SAHM). Raise your standards!

OneNaiceSnail · 30/01/2026 10:55

Portabello99 · 30/01/2026 09:52

So would he rather you book a sitter for your child while he is also in the house? I wouldn’t allow him to decide when you can go out especially when it’s a rare event.

I think this is a great idea! Tell him you’ve booked a sitter to look after the toddler while he’s in the house looking after the 9yo as it is too much for him. Make him feel like the pathetic shit he is

PinkBobby · 30/01/2026 10:55

I think it’s fair for him to think/say it as that age gap will mean the older kid does get less quality time and looking after two kids is usually harder than one BUT that doesn’t mean you have to change your plans.

OhCobblers · 30/01/2026 10:55

What a useless idiot he is!

firstofallimadelight · 30/01/2026 10:59

If it’s not often he’s being unreasonable. It’s nice he wants 1:1 time with his child he doesn’t live with though. I’d attempt for dates to not fall on his time but if it can’t be helped I’d go anyway. I’d be tempted to get a babysitter for your lo at your house just to show him how ridiculous he is being .

sexnotgenders · 30/01/2026 11:05

PinkBobby · 30/01/2026 10:55

I think it’s fair for him to think/say it as that age gap will mean the older kid does get less quality time and looking after two kids is usually harder than one BUT that doesn’t mean you have to change your plans.

Nonsense. Being a sibling is all about having less time with parents one on one. It’s about sharing parental attention. And for the parent, of course it’s harder with two kids. If he didn’t want that for himself or his DD, then he shouldn’t have had a second child. He doesn’t get to have that second child and then retrospectively say she shouldn’t have to share or that he shouldn’t have to work harder.

Swedemom · 30/01/2026 11:07

SarahScone · 30/01/2026 09:27

We have one DS14months together and DH has a DD9 from a previous relationship. She is with us half the time.
On the rare occasion that I want to go out for the night/evening with friends, DH makes it awkward as says he would prefer me to go on nights we don’t have his DD as it is ‘not fair on her’… Frequency wise, we’re talking once every three-four months if that.
I really don’t want to ask my friends to rearrange on this basis (although they probably would).
AIBU to think DH can look after both his children for an evening (and maybe (big maybe) an overnight, on his own?

A clear sign he doesn't take care of them alone enough. You should do something every week so he can become more used to it. Maybe take up golf? That way you can be away every Saturday or Sunday for 4-8 hours. Exercise is good for you.

Letmeloveyou · 30/01/2026 11:13

Jesus his older child is 9 so of course he can! Isn’t like they’re both babies!!

Endofyear · 30/01/2026 11:19

He has 2 children so yes, he should be able to look after them both at the same time! When I went out, my DH looked after our 5 children alone - when he worked away, I looked after them all week alone (frequently). Your DH is being ridiculous!

Jenkibuble · 30/01/2026 11:20

Largestlegocollectionever · 30/01/2026 09:29

Yes of course he can, he’s being ridiculous

This.
I know many people like this. Sadly, they have got SO used to never doing it (others involvement I mean )
Practice makes perfect. They are children at the end of the day- he is an adult !

Nancylancy · 30/01/2026 11:48

This is so ridiculous it's laughable. The 9 year old should be pretty self sufficient - he's being a prick. It's not because he can't cope. He's either very lazy or a complete moron.

Nancylancy · 30/01/2026 11:50

Swedemom · 30/01/2026 11:07

A clear sign he doesn't take care of them alone enough. You should do something every week so he can become more used to it. Maybe take up golf? That way you can be away every Saturday or Sunday for 4-8 hours. Exercise is good for you.

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Definitely this! Approach him with concern that he isn't spending enough time with them and he needs to be able to cope. What if you were suddenly taken ill? In hospital?
I went away for 5 days when my DC were 9 months and 2! DH coped perfectly fine and actually felt way more confident with them after that too.

Monty34 · 30/01/2026 12:03

I assume you asked him why ? What was the answer.

5128gap · 30/01/2026 12:10

To be perfectly honest, I much preferred to not look after two DC on my own, and would have found it easier to have just one. As would my partner. So with that in mind, if there was a way of arranging our social lives to make it as easy on the person stuck in with the DC as possible, we did that.
Obviously not to the extent of missing out on something that had to be on a set date, but if there was opportunity to input and say to friends, 'can we do next Saturday instead, because its easier for DP with the DC' we'd both have done that.

DaisyChain505 · 30/01/2026 12:13

SarahScone · 30/01/2026 10:21

To be clear, he regularly looks after them together and happily takes them out at the weekends together to give me a break. But what he objects to is being at home for an evening and a morning with both of them. He says it’s not fair on DD9 as the baby takes up a lot of his time. I don’t agree that it’s unfair. If it were a weekly occurrence and she was expressing dissatisfaction then maybe.

The fact that youve said he has both of his children to “give you a break” speaks volumes about the dynamics and your roles. He’s not giving you a break, he’s being a parent to his children.

Tell him to grow the fuck up and stop using excuses to get out of parenting. Does he think every other parent out there with more than one child doesn’t ever solo parent because it’s unfair on the children?