DH doesn’t want to look after both children at the same time…

[SarahScone]

We have one DS14months together and DH has a DD9 from a previous relationship. She is with us half the time.
On the rare occasion that I want to go out for the night/evening with friends, DH makes it awkward as says he would prefer me to go on nights we don’t have his DD as it is ‘not fair on her’… Frequency wise, we’re talking once every three-four months if that.
I really don’t want to ask my friends to rearrange on this basis (although they probably would).
AIBU to think DH can look after both his children for an evening (and maybe (big maybe) an overnight, on his own?

My husband looks after our 6 children all by himself sometimes. Because he's their parent. The baby can be a struggle at the moment, but he gets on with it.
Give yours a grip to hold tightly, and tell him to stop being so ridiculous.

His DD probably would value time just with her father, and not have his new partner there all the time.

More broadly though it’s laughable to have two children and still be unable to look after them together 14 months in.

If he couldn’t be bothered to look after both children why did he have another child? Yanbu, go out regardless he sounds a bit of a deadbeat.

I think this is the first post I’ve ever seen where 100% of people have voted the same…!

If he didn’t want to care for two children at once then he shouldn’t have had two children.

ffs i go out every single week - sometimes twice and husband has to have his teenage son, 4 year old and baby!!

This is just life with more than 1 kid!

Pathetic

This. What would he do if you were in an accident and hospitalised for a few days. Tell him he's being a twat and can look after both of them just like all other fathers with more than one child

I suggest you go out weekly, while his dd is here, until he’s mastered having 2 children. It shouldn’t take too long, tell him you have confidence in him. Off to research hobbies op! Watching movies could be a hobby, sounds relaxing.

What is his actual problem with it? Can he explain why he doesn't think it is fair? It sounds ideal to me. Little one goes to bed earlier and daughter gets a nice 121 evening with her dad. Definitely push back on this!

I hope you told him to do one.

To be clear, he regularly looks after them together and happily takes them out at the weekends together to give me a break. But what he objects to is being at home for an evening and a morning with both of them. He says it’s not fair on DD9 as the baby takes up a lot of his time. I don’t agree that it’s unfair. If it were a weekly occurrence and she was expressing dissatisfaction then maybe.

Do you think your step daughter actually cares?

He's being ridiculous. My kids actually like having just one of us from time to time.

It sounds like he doesn’t want you to go out on your own

He says it’s not fair on DD9 as the baby takes up a lot of his time

Having had a child already was he not aware babies take up a lot of time? Is he not a bit embarrassed to admit he struggles looking after the two children he chose to have by himself?

Why did he have another child if he couldn’t look after 2. He is being pathetic

Absolutely ridiculous. So he can’t parent his two children for one night ?!! This is bullshit.
I think you need to take more evenings off OP.
I leave my husband with our three small children, he doesn’t object, it’s called being their father.

Him taking his own DC out together isn’t “giving you a break”, it’s parenting and pretty much the bare minimum.

You only have 1 child, he has two. He should be behaving like a father of 2, which does include doing overnights. If he doesn’t like doing this, he shouldn’t have had a second child.

I’m presuming you won’t be having any more children with this man, because if he can’t parent 2 DC simultaneously, attempting to parent 3 would probably blow his mind 🙄

Tough. He shouldn’t have had a 2nd child then! I wouldn’t feed into this and would just say tough. If he finds it hard then it just means he needs more practice and you should go out more

Grey rock reply.

"Haha, there you go being funny again. Its obviously a funny suggestion, because you chose to have two children and only a shit dad would complain about having to look after the children he chose to have at the same time, and you arent a shit dad, are you? Right, im off to [insert literally anything in another room]'
Act very confused when he brings it up, as if he is suggesting you move to Mongolia.

What would he do if you had another child with him? Refuse to look after your youngest as its not fair on your eldest? He's just using it as an excuse to stop you enjoying an evening out. Knob.

Get a calender for the fridge and just add your night out to it. Then tell him you have added a night out on the calender. Step kid being there makes zero difference.

I don't understand why he's saying 'it's not fair' on his DD if you leave them for an eve. Surely he's got that the wrong way round - it would be fair to occasionally give him and his DD (and her little brother) some special time together!?

Perhaps he should have thought of this before having another child. My suspicion is that a 9 year old is ten times easier to take care of on his own than a 14 months old and this is he attempt at an easy life. I’d be giving a hard no to this!

Well you can tell him is that the alternative is he has your shared child 50/50 as well. And you can go out to your hearts content 50% of the time.

His older child is not your responsibility in any way.

He needs to get a grip to be completely honest. They are both his children, he is a parent. That means actually parenting sometimes. End of 🤷‍♀️