AIBU? DH failed to mention that our baby name choice is the same as one of his exes

[Toothfairy92]

We are expecting a baby girl in the next few weeks and have had a name - Laura - picked out for a couple of months. I suggested the name initially and we both agreed we liked it. It’s remained our top pick since then.

Last night we were chatting in the car and it emerges that he had a girlfriend called Laura for a “few months” about ten years ago, in his mid-twenties. It came up because I said I was glad that it was less commonly used these days, and he said he’d known a few at school, oh and he’d dated one for a bit.

Personally, I think it’s inappropriate and a bit weird to use a baby name that is shared with an ex girlfriend, even a short term one. I think I’d be really icked out calling a child a name of someone I’d been with!

I feel sad and frustrated that I’m back to the drawing board on names; and that I’d built up my bond with this baby using the name in my head. He says it just didn’t cross his mind until we talked in more detail about it last night, and doesn’t see the problem with using it. He thinks I’m BU to be a bit upset and to think it’s inappropriate. Am I?

I get why you feel the way you do, but I don’t blame him for forgetting to mention it - clearly she didn’t mean anything to him if she’s not the first thing he thinks of when he hears the name.

If you’d rather not use it now, that’s completely fine, but don’t build up resentment towards your dh for it.

YABU. with my first born we wanted to name him Ben. Happens to also be the name of my first long term boyfriend (3 years). It was a front runner up until he was born and we went with someone else based on the feel of it suiting him.
But Ben is still an option if we have another boy. As soon as it was raised by DH as a possibility the first time around all I could picture was a beautiful little chubby bay Ben, not a single thought of my ex. And my husband doesn’t give a crap about that sort of thing.

It's quite a popular name so it's not like it's unique to the ex, it was barely a relationship a decade ago and clearly he has no connotations of the name as being prevailing his ex's so it's a none issue.

You’ve just reminded me that I briefly dated someone with the same name as my son!

Is Laura not a bit like Rachel and Sarah anyway? Dated and not in a charming way.

@Toothfairy92 op if he had picked the name out and was adamant . Then it would seem he still had a thing for said female.
However he agreed he liked the name you picked and it definitely doesn’t seem it was because he was thinking of a brief fling.

Wow . Rather extreme. .

My school was full of lauras. If it was a more unusual name you’d probably have a point but not this one.

Someone he briefly dated long ago- fine. If it were a long term relationship I’d agree with you.

He should have mentioned it but it’s fine to use it

pregnancy makes us all a bit emotional (or in my case loopy) at certain points. I remember having a meltdown over a lovely baby blanket MIL had crocheted because of the direction of the stripes 😩

hole the birth goes well

Sorry but he is right and YABVU. This is simply not worth getting even a tiny bit upset about. A briefly dated 10 years ago ex had the same (very common) name that you’d picked out? Not even worth a second thought.

Like others, this thread has prompted me to have a think and I’ve also realised that my DS2 has the same name as someone I very nearly hooked up with at work many many years ago. It’s also not an unusual name and wouldn’t have even crossed my mind.

YABVU

One of my DC has a name that several people I went to primary school with had. They were not my friends and one of them was really unkind.

I had completely forgotten about them by the time I was looking at names for our dc and it only occurred to me later.

If you like Laura then do not discount it based on this. That's ridiculous.

I think Laura is a lovely name!

We called one of our boys the name of our first cat together and didn't realise until child was about 3 😁 sometimes things are just not linked up. I dont understand why it puts you off, not as if they were married. Hopefully he hasn't had a lot of dates with women of nice names.

Every bloke over a certain age will have dated, kissed or at least fancied a Laura in their life.

not a problem. it’s an ax from a decade ago when he was barely an adult.

you could give her a middle name and then she won’t have exactly the same name if it makes you feel better.

I think the pregnancy hormones are in full force! YABVU.

Love of his life that left him for another man? You have bigger problems.

Person he went on a few dates with years ago? He has bigger problems.

A couple of months 10 years ago? You’re being ridiculous to think he’s in the wrong here.

If you’ve gone off the name then you’ve gone off the name. But YABU to think it’s inappropriate

I had a baby name picked out since I was about ten and then I got a job where my boss had that name, he was a total arsehole and I had to work with him for 5 years and then got pregnant while at that work place, So i couldn't use it.
But a 2 week fling of my DH from ten years ago would be fine with me. Most names have an association somewhere along the line

You’re being very silly here.

What a batshit way to think OP.

It shouldn't matter, it happened ages ago, but change it if the name is now tainted for you. Maybe Lyra instead or a name like Flora that sounds similar? Both pretty names.

Wow. Never knew my name was so disgusting! Did a Laura hurt you? 🤣

you are being really ridiculous.

I truly wish this was the kind of thing I had to worry about.

I lost everything in my life when I had a breakdwon nine years ago - overnight my whole life changed. truly please get some perspective

Laura was a very common name (it’s also my middle name). I really wouldn’t get too hung up on this & I’m also pregnant so I understand we can be irrational sometimes!

If you love the name, use it. It’s not weird or icky.