AIBU? DH failed to mention that our baby name choice is the same as one of his exes

[Toothfairy92]

We are expecting a baby girl in the next few weeks and have had a name - Laura - picked out for a couple of months. I suggested the name initially and we both agreed we liked it. It’s remained our top pick since then.

Last night we were chatting in the car and it emerges that he had a girlfriend called Laura for a “few months” about ten years ago, in his mid-twenties. It came up because I said I was glad that it was less commonly used these days, and he said he’d known a few at school, oh and he’d dated one for a bit.

Personally, I think it’s inappropriate and a bit weird to use a baby name that is shared with an ex girlfriend, even a short term one. I think I’d be really icked out calling a child a name of someone I’d been with!

I feel sad and frustrated that I’m back to the drawing board on names; and that I’d built up my bond with this baby using the name in my head. He says it just didn’t cross his mind until we talked in more detail about it last night, and doesn’t see the problem with using it. He thinks I’m BU to be a bit upset and to think it’s inappropriate. Am I?

I find it very sweet you thought of names that early. I struggled with childlessness and my husabnd woulnt discuss it and I have ot remind myself that its natural to want a child

My husband had a very significant ex whose name was same as my mums. We chose my daughters name as a nod to my but like to joke it's our way of commemorating his ex 😂

It's completely plausible that "that" Laura never explicitly crossed his mind when evaluating the name, especially if you were the one who initially suggested it. You know better than we do how significant such a relationship would have been for him - if it's the only other romantic relationship he had besides you, it could have been important, but otherwise likely not. But I also don't think you're completely unreasonable to choose a different name if you really think that Laura will bother you now that you have this extra piece of information.

I think you are over thinking here OP
I do prefer Lara to Laura though 😉

I really hope this is the pregnancy hormones taking OP, because you are being completely ridiculous.

This never crossed my mind! Emily and Emma seem so different to me.

anyway, Laura is a lovely name, one of those timeless ones imo. It’s not ugly like Sandra, Tracey etc. I think yabu to go off it for a little fling your partner had a long time ago, however if it’s ruined for you it’s ruined!

How about Lauren? Has the same ‘vintage’.

@Figcherry I should have said, you do have a point, though!

I get where you are coming from @Toothfairy92 I wouldn't want to use a name that was an ex's name either, it feels weird.

I also think it's odd that your DH forgot about her, has he dated so many women he can't even remember them all? I remember the names of all my exes and I wouldn't name my children after them!

I would have to choose another name, personally, that was totally different. At least you have time to start thinking about a different one.

Well YANBU to be irked to be fair @Toothfairy92 but no-one is forcing you to call your baby Laura. Use another name.

Well, you'll obviously choose another name because in your mind it's tainted, but you're being totally ridiculous as to the reason why you don't want to use it.

whilst I think you are being a bit much here, the name of your child is something one can be a bit unreasonable about!

if you don’t feel comfortable you shouldn’t agree to name you don’t love

You are being utterly ridiculous

Why are you jealous of a name?

You don't sound mature enough for motherhood.

Oh for heaven's sake, just be thankful you are having a healthy baby girl!

This was hardly a relationship. It was a few weeks of casual dating. It clearly means nothing to him for him to have dropped it so casually.

I went to school (80s and 90s) with a lot of Lauras, and worked with one a few years ago. Nasty bully she was.

I would call my child the same name as my ex because I love his name.

I wouldn’t associate me calling out my ex’s name during sex from 10 years ago with my child.
Thats a pretty fucked up way of thinking OP.

Gently, you need to grow up if you’re about to become a mum.

I don’t think the fact that a brief girlfriend ten years ago had the name should matter but if you’ve got the ick about it now, for whatever reason, then it’s OK to change your mind.

To all those saying it’s dated; how does that differ from classic?
And of course, we don’t know that the OP didn’t change the name for the purposes of the thread.

Someone he dated for a few months? That he’d forgotten about?

IMHO YABU. He won’t think of this person (it’s a stretch to call her an ex if it only lasted a few months - she’s hardly an ex-partner) when he says your DD’s name.

Laura is a lovely name. Roman, international and naturalistic.

It’s fine. One of my dc has the same name as my abusive asshole ex of 3 years. But it was also my dh’s dad’s name and FIL died when Dh was young. It’s a lovely name and it means a lot to Dh. I don’t think about my ex at all when I see my son. 🤷🏻‍♀️

If it was a very unusual name and they had a long lived relationship where he was dumped after they were engaged, for example, I'd understand. But the name Laura is really mainstream and nobody but nobody is going to say 'Oh, how unusual, who is she named after?'

what about Kara or Lydia

This is ludicrous. YABVU

This is hilarious! Don't be so ridiculous

If I applied your rules about a boy's name for a son, I'd be scratching around to find ANY name 😅😅

A girlfriend of a few months, a decade ago?

You have lost your sense of proportion on this.