AIBU? DH failed to mention that our baby name choice is the same as one of his exes

[Toothfairy92]

We are expecting a baby girl in the next few weeks and have had a name - Laura - picked out for a couple of months. I suggested the name initially and we both agreed we liked it. It’s remained our top pick since then.

Last night we were chatting in the car and it emerges that he had a girlfriend called Laura for a “few months” about ten years ago, in his mid-twenties. It came up because I said I was glad that it was less commonly used these days, and he said he’d known a few at school, oh and he’d dated one for a bit.

Personally, I think it’s inappropriate and a bit weird to use a baby name that is shared with an ex girlfriend, even a short term one. I think I’d be really icked out calling a child a name of someone I’d been with!

I feel sad and frustrated that I’m back to the drawing board on names; and that I’d built up my bond with this baby using the name in my head. He says it just didn’t cross his mind until we talked in more detail about it last night, and doesn’t see the problem with using it. He thinks I’m BU to be a bit upset and to think it’s inappropriate. Am I?

Don't think that would bother me. And it's a lovely name.

I wouldn't get upset about it, it's not the sort of thing people tend to think about, I don't even remember the names of everyone I dated briefly when I was younger. It was an especially common name, I knew loads of Laura's/Lauren's and he probably only remembered the ex when he thought about how common the name was. However it's fair enough that you now don't want to use the name anymore.

YABVU. I hope this is just hormones making you like this. Don't keep causing problems over insignificant things or else your marriage won't last.

Assume you haven’t read The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins (Laura Fairlie)?

Or Little House on the Prairie (Laura Ingalls Wilder)? Also a popular TV show.

My Cousin Rachel (du Maurier), The Rachel Papers (Amis)?

What'swrong with Laura?

You are being unreasonable and irrational. There are only so many names on this earth. He dated one for a few months? They weren't even in a relationship so not even really an ex. If you want a name where neither of you have ever had anything to do with one before, you're not going to be left with any name at all.

@Toothfairy92 I mean it's ok not to ùse the name but I hope you are not giving him a hard time about it.

Me too! 😆

You're being hard work here.

He went out with her for 'a few months'?? YABU. If it was a longterm girlfriend then maybe.

YABU Laura is a very common name amongst late thirties and mid forties women. I know so many Laura’s I have to differentiate them by their kids names. If you like Laura, how about Laurel 😊

I don’t know why people are saying Laura is a horrible name . Yes it’s very 80s but there is a reason clearly why it was so popular and no doubt it will be back in fashion someday.

as for his ex being called that YABU. I find it a bit possessive of you to be remotely bothered by this especially since it was you who suggested the same

😆 My name is Laura. I’ve always found it slightly ‘meh’ but assumed it was quite inoffensive until I read this comment!

OP, I do genuinely think this is a non-issue but can understand why you feel a bit strange about it. It sounds like it was an unimportant fling a lifetime ago if it’s not something your DH even thought about.

I considered the name Alex for my DS and also dated an Alex for a few months in my early 20s. I didn’t make the link between the two…it was on my
shortlist because I loved the name, not because it was a tribute to a former love. My DH even knows this Alex too as he is still quite loosely in both of our lives, and I don’t think he made the connection either! I really wouldn’t abandon a name that you love over this.

If you’re put off the name now fair enough- I'm a bit weird about stuff like that and would probs feel similarly, but it’s unfair to be mad at your DH sounds like he genuinely forgot as it was such an insignificant relationship. What about Lauren?

You're being a complete idiot. Get over yourself.

Laura is a lovely name.

But it's also very popular, and timeless (I mean fairly popular over many years rather than a short term fad). So if you use it for your baby you ARE going to come across other people (children and adults) with the same name.

If that bothers you choose a more unusual name

For me it's a non issue. It was a decade ago, was a short relationship and presumably no ties remain. That said, this is going to be your child's name forever and if what has been seen cannot be unseen then I don't think you should use it. What about Lauren? I know a couple of young girls with that name and for me it's quite refreshing.

You can't use the name now... you have an ick about it... whether founded or not.
You can't be mad at him for having an ex called Laura - it's a very bog-standard name.

I think you should use this as an opportunity to find a better name! Laura is so dull.

I disagree. I think if people have been dating for a few months they will have had sex, and that's a lot more than just a couple of exploratory coffee dates. You don't have to agree with me, but for me it sounds like this person was more than just a couple of casual dates and so I wouldn't want to name my baby the same as her.

I think you're being daft. It was 10 years ago and casual.

However, what's driving the response? Is it jealousy, possessiveness? I only ask as I had a friend who got very angry about people her boyfriend had had any romantic liason with in the past. It was very unhealthy, she kept it to herself for a few years and just chewed it over with friends but eventually it spilled over into her relationship.

Snort. Sex isn’t some kind of indication a relationship was significant, you know. ONS are a thing.

YOU are being very weird.

Thanks all for the thoughts - this is a very clear 'YABU' which I'm prepared to accept! (I do love the classic MN extremes though - I might be unreasonable here, but I don't think I'm a "complete idiot", thanks pp 😂...)

Just to clarify - I haven't made a big scene or been awful to DH about it or anything. I was just a bit taken aback and said something like 'I wish you had just mentioned that sooner so I could've vetoed it before becoming attached'. I am quite a sentimental person in general, so perhaps I assign more weight to these things than I ought to - the perspectives here have been helpful. I think if we were having a boy, I would mentally have blocked out any of my exes (even short term ones) from the shortlist - it's not from a place of jealousy, more like 'there are so many names to choose from, why pick one with any sort of baggage'.

But I accept the schooling on this one, and yes to those who have suggested I've been gripped by the pregnancy hormones - I think you are right.

Oh and for those suggesting Lara - I agree it's an absolutely gorgeous name. It was also the name of my best mate at school, so I don't feel I can use that either 😅

There are quite a few of us who don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I gave you a very good reason why I voted YANBU. Good luck with the birth, she'll probably come out looking like she won't suit the name you choose at all 😆

6%...