AIBU? DH failed to mention that our baby name choice is the same as one of his exes

[Toothfairy92]

We are expecting a baby girl in the next few weeks and have had a name - Laura - picked out for a couple of months. I suggested the name initially and we both agreed we liked it. It’s remained our top pick since then.

Last night we were chatting in the car and it emerges that he had a girlfriend called Laura for a “few months” about ten years ago, in his mid-twenties. It came up because I said I was glad that it was less commonly used these days, and he said he’d known a few at school, oh and he’d dated one for a bit.

Personally, I think it’s inappropriate and a bit weird to use a baby name that is shared with an ex girlfriend, even a short term one. I think I’d be really icked out calling a child a name of someone I’d been with!

I feel sad and frustrated that I’m back to the drawing board on names; and that I’d built up my bond with this baby using the name in my head. He says it just didn’t cross his mind until we talked in more detail about it last night, and doesn’t see the problem with using it. He thinks I’m BU to be a bit upset and to think it’s inappropriate. Am I?

Good grief you are being ridiculous.

If she had been called something really rare and exotic or if it was the name of his ex wife you may have had a point.

But its someone he dated briefly a decade ago and Laura is a pretty common name.

Peop are so pathetic about baby names. You don’t have intellectual property over a name. Anyone can call their baby whatever they want.

Slow day problem.

What is wrong with any of those names? Rachel and Sarah are timeless Biblical names, Laura is Latin. I don't think they're 'dated' at all.

Someone you've dated doesn't necessarily equal an ex. Those of us who braved the dating apps might have been on dozens of first dates, fewer second dates, fewer third dates and so on. A few months might only be a handful of dates. I really don't think that's worthy of judgement.

Your hormones have taken the wheel, you’re massively overreacting

You are either a Laura yourself or you’ve been done dirty by one.

They’re just dull. The kind of name novelists choose for minor characters as a way of signalling ‘This person is filler’. (I say this as someone with a filler name.)

I think YABU because you suggested it and it’s also a fairly common name. The fact he used to briefly date someone with the same name isn’t relevant. If he was really pushing to name your child that and you suspected he still had feelings for the ex, totally different scenario. But nothing you’ve said indicates that.

In my earlier years, I dated a John, a Richard and a David (brief relationships and no longer in touch with any of them). Does that mean I’m not allowed to call my children those names?

I wouldn't be bothered by that, particularly as it's a fairly common name, but if you are, choose another name.

It would never cross my mind to strike off a name because it was the same of a girlfriend/boyfriend of a few months a decade ago. That’s madness.

I think it's the opposite, something that shouldn't matter if you like the name. Recently a friend was talking about naming her baby, and we spoke about how certain nice names were either people we knew or ex boyfriends.

I don't think it matters. Someone would have to be supremely egocentric to hear "They called their baby Keiran, must be after me!" When you dated ten years ago. Rather than thinking "oh, they like the name".

Laura is a traditional name (and a lovely one!). I'm late thirties and I have known loads, so it's not a name anyone 'owns'.

I'd say don't let it put you off. It's a lovely name.

They don't seem as dull in 2026 to be fair. It would be quite refreshing to meet a baby Laura, Sarah or Rachel amongst yet another baby Ava, Isla or Lily.

Honestly, you are BU here. It really isn't that big a deal, she clearly wasn't significant to him. If you preferred you could tweak it a bit to be Lauren or Laurel instead, they are both lovely too.

"icked"

This is the magic word these days. If you can't find a good reason to dislike something a man does or has done, just hit him with the "ick" and no further justification is necessary!

If I were you, @Toothfairy92, I'd be asking myself questions about jealousy. Nothing wrong with a bit of jealousy, in my opinion - it can be a healthy part of an exclusive relationship - but it's not good if it gets out of hand. And having a reaction like this to a very common (but very lovely) name is a sign of that.

It depends on how significant the relationship was. I know someone who did this and called his child a fairly unusual slightly dated name. The relationship had been with someone else in the office with that name. Everyone in the office was talking about it for some time.

Hard agree. Difference between traditional and timeless - and dated.

Could be argued Gary, Tracy or Kylie are dated, as they were little-used/unknown (in UK) until a few decades ago.

Sarah/Sara is an ancient and timeless name that’s still used in many countries and several religions.

You're not being unreasonable. I grew up with my mother telling all of us that she named my middle brother after an old boyfriend of her, a dig to hurt my father.

I would hate to think that could be used in a rash moment in an argument at some time on the future. I certainly wouldn't use the name now you know.

Why don’t you go for Lara instead?

YANBU. I'd hate to have a name that was DH's ex for my child, no matter how long ago or how short the relationship was. Now that you know, you can't unknow it and that would bother me, no matter how silly it sounds! If you now relate the name to someone their dad has slept with in the past, I can understand not wanting to use the name for your child any more. It's your child and their name is for life!

I'm with you on this one!

Grow up

You are being weird it was years ago, presumably they broke up for reasons not linked to you. He's moved on and yet you can't. That's just odd.

A gf for a few months 10 years ago??? I can't say I consulted my husband on the names of every girl he ever slept with when naming our children, nor did I think back to everyone I had slept with (I'd been with my husband 10 years before we had our first child so it'd been a while since anyone else for both of us). If it was his ex wife's name you might have a point, but a random fling in your 20's nah.

Actually I've just realised one of the girls names we shortlisted was a shortened version of the girl he went out with for 2 years at uni immediately before me (6month gap), it didn't even cross our minds 😆 it's so inignificant now.

YABU . I wouldn’t be Icked out at all. Who cares he dated someone named that. I just like the sound of the name. Simples

My beautiful daughter is Lara and I love it, a timeless underused classic.

OP, I completely understand how you feel. We ruled out using any names of exes for our children.

Laura is a lovely name. How about looking at other Roman girls names for inspiration eg:
Julia
Lucia
Claudia
Diana
Anna
Theodora

The relationship was short, it was 10 years ago - I think you're overreacting. If he'd been married to Laura, for a number of years, making her his ex-wife, and had been divorced for 10 years, I might think differently. It was a fling, that happened many years ago.

It was also a passing comment regarding a name that you both initially liked. I'm sure it didn't cross his mind that using the name for his daughter is inappropriate because he briefly dated a Laura 10 years previously.

If you like the name, then still use the name. If not, then think of something else if use Laura as a middle name.