AIBU? DH failed to mention that our baby name choice is the same as one of his exes

[Toothfairy92]

We are expecting a baby girl in the next few weeks and have had a name - Laura - picked out for a couple of months. I suggested the name initially and we both agreed we liked it. It’s remained our top pick since then.

Last night we were chatting in the car and it emerges that he had a girlfriend called Laura for a “few months” about ten years ago, in his mid-twenties. It came up because I said I was glad that it was less commonly used these days, and he said he’d known a few at school, oh and he’d dated one for a bit.

Personally, I think it’s inappropriate and a bit weird to use a baby name that is shared with an ex girlfriend, even a short term one. I think I’d be really icked out calling a child a name of someone I’d been with!

I feel sad and frustrated that I’m back to the drawing board on names; and that I’d built up my bond with this baby using the name in my head. He says it just didn’t cross his mind until we talked in more detail about it last night, and doesn’t see the problem with using it. He thinks I’m BU to be a bit upset and to think it’s inappropriate. Am I?

I do think you're being unreasonable but think a lot of replies were OTT and this is a very good response, OP.

Good luck with the birth of baby Laura (or any other name you choose)!

6% of 1200 is 72 people. I'd call that quite a few, wouldn't you?

Brief Encounter - main character Laura
Goblin Market - main characters Laura and Lizzie

I'm a Laura and it was very uncommon when I was a child in the 60's. There were three Susans and quite a few Annes in my year but out of a school of 600 pupils (all girls school) there was just the 2 of us, the other one was a year older than me

It did take off in the 80's and 90's

Do not see many Elizabeths around at the moment think it's time for a return

Laura is fairly common name..but poor bloke..

Oh I get it Op, I really liked the name Amelia but that was DH's first girlfriend's name and it ended badly (she cheated). So it was a no go! Ended up I had two boys anyway but it is one of those things to consider when choosing names.

Do you need to write a list of all of your past girlfriends and boyfriends so you don't accidently use one of their names because if you find out afterwards then what will happen? Seems pretty daft when you think about it.

Would Lyra work as a compromise?

No, definitely not. In an imaginary scenario where I have an ex-boyfriend called, say, Daniel, and we are having a boy, I can imagine a conversation like this.

DH: How about Daniel?
Me: Hmm, I'm not so keen. <next suggestion>

Neither of us have a particularly long list of exes so a subtle conversational 'no' is all it would take. I think. 😅

To each her own. Absolutely your choice as parents.

One of my DC is named after my best mate. I preferred to name my DC after people who mean something to me, rather than pluck names out of the air.

And don’t allow yourself to be put off Laura because of some of the comments on this thread from strangers on the internet who you’ll never meet.

Laura’s a beautiful name OP.

My dad vetoed the name my mum wanted for my brother because it was her (admittedly long term) high school boyfriend’s name. She always wished she’d been able to use it and I think it would have suited my brother really well. If it was a long term and significant relationship I’d think twice, especially if they were still in touch. But someone he dated for a bit years ago - nah, I’d still use the name I loved and not make an issue of it, it doesn’t sound like it is for you DH.

It was so long ago, only a few months, and it’s a hugely common name. I don’t think I’d let this one get to me.

i share a name with my dads ex. However it transpired it was intentional on his part 😳 i changed my name 😂

My son has the same name as a guy I had a very short fling with - to be honest it didn’t even occur to me until months later that it was his name, I think about the bloke so rarely! I suspect your dh just genuinely had not thought about this Laura in so long it didn’t even occur to him that it was relevant. I wouldn’t even think about it op, it’s not like she was the one that got away!

Your old friend would probably be flattered and happy for you to use it. Or someone suggested 'Lucia' upthread which is a lovely name too?

Why is Laura a hideous name. Far worse names than that

'I wish you had just mentioned that sooner so I could've vetoed it before becoming attached'.

But why?? That's the point! There is no reason to not use it. YABU for not wanting to use it. You have no reason not to. You're still not getting the message. Just use the name!

I do get why you're feeling weird, but actually...if I think back to guys I had flings or relationships with, I can now see their name as separate to my feelings for the guys, if that makes sense. Eg I dated a Sam who turned out to be horrible, but I still think it's a lovely cute name that I would consider for my DS without associating it with that guy I knew. I briefly dated a Jack, and he was nice and I like the name - probably because it was also my grandad's name... if I call a future DS Jack it definitely won't mean I'm hankering after that guy I went out with.

🙄Christ...

If you don't feel you can use Laura any more, how about Lorea? It is a Basque name meaning flower. Pronounced Lau-ray-a.

Ffs in today’s edition of fucking loony threads…. OP - don’t be ridiculous. Poor guy.

I do understand OP. Ignore the people who are saying you are a lunatic.

There’s nothing wrong with the name Laura it’s a lovely name. I like the more traditional names though not a fan of the modern names around now. A lot of which they complain nobody says their child’s name right or they never get the spelling right. At least with Laura she wouldn’t be stuck with a lifetime of saying oh you say it this way or spell it that way.

Ah OP, yes you are being a bit unreasonable but I remember my mad late pregnancy moments and can totally understand how this makes you feel! It shouldn’t matter, and it obviously doesn’t matter to your DH, but right now it matters to you.

Maybe wait a couple of days after she’s here and decide then on her name. If Laura still works, and you don’t feel the same aversion, great. If not, have a backup plan ready.

Rude!!

Someone has proposed a name that everyone can pronounce, and that only has one way to spell.
Your alternative proposal would have to be spelt every time (in the UK) and the pronunciation explained.

I think you are being a bit oversensitive! Chill!