AIBU? DH failed to mention that our baby name choice is the same as one of his exes

[Toothfairy92]

We are expecting a baby girl in the next few weeks and have had a name - Laura - picked out for a couple of months. I suggested the name initially and we both agreed we liked it. It’s remained our top pick since then.

Last night we were chatting in the car and it emerges that he had a girlfriend called Laura for a “few months” about ten years ago, in his mid-twenties. It came up because I said I was glad that it was less commonly used these days, and he said he’d known a few at school, oh and he’d dated one for a bit.

Personally, I think it’s inappropriate and a bit weird to use a baby name that is shared with an ex girlfriend, even a short term one. I think I’d be really icked out calling a child a name of someone I’d been with!

I feel sad and frustrated that I’m back to the drawing board on names; and that I’d built up my bond with this baby using the name in my head. He says it just didn’t cross his mind until we talked in more detail about it last night, and doesn’t see the problem with using it. He thinks I’m BU to be a bit upset and to think it’s inappropriate. Am I?

That’s irrelevant to what I said. Who actually knows the names of all the people their OH has had ONS with ? Or cares for that matter. Some women are unbelievably insecure, I can’t understand it.

I like Lorna better?

@Lolloped Not sure why you think 'Laura' is either 80s or dated. My aunt (1920 - 2004) was a Laura. Laura was unfashionable (along with a lot of names which were considered exotic up till about 1940 e.g. Gladys, Ada, Alma) in the 50s and 60s but came back into fashion during the 70s - 80s and has not gone out of fashion since. OP's DH was foolish to mention girlfriend, perhaps, but not a reason not to use the name! It's lovely, is Latin and is the 'bay laurel' (i.e. it's a flowerish name) which means 'victory' by association since victors wore laurel wreaths. Lauren is a variation.

You are being weird.

When I was pregnant with my first I had Laura down as one of my favourite girl’s name and coincidentally, my DH had previously dated (and lived with) a woman called Laura for over 7 years. That still didn’t put me off though.

Just relax.

I’ll be honest @Toothfairy92 I can’t remember the names of everybody I’ve had sex with and it would limit the pool of names to the impossible.

Ex and I did rule out one girls name that I loved because it was the name of his recent ex-they were together for 15 years so she was significant. So I don’t think it’s completely mad to rule out some ex’s names. But between ex and me, ruling out names of every shag would have left us very limited indeed. We both had quite a history!

Stick with the name, OP, it 's a lovely name and nobody is going to think badly of you even if they know that your DH had a relationship with a woman of the same name many years ago.

Laura is an extremely common name in a certain age group. If it was something really unique and he’d had a serious relationship with one he would have mentioned it. The name obviously didn’t mean “ex-girlfriend” to him, it represents loads of people so generically that it also represents none of them specifically. That’s why he didn’t even think of her until a more in-depth conversation brought it up.

It's not about jealousy, not at all. It's about associations. You name a child after a grandparent because you love them and it makes you feel warm and fuzzy.

You don't name your gorgeous tiny baby the same name as some dude whose cock you once sucked. What associations are you getting?
I'm not the weird one here.

You are. Seriously.

If that's thr first thing you think of when you see a child with the same name as you ex... I suggest you seek help

You're entitled to feel as you do @Minjou. You have a strong opinion on this.
Seems disproportionate to me but we're all different.

Help me out here. My grandparent, who i named my baby after, has the same name as 'some dude whose cock I once sucked'. How should I have squared that circle? Are people never meant to have a relationships with anyone who has a name that they might want to use in future for a hypothetical child that they might never have? Absolutely insane.

@RottenBanana I do hear what you’re saying - in my case, the name we’d picked isn’t a family name/connection. I’d probably have felt differently if there was a grandparent or other figure that we wanted to honour who coincidentally shared a name with an ex on either side. But because it isn’t, and I’d just picked it because I like it a lot, I’m miffed that DH didn’t think to mention his connection to the name and just quietly veto it, if that makes sense.

I do think your situation is different and I don’t think I’d have felt the same if the name had been picked with an individual we were honouring in mind.

Completely

Why can't you call your child Laura just because your husband once dated a Laura?

Are you going to ask him for a list of names of women he's ever dated so you can cross the name off the list?

He dated her ten years ago for a few months

I feel like I’ve explained why, as mad as I may sound. The good news is that there are thousands and thousands of other lovely names to choose from without associations that make me feel a bit weird!

My comment was really to the PP who has a particularly unpleasant turn of phrase for associating a name with sex.

In your case, your DH clearly doesn't associate the name with his previous ex. It would be more concerning to me if he had vetoed it because of her, as it would imply there was still some emotional baggage, whether positive or negative. It didn't occur to him because she simply does not matter to him anymore. You are overthinking it.

I think it helps that the name was so common in the 80s/90s that they all added identifiers and were known by Laura-surname, or a nickname-Laura, so I don't think I'd necessarily associate a baby Laura today with Laura Smith, or Laura Jones, big-Laura, red-Laura etc I knew years ago. I can see why your husband might not have thought of the association initially. Anyway, if it's put you off, it's put you off.

You’re being dramatic. He dated a girl with a common name for a few months once and you now like that name for baby.

I once dated a man who had the same name as my dad and brother. My DH shares a name with my favourite cousin. There were three girls with my exact name (first and surname) at my school 😂 So maybe names just bother me less