Friend hasn’t paid me for child care and left me in a difficult position

[nothingorsomething]

I’m a nanny. My last job ended because the youngest child started full time school, and the family could only offer part time hours. A close friend of mine has four children and asked me last year if I’d be interested in working for her. I’m registered, which (for anyone that doesn’t know) means parents can get help with costs (similar to a nursery or childminder). It works out cheaper for her than using a nursery.

I started just before Christmas and was supposed to get paid yesterday, but that didn’t happen. She didn’t realise she had to pay the bill first and then claim the money back (again, similar to a nursery). Obviously, I don’t handle the money part and just assumed she knew what she was doing. My fault. She said she doesn’t have the money to pay me upfront and needs to contact universal credit to sort it all out. I’m left without any money right now, and I have bills coming out next week, so I’m stressing. I asked her to sort it urgently. I suggested maybe borrowing from a family member and then claiming it back from UC, but she said she can’t. I don’t think UC will pay it though.

Things got a bit heated, and she said, “I don’t have the money. I’ll feed my kids before I pay you.” I don’t want her kids to starve obviously, and it upsets me that she thinks that. But she also doesn’t seem to care about the situation she’s put me in. This is only the first month, and this has already happened. I’m not sure I can handle the instability and worry every month. Should I leave this job (after I get paid, hopefully) and maybe pull back from the friendship?

Try to find a solution together. There's been a misunderstanding, you both have bills to pay, what can be done? Citizens advice might help.

I wouldn’t be minding her kids again! She’ll probably take the piss because you are (were!) her friend!

Definitely leave. If you let it go this time, she’ll not pay again, and while she has an obligation to feed her kids, you need to feed yourself. You need to find another job and if it costs you the friendship that is on her.

Tell her you need to be paid. I wouldn't do any more childcare until she does. Her attitude is really bad - any one else would be falling over themselves to tell you how sorry they were.

You do not need friends like this. Take a step back. If she doesn't pay you - small claims court.

She is being very cheeky and rude, make sure you get your money and end the arrangement ASAP.

No way would I carry on in a job where I wasnt getting paid. That's ridiculous. You haven't asked her not to feed her kids, she's being ridiculously melodramatic.

Find another job. This wont get better and I suspect that every month there will be a similar excuse and guilt trips about her "feeding her kids". You dont need that kind of grief when you have your own food to buy. End it. now.

Of course you leave
what a terrible employer she is and would continue to be

Do you have an employment contract with her?

She has effectively had a month's free childcare from you. I would not feel confident of being paid, at all, and would not carry on looking after her children. I don't know how you could go about getting your money though, especially if she has already said paying your salary is not a priority.

Did you have proper contracts etc in place?

Stop working for her effective immediately and take her to small claims for your wages.

Leave.

I'd immediately terminate and find a new job.

And I'd be telling her firmly she needs to get the money to me by the agreed deadline or you'll be forced to take out a loan to cover your expenses and will be taking her to a small claims court to recover it,.as well as any other fines, fees and.for damage to your credit rating.

I'd literally just send that and a reminded of the date that payment must be made and stick to it.

Of she wants to apply for a hardship loan or borrow from family, its her problem to sort out. But as soon as its clear there is no childcare, she will sort it.

This.

Your pseudo friend is a colossal liar and twat. Let her find and pay for childcare elsewhere.

You do not need people like this in your life - its too short as it is. She has just proven to you that she is a user and a cunt.

This is perfect, 100%

Of course you should leave. You are not doing it as a friendly favour.

I'd be declining to do any more childcare until I was paid for the last month. If she loses her job that's her problem. She needs to take a loan/ask family and pay you - or she'll find she hasn't got anyone to care for her children going forward.

Do you not ask for payment in advance? I mean she should obviously pay you somehow, not your problem how she does this, or how do you eat/feed your own kids? But my kids' nursery fees are paid in advance, presumably so you can't have a month's childcare then just not pay. So I have just paid my invoices for February. I know that doesn't help your situation as it stands, but I was just surprised as I would have assumed it would be the same with nannies. And I can assure you if she didn't pay her nursery fees on time she would have late fees to pay, plus they would likely give her kids' places away. She certainly wouldn't be getting any further childcare from them until the bill was settled.

She isn’t paying you upfront, you’ve already done the work.
I wouldn’t work for her anymore.

How has this happened? What payroll company is she using to handle your tax and NI etc? What is the contract? The government funded hours is not generally applicable to Nannies, they’re for early years settings, do you just mean Ofsted registered so she can be part of the tax free childcare scheme? I think technically UC will pay for a nanny for some limited hours although getting it cleared and approved would be another matter; I’d want to have seen paperwork confirming this upfront.

Obviously, I don’t handle the money part and just assumed she knew what she was doing.

I think it was a bit misguided to assume she knew the process, you're the one with the knowledge of it, so you should probably take it upon yourself to educate people you work for so there is no ambiguity when it comes to payment.

What did she think the process was going to be? And what is her solution to the problem?

She's in the wrong but you both sound chaotic.

If it was a proper job, you should have been clear on T&C, and had a contract, as well as clear arrangements as to when and how the payment is made.

It's strange she wasn't paying you in advance, which would be usual.

She thought you would do it for free because you are friends. This is the problem with mixing friendship with business. Get paid and then say it doesn't work and see if you can salvage the friendship (or not). Find another job.

I wouldn't watch her kids again.
Make sure she pays you.

I was on UC for a bit. I used to pay my invoice then submit the invoice and payment receipt to UC and they’d put it with the next months UC. Surely she was doing this before? They don’t pay out in advance as such?

You have a written contract right?

Depends, how many months do you want to work for free for?

This person has explicitly told you she isn’t going to pay you. You’d be insane to carry on working for free. Stop working for her today, and find a job with an employer who is willing to pay you.

Put a claim in via small claims for illegal withholding of wages if you had a proper contract, if it is all verbal agreements you may have to accept you aren’t going to get paid.