Friend hasn’t paid me for child care and left me in a difficult position

[nothingorsomething]

I’m a nanny. My last job ended because the youngest child started full time school, and the family could only offer part time hours. A close friend of mine has four children and asked me last year if I’d be interested in working for her. I’m registered, which (for anyone that doesn’t know) means parents can get help with costs (similar to a nursery or childminder). It works out cheaper for her than using a nursery.

I started just before Christmas and was supposed to get paid yesterday, but that didn’t happen. She didn’t realise she had to pay the bill first and then claim the money back (again, similar to a nursery). Obviously, I don’t handle the money part and just assumed she knew what she was doing. My fault. She said she doesn’t have the money to pay me upfront and needs to contact universal credit to sort it all out. I’m left without any money right now, and I have bills coming out next week, so I’m stressing. I asked her to sort it urgently. I suggested maybe borrowing from a family member and then claiming it back from UC, but she said she can’t. I don’t think UC will pay it though.

Things got a bit heated, and she said, “I don’t have the money. I’ll feed my kids before I pay you.” I don’t want her kids to starve obviously, and it upsets me that she thinks that. But she also doesn’t seem to care about the situation she’s put me in. This is only the first month, and this has already happened. I’m not sure I can handle the instability and worry every month. Should I leave this job (after I get paid, hopefully) and maybe pull back from the friendship?

It's not your responsibility to educate her on how the system works, she needs to research that herself if she wants to be part of it. Do not do another days work for her until she has paid you. Perhaps when she has no one to look after her kids she'll realise she needs to pay for the services she uses on time. It's not your fault that she doesn't know what she's doing, you have bills to pay too.

She sounds like a complete CF and I'd be looking for a new job. It's always a mistake to work for friends IMO.

Just say you won’t be coming to work for her until you’ve been paid for the days you’ve already worked. I bet she’ll enjoy being without a childcare solution about as much as you’re enjoying being without wages.

Stop working straight away and if you receive not payment take her to small claims court for hours owed.

This will never work long term so i’d find employment elsewhere. Sure it’s a mix up but she doesn’t seem to want to pay you either.

Totally agree. She would never get away with this with a nursery or any other childminder (and she knows it!)!!

We have a contract, but I'm self employed as I sometimes work for other families Friday- Sunday. This is the first time she’s used a child care service. She was a stay at home mum for years but decided to retrain and find a part time job after separating from the children’s ' dad last year. I look after the kids Monday to Thursday, 9 to 3. I thought it was a good idea as we've been friends for a long time and I've known the kids since they were babies, but looking back, it was a mistake. I agree that I should have made sure she knew what she was doing, but like I said, I've never dealt with the financial side of things as parents usually handle all of that, and obviously, I can't talk to UC on her behalf. I assumed she would have looked into things at the very least and had everything in place, but I guess not. I've already told her that I can't provide any more child care until I get paid. I don't have the money for petrol anyway. I will be looking for a new job

NANNIES don’t get paid in advance. She needs to write in her journal and maybe she can get an advance but to be honest, I wouldn’t be working for her again because she’s proved she’s not trustworthy.

Sorry but I think she knows exactly what she’s doing and you’ll be waiting for hell to freeze over before you get paid.

She’s no friend she’s a piss taker - it’s not kids fault but on your shoes I would be telling her you’re done

I would definitely stop doing the work for her until it was sorted (and probably forever). Until you get paid you could do without the expense of commuting and any other expenses you incur whilst working, and you could do with the time and energy back to seek other work, whether that's a new position as a Nanny or just temping to be able to pay your own bills this month. Perhaps being in desperate immediate need of childcare will help focus her mind on the urgency of getting together the money to pay you 😏

I doubt that she never intended to pay you as others have suggested, I think she likely didn't realise, though the cynic in me wondered if she realised earlier than payday and kept quiet to feign innocence. Whatever the truth, the concerning this is that it does sound as if she's in no particular hurry to put it right, and that's one reason why I'd be prioritising looking after number 1, OP.

If you don't have a contract (or something which proves you should be paid by her) you can't take her to small claims

Find another job. Don't work for her again

You've lost a friend but she's not someone I'd want as a friend, so not a huge loss imo

Definitely don't do any more work until she has paid you.
In future I'd get the money upfront from her before doing any more hours.
If she can't pay, then try to set up a payment plan with her and look for a new job.

Universal credit will pay for a NANNY as long as they are ofsted registered they will pay 85% of a Childcare bill up to a certain percentage which I think is 1500 for two children.

Anything Over that she would be paying herself for regardless I don’t know how much she owes you OP but I’m assuming it is over 1500 if you have worked a month

She's wither during or a lier the website couldnt be more clear about claiming back

https://www.gov.uk/help-with-childcare-costs/universal-credit

There is help if she is starting a new job and childcare

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/universal-credit-childcare-costs#get-help-with-the-upfront-cost-of-childcare

Did you give her an invoice or receipt for her to claim from universal credit? You get paid the childcare costs in the next assessment period not straight away so she would have known she needs the money available to pay you for the first month and then she claims it back from UC. You should have got her to pay upfront for the month like most childcare providers do.

As it is set days and hours you legally should be employed, not self-employed

No payment, no care provided.
Withdraw from friendship as well, she’s taking the utter piss.

If she’s that broke why on earth did she have FOUR children? 🙄

There is no situation in which she wouldn’t understand that she needs to pay you like she has been paying the nursery or whoever else has been doing the childcare for her and claiming the money back from universal credits
This has been done on purpose

Well I had three and was broke. The three I had I had when I was married. And I couldn’t exactly put them back.

The way I'm reading it, it's not that she's intending not to pay, it's that she was expecting to get the money form UC first and use that to pay you.

OP, do you know how it works and are you able to guide her? If only so that you get paid! I'm assuming that they will pay something?

An example of the state if chaotic and troubled family units where they expect tax payers to fund them and their chaotic choices. It's families like this that are the reason the welfare bill has spiralled out of control and is projected to costs taxpayers increasingly more and more

Realistically, if she’s on UC, she can’t afford you if you’re charging her what you’re worth as a nanny.

Definitely do not do a single moment more childcare for her until you are paid.

It is NOT your fault. No employee expects to check that their employer knows that they have to work out how to pay their employee a salary at the end of the month.

"I completely understand how complicated this is but I can't do work and not be paid. I will be delighted to come back and carry on looking after (children's names) once I have been paid for the work I've already done and you've got things in place for getting me paid going forward. Until then I have to put all my time into finding other work so I can pay my imown bills"

She is NOT your friend OP.
Start treating her like a business and go through the correct protocols to obtain the money legally such as invoice with payment due date. Reminder after 7 days and final notice clearly stated within the body of the invoice. Send them recorded delivery so there's proof of receipt.
In the meantime start looking for another job and do NOT do anymore work for thos woman!

nothingorsomething
Get another job
And sort out your due payment
Willing to bet if you weren't you
She'd have put everything in place before you'd even started