Friend hasn’t paid me for child care and left me in a difficult position

[nothingorsomething]

I’m a nanny. My last job ended because the youngest child started full time school, and the family could only offer part time hours. A close friend of mine has four children and asked me last year if I’d be interested in working for her. I’m registered, which (for anyone that doesn’t know) means parents can get help with costs (similar to a nursery or childminder). It works out cheaper for her than using a nursery.

I started just before Christmas and was supposed to get paid yesterday, but that didn’t happen. She didn’t realise she had to pay the bill first and then claim the money back (again, similar to a nursery). Obviously, I don’t handle the money part and just assumed she knew what she was doing. My fault. She said she doesn’t have the money to pay me upfront and needs to contact universal credit to sort it all out. I’m left without any money right now, and I have bills coming out next week, so I’m stressing. I asked her to sort it urgently. I suggested maybe borrowing from a family member and then claiming it back from UC, but she said she can’t. I don’t think UC will pay it though.

Things got a bit heated, and she said, “I don’t have the money. I’ll feed my kids before I pay you.” I don’t want her kids to starve obviously, and it upsets me that she thinks that. But she also doesn’t seem to care about the situation she’s put me in. This is only the first month, and this has already happened. I’m not sure I can handle the instability and worry every month. Should I leave this job (after I get paid, hopefully) and maybe pull back from the friendship?

As a nanny myself there is so much wrong with this post!
firstly you never work for friends, money and friendships don’t mix! For this exact reason.
There is nothing wrong with being friendly with someone you work for…but professional boundaries are needed for a reason!

secondly I’m guessing you don’t have a contract? because Pay and how you’re being paid should always be in a contract.

please educate yourself on funded hours/ tax free childcare and universal credit systems and how they all work and who they can be used to pay …so you don’t have this problem in the future!
If this person didn’t realise they have to pay you up front Is your NI being paid? And your tax? Your work place pension? Is she paying her employers tax?

I totally understand that not being paid for the month is going to leave you with problems but if she doesn’t have the money she doesn’t have the money she can’t magic it up out of thin air and maybe she doesn’t have anyone to borrow that kind of money from.

I think you have two options…either cut your losses and walk away. Or sit down and talk to her and work out a repayment plan (put it down in writing and make sure you both sign it!)
if she doesn’t stick to the repayments you can take her to small claims court.
but in the end your both to blame because you should of done your research in to how UC pays childcare.
whatever you decide, start looking for a new job ASAP a lot of agency have emergency and temp work where you get paid straight away…..also join lots of local community fb groups and fb nanny groups to get immediate work

The additional issue here is that working for two families does not qualify you as self employed. Childminders are self employed because they offer a service on their terms, using their equipment, to multiple families every day. Nannies would find it very hard to meet the criteria. Even a nanny share is an employment relationship and she should be paying employer NI. You'll now potentially need to explain to the tax man what has happened and they'll have to tell you whether you owe additional tax (if she pays you at all).
At any rate she sounds like a selfish arse.

This.

I would contact citizen advice and see what legal options are able. You have provided your labour and she is refusing to pay you. That’s slavery.

She’s not withholding because she’s being malicious. Stupid, yes but you have to work together to find a
solutIon

cant she pay half? She must have known your time was going to cost something

Look for a new job but don't let her know that you plan to quit once you're paid for what you've done, in case she decides that it's not worth paying you at all if you're not continuing.

Yes leave the job and don’t mix friends and business. You should have told her how the first payment works though and not just assumed, but she has a contract to fulfill and she does need to pay you so you are not being unreasonable at all.

I suspect this isn't a mistake and she will carry on not paying you. I would look for another job.

There's not been a misunderstanding at all. The (mum) employer of OP has the responsibility to pay her employees salary on time. Which she hasn't.
If the mum was working for say a plumber who invoices a client with a 30 day pay period wait to pay her? NO because it doesnt work that way. Shes taking the p155.

Can she afford to pay you what she thought she’d owe? Surely she would be expecting to pay something so should have some money to give to you

What a crazy thing to say. Do you generally advocate for people not pay others for their labour?

The mum misunderstood how the government funding fitted in.

That’s not the problem of the person who has not been paid for their labour.

It goes without saying that the money is owed and should be paid. But this is a good friend saying that paying on time would mean not feeding her children. Of course that might not be true..

But its the mums responsibility to be aware of the funding before entering into a contract with her employee.
Misunderstanding or not she still has the responsibility to pay at the agreed time.

And OP would not be able to pay bills without her wages.
How do we know they doesn't have caring responsibilities, would not be able to afford food, fuel, be left homeless.

I am not taking the position you think I am!
OP is owed the money and it's right and fair that she receives it when agreed. Her friend has no right to withhold it.
But her friend has (apparently) made a terrible mistake in believing that she would receive the government money in time to pay OP out of it, and has no way at this moment of paying her the full amount. Given that they care about each other, they might look for some way of resolving this without it turning nasty. Eg, the friend might pay her some of the money now and arrange a loan to pay the remainder next week. If the friend isn't willing to do this, their working and social relationship will probably end.

To be honest how can you go on being friends and caring for her kids and working for her after that heated conversation. To know really your friendship isn’t much to her by the way she acted and treated you. Think it’s going to be very awkward to carry on

I think all of that is irrelevant. If she could not afford the service she should not have engaged her to do it. She is taking the piss because it’s a friend. If this was not a friend she would have to find the money.

Well, yes. Anyway, OP seems less interested in debating the point than some of the rest of us are.

Leave the job she is taking the piss and should have done her reasearch. Find another job and make sure they know what the set up is witrh the money before you start.