Unnecessary altercation? Dog-walking incident

[BetterWithPockets]

I was walking my dog in the park yesterday when a pug ran over to me and jumped up, getting mud all over my — relatively smart, clean-on-that-morning — jeans. (For reference, yes, the park itself was muddy but — until that point — my jeans weren’t because I was wearing walking boots, and being careful where I walked.)

I complained to the owner, and our exchange went broadly as follows (it’s not verbatim because I can’t remember it word for word — but hopefully you get the gist).

me: your dog just jumped up at me with muddy paws.
her: oh, right.
me (taken aback): it would be normal to apologise at least.
her: it’s not my fault; that’s just what dogs do; I can’t control what my dog does.
me: you can’t control your dog? You don’t think that’s a problem?
her: it’s your fault; you’re inappropriately dressed; you should wear old clothes to walk your dog, like everyone else.
me: it’s my fault your dog jumped up at me?
The conversation carried on in this vein for about another 30 seconds, then she called me a weird woman and we went our separate ways…

Now, I’m pretty sure she was in the wrong/BU, but here’s my AIBU: given that the damage was already done, so to speak, should I have just kept quiet rather than saying anything?

There’s a saying that sometimes it’s better to be kind than right. Swap kind for quiet, and perhaps that’s what I should have done in this instance — rather than doing what she probably saw as me having a go at her (am trying to put myself in her shoes here!). I mean, what was I hoping to achieve? The most I was ever going to get was an apology so, really, what was the point of saying something?

So, was I BU to speak up?
Yes, you should have kept your trap shut: it’s just mud/there was nothing to be gained from saying anything/you effectively picked a fight and she just gave as good as she got, so let that be a lesson to you…
No: she was being an irresponsible dog owner and it’s good you called her out on it.

Am genuinely undecided as to whether or not I was BU, so interested to hear both sides!

Yanbu but at least it wasn’t a dog taller than you, off the lead with no recall. That’s the dog that decided to “greet” my tiny son.

There should be marked dog walkers routes where dogs are allowed off the lead and everywhere else dogs should stay on leads, that’s my opinion.

I’d have been incensed if a dog had jumped up at my DC when they were small and the owner had a go at them for being scared. Honestly, that’s awful!

I have dog walking clothes. I recommend it.

@BadbadbunnyThose “stupid extendable leads” are fantastic when used correctly with the right type of dog!

The park near where I used to live did this. I thought it was a good idea too.

Your poor son…

Couldn’t be without them - we have put hours and hours into training them. Remarkably it’s the toy poodle that’s a twat - which is why he stays on a lead!!

Indeed.
I hate the assumption that all the dogs out there were obtained during Covid. I got my dog in 2010.

Dogs jumping up at you drive me mad. The comments about people should be wearing rough clothes for dog walking are ridiculous me. I don't have a dog and if I'm out for a walk at lunchtime from work why should I have to change into old clothes just because a lot of people have no respect for others and let their dog run up to people and jump up at them? This happened to me a few years ago and I really wish I'd asked the owner to pay for dry cleaning my trousers. In any other circumstance where someone causes damage to property you'd be expected to pay to fix it.

I think YABU for pushing the conversation TBH. You come across as someone who just wants to prove a point and start an arguement.
I had someone do that to me when I was walking my dog. She insisted she saw my dog poo, and I did not pick it up. I saw the poo, and it was stone cold, had a footprint across it, and was the wrong size for my dog. She made me feel like a small child being told off for something they do not understand. I didn't go to the same park for ages after in case I saw her there again.

I had a dog jump all over me in November and I’ve still got the mark on my thigh.
I have dogs but I would be mortified if they jumped on people. I certainly would apologise profusely!

You're both being OTT

She should have better control of her dog and at the very least been apologetic, but equally we've all been there as dog owners where they do something unexpected or decide not to listen. At the end of the day they are animals not robots. Anyone that claims their dog has never done anything it shouldn't is frankly a lying toad.

On your side you were in a muddy park, in the middle of the winter, in a week of heavy rainfall, with a dog - it's not exactly a suprise you got muddy is it?

It's not like it jumped up and savagely attacked you and knocked you to the floor and rolled you around in the mud. You're being quite dramatic over a friendly dog jumping up with muddy paws.

Honestly if you're that precious about having to wash your jeans don't wear them in a muddy park on dog walks.

I accept she was rude but you have given this way to much thought and time. To be honest it was a mundane somewhat unpleasant interaction for you. Let it go.

I do agree with some of the other posters though that designated areas where dogs can play off lead and then on lead areas in public spaces is absolutely the way forward and then everyone has a choice.

I haven't been in that situation with my dog because I keep him on a lead. Its the law to have your dog under your control, if they are the type of dog that decides not to listen, you shouldn't let them off lead in a public place

As a dog owner i tend to agree with this. My dog won't jump up at anyone while we're out but many, many labradors jump up at me because I always have food on me. It really annoys me and I get covered in mud when I have a clean ish dog walking outfit on. But someday my dog will do something completely unexpected that will annoy someone and i'm hoping me just letting it go when the labradors jump all over me will be rewarded by somebody else being kind and forgiving to me

A dog that jumps up once unexpectedly or does something else unexpected is not 'out of control' it's just an animal with it's own brain and nobody can have total control over another animal.
I don't agree that dogs should be confined to a lead it's whole life on the off chance it does a very occasional misdemeanour.
I'm not suggesting for a second I'd just let an unruly dog off lead to jump up at all passers by and then be rude and snippy but equally there's people on here talking about dogs jumping up and stealing food off toddlers and knocking people over and frankly that is NOT the same as a dog one off jumping it's paws onto someone's jeans.

Keep things in perspective.

The OP complaint is that she wore nice jeans and they got muddy. Annoying but hardly the end of the world. The owner was rude, again, unpleasant but hardly an issue to write home about.

This.

Time for more control over dog owners. More dogs on leads law needed since too many owners appear unable to control them.

I remember a few years ago a dog jumped up to DDs (then) shoulder level and left mud all over her school uniform as we were walking to school. Not to mention how scary it must have been for her to have a dog’s face in hers unexpectedly, it scratched her shoulders through her uniform. I was furious at the owner and all he said was ‘you’re obviously not dog lover’. Meanwhile DD was in silent tears and had to go into school muddy and upset.

My two batshit spaniels ignore people and mostly other dogs. I’d be appalled if they jumped at people! They are not keen on going up to people. They’re a bit standoffish, which suits me fine. One of mine insists on endless cuddles before I go to work, so I usually wear already dirty clothes then get changed just before leaving the house. As it is, I’m picking off hair all day.

There’s a Labrador in the park we use whose owner throws her ball endlessly 🤬 but she abandons it to throw herself at me. I came home filthy one day so now I’m noisy and turn away so the owner calls her away. It would be very bad manners to allow her to leap at me.

But in the grand scheme of things it's not really worth being annoyed about, for your own stress levels.

I definitely agree with this… I need to get better at just letting things go…

Disgusting comment

This is a really thoughtful response; thank you. (I’m VERY prone to brooding!)

99% of the time she doesn’t. She’s got fantastic recall as well. Two times in the past couple of weeks she’s gone up to friendly dog walkers who’ve made a bit of a fuss and she’s enthusiastically jumped. She’s been told no. And I believe is learning.

My dog is only ever off lead in a secure dog park that we book a private session at once a week.

I can’t bear it when other dogs are off lead and come bounding up, usually with no owner in sight.

I get this comment all the time.

I have a reactive dog who requires a lot of ongoing training.

I always get the comments about “well lots of people bought dogs during covid and regret it.”

1. I don’t regret her. She just needs ongoing training.
2. she was born in Jan 2024 🤦🏽‍♀️

Oh I don't practise what I preach. I still internally scowl at a local man who walks a mini schnazer. It was on a retractable lead, chased my dog and cheese wired my bare legs when my girl tried to get behind me. It was a lady walking the dog at the time and I have no idea if it's even the same dog! But I'm secretly shaking my fist at him whenever our paths cross, poor man, and it was about 8 years ago!