Unnecessary altercation? Dog-walking incident

[BetterWithPockets]

I was walking my dog in the park yesterday when a pug ran over to me and jumped up, getting mud all over my — relatively smart, clean-on-that-morning — jeans. (For reference, yes, the park itself was muddy but — until that point — my jeans weren’t because I was wearing walking boots, and being careful where I walked.)

I complained to the owner, and our exchange went broadly as follows (it’s not verbatim because I can’t remember it word for word — but hopefully you get the gist).

me: your dog just jumped up at me with muddy paws.
her: oh, right.
me (taken aback): it would be normal to apologise at least.
her: it’s not my fault; that’s just what dogs do; I can’t control what my dog does.
me: you can’t control your dog? You don’t think that’s a problem?
her: it’s your fault; you’re inappropriately dressed; you should wear old clothes to walk your dog, like everyone else.
me: it’s my fault your dog jumped up at me?
The conversation carried on in this vein for about another 30 seconds, then she called me a weird woman and we went our separate ways…

Now, I’m pretty sure she was in the wrong/BU, but here’s my AIBU: given that the damage was already done, so to speak, should I have just kept quiet rather than saying anything?

There’s a saying that sometimes it’s better to be kind than right. Swap kind for quiet, and perhaps that’s what I should have done in this instance — rather than doing what she probably saw as me having a go at her (am trying to put myself in her shoes here!). I mean, what was I hoping to achieve? The most I was ever going to get was an apology so, really, what was the point of saying something?

So, was I BU to speak up?
Yes, you should have kept your trap shut: it’s just mud/there was nothing to be gained from saying anything/you effectively picked a fight and she just gave as good as she got, so let that be a lesson to you…
No: she was being an irresponsible dog owner and it’s good you called her out on it.

Am genuinely undecided as to whether or not I was BU, so interested to hear both sides!

Well, obviously the details of how you react are going to depend on the severity of the misbehaviour and its consequences. The point about humour and compassion isn't that you shouldn't hold people to account when bad things happen. It's more that you should try to avoid being so primed for anger and righteousness that small incidents become confrontational.
No one's interests are served by a dog-walking culture in which people get road ragey every time things go wrong. (Not suggesting the OP was road ragey but she did ask for feedback on her reactions and I did think they suggested too high a level of upset about a small thing).
I usually prefer it when I am the victim of someone else's bad-mannered dog - rather than my dog causing a problem for them. That's because I feel really anxious about the possibility of small angry altercations such as the one that the OP mentions. There is enough anger in the world, and we should all do what we can to minimise it.
Of course I try my hardest to train my dog (and he is pretty well mannered). But no dog is completely predictable, or completely immune to causing a problem. And I would far prefer to live in a world where all dog walkers were experienced enough to recognise this fallibility, so that they react with as much compassion and understanding as could reasonably be expected under the particular circumstances of the situation that they face. That doesn't mean excusing people or (eg) not reporting serious incidences etc etc.

Another reason to avoid stress and anger is that our dogs are extraordinarily sensitive to it and it could influence their behaviour in unhelpful ways. Even if we avoid raised voices and confrontational body language, I imagine that dogs can smell the surge in stress hormones.

No responsible owner would ever say “I can’t control what my dog does” in relation to complaint about the dog running up and jumping at people.

I’m not a big fan of dogs, I’m not scared but am generally just ambivalent.
I hate dogs jumping up at me as I just don’t want them in my space and dislike that I have to justify that to owners who insist their dogs are friendly and just want attention.

Of course she should have apologised. Terrible manners on her part and I would be mildly irked possibly too. Equally, assuming you're not the grandmother with 10 children who will now have to hand wash the jeans in a bucket in front of a fire, it really isnt a massive hassle to wash your jeans. Should you need to? No. Should people allow their dogs to jump up? No. But in the grand scheme of things it's not really worth being annoyed about, for your own stress levels. (I looked like a scarecrow on my walk this morning so I do appreciate it must be more annoying if you're dressed nicely!)

I'd have given her dog a good boot in the arse so no yanbu

I’m the same. I’ve found that what works best is a very confident “No thank you” to the owner of a dog is coming over to me. I repeat that if necessary if they comment on how friendly they are. Tends to work well - although some owners are gobsmacked that you don’t worship their precious “fur baby”

Nope. Same with French bulldogs.

her: it’s not my fault; that’s just what dogs do; I can’t control what my dog does.

I mean just from this alone she is clearly a complete fucking moron. You are literally the only person who CAN control what your dog does!

We have 3 dogs who are very well trained but they have all had their moments over the years and if any of them ever jumped up at someone I would be running over and apologising profusely! I have dogs run over to me and sometimes jump up (which I don't actually mind as I'm usually dressed like a homeless person anyway 😂) but likewise, the owners always apologise. You don't blame the other person / the clothes they're wearing 😆

No responsible owner would ever have a pug so it makes sense....

I'd be mortified if my dog did that and would apologise profusely. However, I do always wear "dog walking" clothes in the park myself, as I seem to be a magnet for dogs jumping up at me for some reason!

I usually prefer it when I am the victim of someone else's bad-mannered dog - rather than my dog causing a problem for them.

Oh absolutely! Me too @MyThreeWords 😂

I’ve got a bloody great 40kg lurcher, I’d be mortified if he jumped up at someone (which he absolutely would so he’s on a lead unless I can’t see anyone else!)

Owner in this case clearly thick, lazy, selfish or combination of all three, but feel it's important to let these morons know that outside their self-centred bubble, this isn't normal.

See: the couple who accosted me and called me rude for asking them to put the Peppa Pig they were using to entertain their toddler on mute so I could hear the play we were watching. Still not over that one.

You were in no way being unreasonable.

My 1 year old lab still sometimes jumps at people. I keep him on a lead (sometimes a 20m one in open fields) because when on that I only have 95% recall. If there is another off lead dog running nearby I can't always trust he will come back rather than run after it. So until he's grown up enough to come back immediately when called, he stays on the long lead. And he has, on a couple of occasions, when having an agreed meet and greet with other on lead dogs in parks, got so excited he has jumped up at the other dog or owner. I've always apologised profusely, even though in every case the other owner has been warned that he's still very excitable and might jump before we've got close. I've appreciated the kindness shown by those people when they've waved off my apologies - I wouldn't expect such kindness if I hadn't apologised.

She was an arsehole

Do you realise how entitled you sound? I walk to the station on my way to work. It is a very popular spot for dog walkers. I wear work clothes but that is fine because I don't get jumped on as the vast majority of dog owners are actually pretty responsible. If your dog jumps up on other people I'm afraid you are in the useless owner minority.

I remember when one of ours was a puppy (about 6 months old). He has always been brilliant off lead with exceptional recall but one day we were walking down the canal and our neighbour and his wife (who LOVE our dogs and always make a huge fuss of them) were walking towards us, all dressed nicely to go out for a Sunday lunch at the local pub... It was summer so he had a pair of light of chinos on (our neighbour, not our dog). Clearly the sight of one of his favourite people was just too much for a pup to handle so he completely ignored me calling him back, legged it at full speed, paws filthy, straight for our neighbour, full body wiggling with excitement as he launched himself right onto his trousers 😭

What about people who aren't walking dogs? Should they also wear scruffs "just in case" some moronic dog owner can't control their dog?? I work to/from work along our canal, so wearing nice office clothes. It's incredibly annoying to get muddy paw prints on my light suit trousers just because some dog owner can't be arsed to train/control their dog.

She should have apologised!

I always wear “dog walking clothes” when walking my dog because I know there’s a good chance that I’ll get dirty from someone else’s dog, especially in this weather. I do find it annoying having to dress for other people’s unruly pets.

One time in the summer I had an appointment early in the morning so I wore my normal clothes on my dog walk so that I could quickly drop my dog off at home and set straight off for my appointment. I thought I was “safe” because the ground was bone dry so I couldn’t possibly get muddy if a dog jumped on me………a dog pissed up my leg instead! Not even joking, that’s the sort of luck I have.

The last time a dog jumped up at me, it was in the lane outside its house and a woman from a neighbouring house told me it was my problem as the dog lived there and I didn’t. I was beside myself with rage but couldn’t tell her what I thought of her because she had a child with her.

I had this exact same thing just before christmas walking my puppy on a lead. Another puppy raced over, jumped up at me getting mud all over leggings, and jumping all over my puppy who was very excited.I am training really hard with my pupster to behave nicely and not jump around. I asked the other dog owner to get her dog and her response was 'he is just a puppy he cant help it' and 'you shouldnt have worn pale clothes (even though i actually didnt even mention the jumping up). I then picked her dog up to get it away from mine and she shouted at me. So I shouted back. Not very becoming but I was very tired and stressed and she was an idiot. Its not hard is it, if you cant keep your dog from going over to others (like i cant at the moment with my puppy but can with my older dog) keep it on a lead! YNBU.

"Of course I try my hardest to train my dog (and he is pretty well mannered). But no dog is completely predictable, or completely immune to causing a problem."

Which is exactly why you should keep your "fur baby" on the lead and under control.

A dog jumped up and knocked over my child in the park and I got the "He's only being friendly" speech, I asked the owner if the dog had been neutered and he asked why would that matter...my reply was "well either the dog is getting kicked in the knackers or you are..."

There are good, polite, responsible dog owners and there are idiot dog owners. This woman was one of the latter.
Trying to reason with an idiot dog owner is like trying to pay chess with a pigeon.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I don’t think you know what technically means.