Unnecessary altercation? Dog-walking incident

[BetterWithPockets]

I was walking my dog in the park yesterday when a pug ran over to me and jumped up, getting mud all over my — relatively smart, clean-on-that-morning — jeans. (For reference, yes, the park itself was muddy but — until that point — my jeans weren’t because I was wearing walking boots, and being careful where I walked.)

I complained to the owner, and our exchange went broadly as follows (it’s not verbatim because I can’t remember it word for word — but hopefully you get the gist).

me: your dog just jumped up at me with muddy paws.
her: oh, right.
me (taken aback): it would be normal to apologise at least.
her: it’s not my fault; that’s just what dogs do; I can’t control what my dog does.
me: you can’t control your dog? You don’t think that’s a problem?
her: it’s your fault; you’re inappropriately dressed; you should wear old clothes to walk your dog, like everyone else.
me: it’s my fault your dog jumped up at me?
The conversation carried on in this vein for about another 30 seconds, then she called me a weird woman and we went our separate ways…

Now, I’m pretty sure she was in the wrong/BU, but here’s my AIBU: given that the damage was already done, so to speak, should I have just kept quiet rather than saying anything?

There’s a saying that sometimes it’s better to be kind than right. Swap kind for quiet, and perhaps that’s what I should have done in this instance — rather than doing what she probably saw as me having a go at her (am trying to put myself in her shoes here!). I mean, what was I hoping to achieve? The most I was ever going to get was an apology so, really, what was the point of saying something?

So, was I BU to speak up?
Yes, you should have kept your trap shut: it’s just mud/there was nothing to be gained from saying anything/you effectively picked a fight and she just gave as good as she got, so let that be a lesson to you…
No: she was being an irresponsible dog owner and it’s good you called her out on it.

Am genuinely undecided as to whether or not I was BU, so interested to hear both sides!

My dog would be on the lead so would have been restrained from jumping up. But isn't it simply good manners to apologise if someone looks cross or complains? She was the weird woman, not you.

I have two huge dogs and I hate dogs jumping on me. Mine never jump up and I made sure to train them not to. Of course they would knock people over if they jumped. You were totally right.

It never ceases to amaze me when dog owners say that they can't (or more likely, won't) control their dogs. WTAF?! If you can't control you dog,you shouldn't bloody well have one then! Don't get me wrong,I love dogs, although I am more of a cat person, and I have met plenty of responsible dog owners. But I have witnessed in recent years a sizable minority of owners who think it's fine to let their animals do exactly as they want, even it's it is annoying and inconvenient to other people,then just shrug and say 'Not my responsibility'. Yes it bloody well is! It's a domestic animal,not a free running animal like a deer or a fox,or a badger!

but just because YOU are on a dog walk, doesn't mean everyone else is.
If this is in a park, plenty of people may be just walking through the park on their way home. Why should they tolerate a dog jumping up at them?

She should have apologised to you because her dog had muddied your clothing. She sounds entitled and selfish.

I hate dogs and dog owners who allow their dogs to do this. DH is blind and if we are out walking it is very unnerving and uncomfortable when an uncontrolled dog jumps on him and I just think it’s plain rude. Control your dog ffs

Nah you were right, some dog owners need calling out, even if it just achieves letting them know they are crap owners.

Her comment about not being able to control her dog is telling. Her dog needs to be under her control at all times in public. If the dog keeps running off it should be on a lead. If your dog was reactive and hurt her dog it would be on her for allowing her dog to run wild. You were right to challenge her so she might start to realise her responsibility as a dog owner.
And it doesn't matter whether you are wearing expensive jeans or cheap clothes - you don't want to be walking around covered in mud so that argument is stupid

Oh very much so, on the same outing as the muddy spaniel, I was still trying to brush the worst of the mud off when round the corner came a very wet and muddy rottweiler at full tilt followed by the owner.

I braced expecting the worst when a sharp whistle sounded, the Rottie stopped in its tracks and returned to the owner. Such a contrast. We exchanged a polite good morning and everyone carried on.

Sadly my own two dogs are not half as well trained so stay on leads when out in public.

I’ve been walking a 6 month old lab for a friend recently. She is lovely and well behaved but can get excitable. On a couple of occasions she’s jumped at other dog walkers (never just walkers) and I’ve apologised profusely. Everyone’s been fine about it. I’d be pissed off if a dog jumped at me with muddy paws - agree that dogs should be under control and where jumping has occurred I’m at fault.

If you know she jumps, why isn't she on a lead?

Not unreasonable because at least when her dog does it again she might apologise, as she should have to you

Too many people own dogs but cannot control them, nor know how to train them. Some are actually a danger to others, ie attempting to leap out at people etc.

She should definitely have apologised, I like dogs but not everyone does and some are genuinely scared of them so any responsible dog owner shouldn’t let that happen or at least apologise if it does.

Ah, I sometimes think I’m not afraid enough of confrontation. (Like you, I’d also be profuse in my apologies if my dog did that to someone, though…)

I completely agree that if your dog’s a jumper and can’t be controlled, it should be on a lead.
Your poor friend’s dog; I’m not surprised it was terrified/traumatised.

And your excuse for when your dog jumps up at non dog owners who are also enjoying the park ?

I definitely think if you don’t have a dog yourself you shouldn’t have to put up with dogs running up to you. The one thing I’ve trained ALL my dogs (and I’ve had several over the years) to do is stay. That way, if they even look like they might run up to another dog, or person, I can tell them to stay and they will. (It’s for their safety too; if they were heading towards a road, for example, I could also tell them to stay.)
I also agree that if you can’t control your dog, you shouldn’t have one. Or at least keep it on a lead!
To me, dogs are a bit like children — I love mine but I don’t expect everyone else to, nor to indulge them…

This is very astute, and good advice I think; I agree with you. I’m not always very good at walking away from confrontation and definitely need to get better at it.

I’d be mortified tooif my dog jumped up at anyone (but I’ve also put work into training him not to!).
I love the idea of three batshit spaniels, btw. Mine’s a very dim golden retriever (though I’ve also had lurchers and terriers).

For the love of god.#bekind, aye right

I definitely agree with this!

The thing is, I put a lot of work into training my dogs. All of them, over the years, would freeze if I told them to stay — that’s always been one of my big things with my dogs, and if they can’t do it, then they have to be on a lead — but it definitely takes effort on the owner’s part (not just initially but lots of reinforcement too).
I think it’s completely fair that you’re not polite if you come across someone who just can’t be bothered.

I was in a cafe the other day with my DD and her friend, who is terrified of dogs. Someone who clearly knew the owners came in with their dog (another pug funnily enough!) off the lead. The dog was going up to every table and sniffing around — which petrified poor DD’s friend. I think you’re right that dog owners need to be aware not everyone likes dogs or, as you say, might have a phobia.

I beg your pardon? Not all dog owners got their dogs in Covid FFS! That was 6 years ago now… Tens of millions of dogs have been born since, surely you know this already?!?