Old and invisible.

[NovemberMorn]

It is a fact of life, once you get past a certain age, you become less noticable.
Once you get past the middle age and get into the definitely OLD age, peoples attitudes change again.

YANBU.
I accept that and welcome it? No more being gawped at by men and looked at as a threat by other women.

YABU.

I love the attention and advantages that being young and attractive brings. I dread the ageing process and how it will change others opinions of me.

I, for one, haven't voted, because of the way the OP described what she was attributing to either option. Neither of them were something I could vote for.

I presume this poster is referring to her estimation of what people are writing in the comments.

Good grief.

Your proclamations are getting more ridiculous as the thread goes on.
Which is quite impressive considering what you stated in your opening post.

I don't think its an issue for men. Because if visibility is being eyed up and down by the opposite sex, commented on audibly, catcalled, approached in the street, most will have been 'invisible' their whole lives, because that behaviour is almost exclusively male patterned. To a man visibility is far more likely to be around being seen by other men, having his voice heard, taking up space. None of that is likely to decline for him as he gets older, particularly if he gets wealthier and more senior in his job, as most do with age.
Even the type of low status unattractive men you describe are unlikely to feel it. They are visible to their mates, the bookie, the landlord. If women don't look at them, so what? They will be judging a woman on how attractive they find her, not worrying about what she thinks of them.

Those who have not become invisible would you say it is because you are an extrovert with a strong personality? Or is it down to good looks and ageing well? Or something else.

A plain introvert probably didn't have a great deal of attention when young?

I would say that the whole idea is daft narcissism by people with no craic

I’m 60 this year and I blooming love it! The freedom to wear whatever I like! Those yellow DMs with a lilac satin shirt which has stiletto collar paired with barrel leg jeans a white knitted vest and a tweed jacket full to the brim with brooches!

I have also worked with older women who have been spiteful for no reason, everyone has different experiences
How rude to call a different opinion to your own bollocks.

YANBU.

I got plenty of attention and early on. I was naive at times, not realising it was sexually charged. Idiot me.

As I got older (and more cynical) I realised, and now I'm that bit older again it's just a much, much nicer feeling when men are friendly towards you simply because they're nice people and they want to be nice to you and not because they're trying to get their end away 🙄

My DDs are waaay more clued up about disgusting men than I was at their age!

So I did kinda enjoy the attention at times as a young un, but nah, don't miss it. Men are gross 😂

Wear stylish bold clothes.

I have never been that much chased by men but many of them are my intellectual inferiors - especially if they go by externals - so it is of no consequence. Also medical professionals tend to be respectful if they are told you are a nuclear physicist. (I am, but why not be a little adventurous with the truth 😁?)
https://www.scottishpoetrylibrary.org.uk/poem/warning/

I like being more invisible. I felt I was preyed upon or looked at as a prize when younger .
Some little scrote on an e bike did shout MILF in my face a couple of weeks back, even though it was raining and I was basicallg wearing a duvet and looked like i had been in a washing machine so I guess they arent that choosey 😂

I’m middle aged but constantly told I look a lot younger with people shocked when I tell them the ages of my now adult children.

I like this a lot, however the flip side is my middle aged brain doesn’t like it when people dismiss me as a silly young girl.

Would I say I’m invisible now I’m older? A year ago when I was three stone overweight then yes but since I’ve lost the weight people have started being nicer to me. People hold the door open for me again which they had stopped doing whilst I was overweight.

This makes me think it’s about appearance rather than age. If you’re wanting to get noticed as an older person then be that glam older person, I always admire the effort they make and it makes me smile. You can’t help but notice them.

Some women see others as a threat.
I have known several divorcees and widows who have said female friends who were married, stopped inviting them around, as if they didn't trust them round their husbands.

I l9ve that poem, thank you for posting it.😎

Methinks some women on this thread are protesting a little too much.

I would argue that some women on this thread are PROJECTING a little too much.

If you place a high significance on youth and beauty and other people finding you attractive then it's possible you're assuming everyone does. They don't though. Honestly.

I can't imagine feeling threatened by other women at my age. When I was young and hadn't learned not to seek out external validation, sure. But not now. I genuinely don't know anyone who wouldn't allow an attractive single female friend around their husband. The idea is laughable!

I am in my 60’s old and wrinkly, I wasn’t good looking at 20 so Om certainly not now. However I get lots of attention from men and women of all ages.
How?
I give them some attention first. I’m warm and friendly show an interest in them and 99% of the time people respond positively. Funnily enough I find young attractive men are particularly nice, even if it is because I remind them of their gran.
Most people like people who appear to like them. I wish I’d known this years ago I could have made a fortune in sales.

This. Weight is the invisibility cloak, not age.

I wear makeup every day and have a strong style, smile a lot and I’m friendly and never been invisible, I don’t understand it at all.
If someone has never stood out appearance wise and been shy, then surely they’ve always felt this invisible thing?

Second this.

I have always been a smiler. When you smile and you make a bit of warm, friendly chat, you will not go unnoticed. People appreciate it.

I wonder if the people who feel invisible are often also life's takers. You know, the people who go into a room and think everyone else is responsible for making them feel comfortable.

I still don’t get this attitude at all. I’ve always envied older people with the ease they communicate with each other and socialise.

Older women have been mean to you at work because they're jealous of your youth and beauty. Right.

I read that poem quite differently after caring for my mother. 😳

It no longer feels celebratory and mischievous, but more like ‘after a life of rigid and repressive conformity, you can look forward to spitting everywhere and becoming a late onset alcoholic when you get dementia!’

I probably need to stay away from literature about old age until I’ve processed my caregiver trauma a bit more 😬

Oh, this definitely happens!