Old and invisible.

[NovemberMorn]

It is a fact of life, once you get past a certain age, you become less noticable.
Once you get past the middle age and get into the definitely OLD age, peoples attitudes change again.

YANBU.
I accept that and welcome it? No more being gawped at by men and looked at as a threat by other women.

YABU.

I love the attention and advantages that being young and attractive brings. I dread the ageing process and how it will change others opinions of me.

I find that men talk to me now and not at my tits .I don’t miss being leered at and groped at all .

No more being ... looked at as a threat by other women.

When you were younger you thought that 'other women' saw you as a threat? So this thread isn't about how women become less visible as they get older. It is about how women-who-are-better-looking-than-their-friends get less visible as they get older?

This makes me think that you self-image is very distinctive and that what has changed as you get older (and made you feel less visible) isn't so much other people's behaviour as your own perception of yourself.

You don't like the way you look as you get older, so you don't go out into the world with that sassy self-confidence that imagines all heads turn towards you when you enter the room, either in desire or in envy.

It is surely just a fantasy that other women saw you as a threat. May be one or two women did, if you both were attracted to the same possible partner (in which case you probably saw them as a threat too). But unless you live in some daft soap opera, or a novel written by a man, it is simply not true that women routinely felt threatened by you, no matter how good looking you were.

I like being 74. Others may see me as old but I’m not invisible to anyone.

Im not 40 yet and ive been invisible since my late 20s.

To get served at the bar

If you feel invisible then you need to develop a bit more style depending on the amount of attention you'd like to attract; a few glances in your direction during the day; or people shouting from moving cars at you?

Do you think the woman below looks invisible? Would you fail to clock her in the fruit & veg aisle at Sainsbury's. She is 85.

Definitely not invisible in any way, I never understand these threads?
I feel more visible as I age, more part of the adult world where everyone chats to each other, more part of the community, taken more seriously. Get chatted up and stared at more than ever. My mum was still getting chatted up in her 70s and propositioned by friends of my dad. I think maybe these people who talk about invisibility aren’t into making an effort with their appearance but seem to expect men to look at them in an attracted way.

Exactly! How is she invisible

You are certainly not supposed to be upset that men don't find you sexually attractive anymore....it's a bloody blessing imo.
I also put women ARE being unreasonable if they have that attitude, though 'unreasonable' is a bit of a stretch, if that's how they feel, who am I to judge?

It is a fact of life, once you get past a certain age, you become less noticable.

YABVU to try to state this as if it were a fact.
It isn't a fact at all. Or not for everyone.

I have seen this too, and it's stomach churning.
I have sons and grandsons, so as an adult I haven't had to deal with it, but I do remember when young the wolf whistling and obvious comments men passed to girls and young women.
I guess we were conditioned to just ignore it back then. It's definitely not done so openly nowadays, but I think if anything, women are treated worse now than they were 3 or 4 decades ago.

The hardest thing about getting older is losing the people you love not losing your looks.

Exactly. It might be for OP but not for a lot of people.

The best way to get noticed is to smile. A nice, genuine open heartfelt warm smile.

I'm 58. I work in part-time in Art Events as a hostess... but I even smile a lot when I'm getting on the bus, I smile at school kids, I smile at men, at women, at babies, even at dogs... and you know what? Most people smile back. Try it.

I think invisibility is a state of mind. If you are talking about looking and acting sexually provocative and available, well at 58, I'm over that.

I wasn't implying that was your view point OP.
But there have been quite a few threads on MN started by OP's who do bemoan the fact they feel invisible to men.

As you say if that's how they feel so be it. But feeling that it matters adds yet another difficult thing to negotiate in this business of getting older.

What age do you think you start become invisible/men stop noticing you @NovemberMorn ? Out of interest. Mind you, if you’ve been a munter all your life the transition is probably a lot easier. Silver lining I suppose 🤣

I'm in the transition atm and am enjoying it tbh. Not that I noticed attention in the UK much, but when travelling as a leggy, white, blonde I didn't enjoy it. Even if I dressed very conservatively. Recently returned to a country I'd previously not enjoyed much due to the type of attitude and attention I got. I was really nervous and almost didn't go. But boy what a difference 15 years and 2 kids makes. I wasn't ignored, but I also wasn't groped and propositioned at every opportunity. People were just nice. If that's aging I'll take it!

Ive never measured my self worth as being dependent on the male gaze. I value myself on my human morals, properties and kindness. Why would any woman give a fig about people looking at them in a judgemental way. For perspective I’m Female and 67, but have always felt this way.

I definitely also welcome the lack of male attention. A PP has started it started for her at 11. When I was walking home from primary in the 1970s, aged about 8, a man exposed himself to me.

I went to a religious secondary school and I think of the local scumbags used to view as innocent virgins. I had constant harassment from men while walking home.

On the other hand, my GP sent me to A&E last week. I didn't want to go but she insisted. The nurse I saw there treated me like a neurotic time waster. I reckon if I'd been 20 years younger or male, I would have had much better treatment.

I’m 41 and I feel fantastically noticed owing to my work and achievements at work, as a really valued mentor by junior women colleagues, adored by family, cousins and kids, and find myself grateful every day.

What am I missing? Who else is supposed to notice my what? What could possibly be more valuable and noteworthy than the above?

Well, I was generalising.😀

However, I know many women are unnerved by youth and beauty. In the workplace and in social situations.
You may hate it...but it's true.

I love how my grandchildren regard and interact with me. The best

😆

I can tell you how my husband feels, he couldn't care less.
He definitely gets treated different now he has aged when he is driving, even I have noticed that.
He drove for a living and now retired is still a good driver. But sometimes younger drivers see his silver hair, and speed past, even cut him up.
The joke is he is a far better driver than they will ever be.

I've never been "visible" as far as I can tell what does this mean? I'm not "one or the lads" or anything but I've always had to earn my place in a situation by being useful or interesting. The idea of getting attention or privilege for my appearance is pretty alien.

I hope... Seriously I can't imagine what sort of horrible things it might entail.

I love it too, and have said so....and I am probably older than most on here. 😏