Old and invisible.

[NovemberMorn]

It is a fact of life, once you get past a certain age, you become less noticable.
Once you get past the middle age and get into the definitely OLD age, peoples attitudes change again.

YANBU.
I accept that and welcome it? No more being gawped at by men and looked at as a threat by other women.

YABU.

I love the attention and advantages that being young and attractive brings. I dread the ageing process and how it will change others opinions of me.

One of the best things about getting older/old, is no longer giving a monkey’s cuss about what other people think.

Plus, as a pp said, giving zero fucks about the latest fashions, especially when they’re hideous (yes, barrel legs, I’m looking at you.). You just go for what suits you and is comfortable.

You don’t have to be attractive to men to make them leer, just young and female

I think only women feel this way because as women we don’t treat men in the same way and so they don’t come to expect it in life. We clearly enjoy the attention otherwise becoming ‘invisible’ I.e not having random men gawp at us wouldn’t be an issue. I’m largely blind to the male gaze, my DH always loves to point it out to me but I genuinely rarely notice or care.

I'm 46 and definitely not invisible, however, the difference to twenty years ago is if I don't like the attention it's direct "fuck off" without batting an eyelid.

I do think once women reach a certain age, we would be brilliant recruits for MI5. My secret power is I have become invisible and people seem to instantly forget they have ever met me (it has happened on many occasions)!

I am 50 and get attention from men when I go out, but these men are my age and older not young men which I’m thankful for because I couldn’t think of anything worse than being hit on by a young person.
I don’t feel invisible - maybe I am to some people but who cares I am enjoying my life as much as I can while my husband and I are still able bodied and minded
I am told I don’t look my age and I dress how I want to dress not ‘for my age’ I was attractive in my youth but my youth was mostly taken up with raising children and visiting the park not going out to bars and thinking about about male attention

I worry that I will become invisible at work. I will need to work for the long haul, and i hate the idea that people will start to evaluate my contributions differently. A colleague the same age said she'd start to dye her hair again if she needed to find a new job. Gendered ageism is definitely a concern women have outside of being considered a sex object.

How I hate this bit in your original YANBU "and looked at as a threat by other women".

Well I’m jogging on in years, but I’ve ever felt that. I get on as well with people now as I ever did. 🤷‍♀️

Nobody ever starts a thread that asks how men feel about getting invisible as they age. Surely they do? Or are there lots of women out their cricking their necks to ogle the blokes with paunches, comb overs and stained anoraks smoking outside BetFred or drinking in the Wetherspoons garden at 10am?

Im 64 and still get men gawping at me. All I want is for them to piss off. Trust me, when you do get to this age you wont care.
Im not interested in the old grey beards my age. They put zero effort into their appearance.

There are older men who regularly come back into my workplace well after retirement for lunchtime talks and socials. I think it's because their whole lives were about work. They were 'somebody' at work, well respected etc. And just being beige Gerald in the supermarket must be quite a shock after that.

I'm 58 and one of the things I dislike about getting older is the "Karen" concept. Young women who don't take any crap are seen as feisty with good boundaries. Men who don't take any crap are seen as strong and in control of situations. But as soon as a woman hits 40, if she dares to complain about anything, she's called a "Karen". Really pisses me off.

beige Gerald 😂😂😂

I think a lot of men in highpowered jobs are terrified of retirement and not being a player. I noticed it a lot at work - men who were really big in their jobs were scared of leaving them - and their wives had long since created their own lives where they weren't needed. There were always a few well-grounded men though who enjoyed their work, took pleasure in their achievements but defined themselves more by what they were outside of work. .

I was pretty when young and got a fair bit of attention. I do notice how I am treated differently now (but mostly treated well - people are nice to older people where I am). I don't care much. I do make sure that I have female medical doctors though - far more likely to take me seriously (although even that isn't a given).

I'm ancient and I don't care much about invisibility.

But once when a friend and I went to a bar abroad, had a cocktail (we look after ourselves and look good for our age I think even though sixties) and we couldn't attract attention to pay so went up to the till. Lo and behold all the beautiful people had arrived and getting attention to pay for our cocktails was hard work! So tempted to walk out. So invisible.
Also saw this when out for a meal with our DDs... we were so not there as the young male wait staff were being ridiculous around them

I am finally invisible and I love it!

Yes, it is my role in life to be gawped at by men and seen as a threat by women. Are you for real? Is this genuinely how you see younger women vs older women?

Is there something a bit broken about mumsnet at the moment, or is it a reflection of society as a whole?

"Beige Gerald" 🤣
It is always the type who had office power trips swanning around in a suit. Suddenly in slacks in the frozen aisle, deciding on whether to go for breaded or crispy fish fingers.

Only invisible when I'm dead !

Many women really come into their own later in life. They have more time for hobbies, charity work, career, campaigning or other passions. They're comfortable in their own skin and know their style.

They have wisdom, can pass it on, help others and contribute to society. Mostly they're at the very heart of their social circle and family too.

When I think of the most known and noticeable people in my town (from people on the council and committees to leaders of voluntary groups, to the vicar) the vast majority of them are bloody wonderful, women of a certain age.

I bet they spend as much time as I do worrying about whether they attract the male gaze (that's zero time) but I bet they all feel noticed, visible and in their full power.

Anyone who thinks women of a certain age are invisible should haul their arse down to the nearest beach or sea pool and see a group of older women swimmers having the time of their lives and as visible as it's as possible to be.

I totally get the whole invisibility - I'm late 50s. And I don't mean invisible to men.

For me, when I hit my late 40s I found that younger people, mostly women, joining my work were meeting up together at lunch and evenings and I wasn't invited. I was well liked and respected but it was almost like a parent/child kind of thing - you don't necessarily want to hang out with your parents. This was a tricky one to navigate for me as I'd always been popular and 'in the cool gang' as a child and as a younger woman. The problem is, as you age, you just feel exactly the same inside so it's tough to think of yourself as the office old fogey!

The only male attention I need is from my h and he gives it freely and compliments me because he loves me.
I used to hate feeling like a piece of meat to be sized up and leered at random men when I was younger.

Oh come on, OP, it's great. You can just do what you like and not be bothered by anyone. Invisibility rules (who said that? 😂).

It’s not all or nothing, you know.

I’m 50. Nobody is panting after me in the street, but I didn’t notice that happening all that much even when I was young and relatively attractive - except from menacing pervs, and they’ll do that to anyone.

If there were women who regarded me as a ‘threat’, they’d have been the sort of paranoid shit-stirrers I tend to avoid anyway.

I’ve got wrinkles and a saggy neck (the downside of all that coveted youthful slimness!) and my hair is going grey, and people still look me in the eye and talk to me, and I’m respected in the work I do, and I have friends who are excited to spend time with me. I don’t feel at all that I’m invisible.

I know this doesn’t happen for everyone or even most women, but my libido is AWOL, and the idea of some old duffer flirting with me just makes me feel pity and exhaustion. Even some strapping young man flirting with me would feel like a patronising nuisance. So it’s no great loss to me that I’m not inspiring lust in everyone I meet - it would be a bit of a drag, honestly!

You adjust to the time of life you’re in, and if you’re lucky you’re not still chasing at 50 what felt thrilling at 20.