Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

Why did his sister need to go to A&E?

You’ve said you don’t know them well but assuming he knows them well. Why would you think that your husband isn’t friends with good people?

Surprised he didn’t call you though.

She fell off her bike, she’s broken her arm and collar bone.

No YANBU. They could have been anyone. Who knows whether they might have fed the baby the wrong thing, put them to sleep on a sofa, not noticed that a nappy needed changing. Would they have known what to do if the baby started screaming, was sick, or worse injured herself. I’m not even going down the road of child abuse or shaken babies here for it to be pretty bad.

He should have taken the baby to A&E with him, asked his sister to take a taxi or at worst called you and dropped baby at the brunch on his way (not ideal but I’d have preferred this to leaving her with three total strangers).

His little sister needed to be taken to A and E? Your baby is fine? He presumably knows and trusts his friends? What do you think he should have done instead?

They weren’t strangers to the baby’s dad though.

They were friends of his and obviously competent. He’s her father and he thought it was fine. Seems perfectly reasonable solution

They could have been anyone

They were friends of the child’s father. He felt comfortable to leave the baby with them. And the baby was fine. Surely it was nicer for the baby to be at home than carted around to sit in an A&E department?

It was an emergency! Perfectly fine as he knows them and she was happy.

Erm there are plenty of my partners friends who are “good people” but who I 💯 would not trust to look after my kids at short notice. If they’ve not got kids themselves, are impatient, or just a bit dopey- not necessarily bad people just not capable of safely caring for a 6 month old.

I think it sounds like an emergency to be honest. That would be a really painful experience for his sister & I imagine he didn’t want to drag a baby out in the cold to sit in A&E. So I think he was probably put in a difficult position & had to make a snap decision.

It was an emergency! Do you not trust his friends, or his judgement?

Would you trust your judgement leaving your baby with any of your close friends in an emergency?
If so no reason for things to be different because it was your DH and his friends.

The obvious thing in an emergency would have been to ask you to come home and for his friends to have covered just the time it took you to get back, so I think it was odd of him. However, he is your child's equal parent and clearly trusts his friends, just as you'd probably trust certain people yourself in an emergency, so while it's not what I'd have done, I don't think it was irresponsible or unsafe of him if he knows and trusts the people.

How old is DH’s little sister? Was anyone else able to do this or was your DH her only option?

Would you have preferred him to take the baby with him?

No one plans to need emergency childcare.

I'd imagine in the reverse situation you'd leave your daughter with close friends whilst you went to A&E so I honestly don't see that he's done anything wrong.

Clearly it was an emergency with his sister,broken arm and clavicle is bloody awful.
He knows his friends well and he obviously had to make a quick decision. Taking baby to AE as well would have been really awful.

But the parent felt these people were able to care for the baby. Why isn’t his judgement valid? If you love and trust someone enough to marry and have a baby with them you surely trust their judgment on something like this?

I think yabu, it was an emergency, not like he went to the pub.

Yabu - if the shoe was on the other foot and it was your friends would it be an issue.

to be fair - I would have been upset if the reaction to my little sister breaking 2 bones after a bike accident was dj complaining I’d left the baby with my friends

@5128gap

I don’t really think the father is an equal parent when a six month old baby is involved. The mother has carried that baby and given birth to her, the bond is different with the mother. Fathers are vitally important but not equal to a mother in this context. I strongly believe in a mother’s instinct to protect and the father’s conduct here is odd.

Also I wouldn’t leave an unfamiliar adult with my kids even now, and they’re older. So many cases of child sexual abuse are committed by a family friend left with a child. Shaken babies are often the mum’s new partner. They could be anyone’s friend but I’m not trusting them with my young kids. Plus quite traumatic for the baby potentially to have literally no-one who looks and smells familiar around?

I never thought to ask my husband if it was ok to leave OUR child with people that I trusted. I would expect him to respect my judgment. Many young children are with childminders/in nursery/being babysat by people that at least one of the parents has never met.
Now if was dumping our kid with just anyone to go to the pub, and refused to ever be with our child, that's different. But I've never met a mum who rings her husband to check if it's ok to leave the kids with certain people.

He should of phoned you to let you know imo as baby is still quite small and obviously he might of needed to be out more for an hour!

Saying that I’m sure he trusts his friends, he is the father so he gets a say too.

I have left my DS with my friends if needed for 30-60 mins, I’d be a bit miffed if DH had a go at me for it because I know I trust them