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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

932 replies

28loloie · 26/01/2026 14:52

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

OP posts:
MsSquiz · 26/01/2026 15:06

@28loloiewhat do you think he should’ve done on this situation?

Original poster
28loloie · 26/01/2026 15:07

StarlightRobot · 26/01/2026 15:03

How old is DH’s little sister? Was anyone else able to do this or was your DH her only option?

She is 11, DH is the only who could drive her, but he just dropped her off with his mum. No reason DD couldn’t have gone in the car too.

OP posts:
CakeIsNotAvailable · 26/01/2026 15:07

I think YABVU, sorry. They are his friends. He knows them and trusts them. There were 3 of them, so it's not like one person was alone with your child. It was an emergency. Statistically, it may well have been more risky for him to take the baby along for an unnecessary car journey.

The first year of your baby's life is tough for both parents. I'd try to be kind to each other, and try to assume that he's acting with good intentions, unless you get clear evidence to the contrary.

Original poster
28loloie · 26/01/2026 15:07

MsSquiz · 26/01/2026 15:06

@28loloiewhat do you think he should’ve done on this situation?

Taken DD with him to pick his sister and mum up, drop them at the hospital and then come home with her.

OP posts:
lifeinmyfortress · 26/01/2026 15:09

Where were the sister's parents, and why didn't they step in for their daughter? Your husband's overriding duty is to his own newborn.I would be asking myself why he didn't phone you to explain, wait for you to return, then go with his sister if needed.Absolutely not ok.

StarlightRobot · 26/01/2026 15:09

How long was the drive to drop the sister and the mum at the hospital? Unless we are talking about a long journey I think the decision to leave the baby with three people who don’t know her is very odd. It sounds like he messed up and needs a bit of a head wobble.

Katiesaidthat · 26/01/2026 15:09

Weird take. It was an emergency. I would´ve expected him to give me the heads up so I could make my way home early or not. But I trust my husband´s judgement on this one. Amazed at those who would take out of choice SIX month old to a hospital full of contagious illnesses when the child isn´t fully vaccinated and their immune system isn´t fully developed. You´re the crazy ones.

pinkspeakers · 26/01/2026 15:09

It sounds like it was something of an emergency, it wasn't for long. and they were known to your DH. You should trust his judgement.

I do think he should probably have let you know, but didn't want to disturb you and spoil your first day out.

Starlight1979 · 26/01/2026 15:10

Heronwatcher · 26/01/2026 14:58

No YANBU. They could have been anyone. Who knows whether they might have fed the baby the wrong thing, put them to sleep on a sofa, not noticed that a nappy needed changing. Would they have known what to do if the baby started screaming, was sick, or worse injured herself. I’m not even going down the road of child abuse or shaken babies here for it to be pretty bad.

He should have taken the baby to A&E with him, asked his sister to take a taxi or at worst called you and dropped baby at the brunch on his way (not ideal but I’d have preferred this to leaving her with three total strangers).

Jesus Christ.

Heronwatcher · 26/01/2026 15:10

NerrSnerr · 26/01/2026 15:04

But the parent felt these people were able to care for the baby. Why isn’t his judgement valid? If you love and trust someone enough to marry and have a baby with them you surely trust their judgment on something like this?

Show quote history

You can love and trust someone and still think they made the wrong call. Leaving a 6 month old baby with someone the mum hasn’t even met is clearly the wrong call, especially when he didn’t even give the OP a call beforehand and give her the chance to come home instead or have the baby dropped to her at brunch. Babies of this age are so vulnerable it’s not the time for blind trust. Plus IME many dads are just a bit basic when it comes to risk assessment in these cases.

Obviously if the situation was that the Dad knew they had recent experience with babies, that he’s known them for 20 years and explained that then the OP might have agreed to it but we don’t know if this is the case.

Goactually · 26/01/2026 15:11

28loloie · 26/01/2026 15:07

She is 11, DH is the only who could drive her, but he just dropped her off with his mum. No reason DD couldn’t have gone in the car too.

Show quote history

Transporting sister with broken arm and clavicle would require someone to preferably be sitting next to her supporting her arm . Where would baby car seat go ?
Obviously in the perfect world he would have called you but was probably quite caught up in the emergency with his sister.

rainbowstardrops · 26/01/2026 15:11

I wouldn’t be happy about this either. You don’t really know them and you’re not comfortable leaving your baby just yet anyway.
I also find it pathetic that he needed to invite friends over because you were going out for a couple of hours and pretty shitty to then bugger off and leave the friends in the house …. with his baby!
Couldn’t he manage to be on his own with his own baby?

CurlewKate · 26/01/2026 15:12

If my dp had had a go at me for leaving one of our children with my friends for an hour in an emergency I would not have been impressed!

TheNightingalesStarling · 26/01/2026 15:12

If you were visiting a friend, and that friend had to go out for a similar emergency, would you not say "Go, we can watch Baby".

I did it for a friend when her child was a toddler.
A neighbour did it for when ours were 4&6, we had moved in the month before, and they saw the ambulance outside (while her husband drove to pick me up to get me home to them as quickly as possible)

99pwithaflake · 26/01/2026 15:12

It’s fine. Presumably you trust your DH to not leave his baby with someone he doesn’t trust himself?

BendingSpoons · 26/01/2026 15:12

It was an urgent situation and he had to make a quick decision, whilst potentially being a bit stressed. He decided it was better to leave DD with his friends, where she could have her bottle, rather than potentially crying for it in the car. They are his friends, not random strangers. It seems like a reasonable decision made in a rush. It would equally have been reasonable for him to take DD with him. Your DD is fine, so I would let this one go.

lifeinmyfortress · 26/01/2026 15:12

Just seen that he drove his sister and their mum to a and e-can't his mum drive? Why didn't he take the baby with them, drop them off at the entrance, then come home-baby would never leave the car. If they expected him to collect them, he could have gone back after you had got back. Which you would have done, had he deigned to inform you. This just feels off.

Butonlyjust · 26/01/2026 15:13

This little girl would have been screaming in agony

and you think reasonable that he got nappy bag, baby in snowsuit, in to the car seat etc etc

FGS

loulouljh · 26/01/2026 15:13

Over reacting. The Dad won't leave his child with inappropriate people!

Lostearrings · 26/01/2026 15:14

This sounds like an entirely sensible solution. It was an emergency. These were friends of your DH. Your DD is 6 months old and takes a bottle so all of her needs could be met whilst he was gone and she’s too young to be going through separation anxiety so wouldn’t have batted an eyelid at being left with strangers. In the meantime, your partner was able to focus on his sister who would have been in a significant amount of pain. Think how much harder it would have been for him to manage that situation had he had a 6mo with him - feeding her, potentially changing a nappy, the extra hassle of the pushchair.
I was in the park years ago when a mum was bottle feeding a similar age baby whilst her toddler was on the climbing frame. The toddler fell off and landed awkwardly. As soon as she took the bottle out of the baby’s mouth, the baby started screaming so I offered to take the baby and finished giving it the bottle and then cuddled and played with it for half an hour or so whilst first aiders and then mum focussed on her toddler. I would be surprised if, when she got home and told her husband/partner about her day, concern would have been voiced that a random stranger had fed & looked after the baby.

Beakthrough · 26/01/2026 15:14

I'd have probably asked the friends to take the sister, and I can understand that you don't love the fact that you weren't part of the decision, bearing in mind it was a first, but I don't think he did anything awful if he trusts the people.

Butonlyjust · 26/01/2026 15:14

I would have been disturbed by my bay being left alone with people I didn’t know

BUT I would have understood

what is odd is that he didn’t send you a message asking you to come back

laurini · 26/01/2026 15:14

YANBU. I would have expected him to call me.

dairydebris · 26/01/2026 15:15

Surely the fact that the baby is fine means his judgement was correct?

Just ask next time that he call you immediately.

If I was your husband I'd find your reaction to this and your lack of compassion for his sister a little bit... offensive

FuzzyWolf · 26/01/2026 15:15

It was an emergency and he left her with people he trusted. He is an equal parent and able to make decisions about the care and wellbeing of his child.

What are you going to do when you child starts school and you don't know the teacher? Will you cause a scene and insist on socialising with them for a year or so beforehand to determine whether they can stay in the classroom or will you accept that sometimes other people can make a judgement call about who is trustworthy and who isn’t?