Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

But they weren't anyone they were good friends of the baby's father. The baby was fine. I think he should have phoned OP but apart from that I don't think he has done anything wrong

The whole point of being married is unfortunately you need to trust his judgement as he is also DD’s parent - he knew the people and had an emergency 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn’t overthink it really. Maybe not ideal but it was an unusual situation and he made the decision he thought was best at the time and nothing bad happened so I’d just let it go. Sometimes we make decisions under pressure we wouldn’t make another time.

Why did the OP need to go out with her friends? Why can’t she just stay at home?? Don’t be silly, @rainbowstardrops

Bizarre reaction, it was a proper emergency and he left your shared child with people he trusts because they're his friends.

YABU. Your other DD was badly injured so he left your 6mth old with people he knows. For a very short time and she was fine.

Women complain that their husbands don't step up but then treat them like children with no judgement when it comes to their own children. Keep on infantilising him like this and either cracks will appear or he'll disengage from all the caring responsibilities

Goodness you’re brave

This.

But the Dad has to make judgements too. Assuming he hasn't left her with his dealer it all sounds ok really.

The pain that his little sister must have been experiencing is horrific…I have had the same injury! It was an emergency and your husband had to make a quick decision .

Maybe he should have called to let you know but otherwise he did nothing wrong

Same for if you'd done the same

Personally I think it’s odd that he invited three friends round while he was parenting his own child for a few hours for the first time.
Why couldn’t he just spend time with his daughter/run the hoover round /prep dinner/iron etc?
Why did he feel the need to have three mates round? FOMO because you were ‘out’?
If he hadn’t had these friends round he could have just done what the rest of us would have done and taken her with him.
I personally wouldn’t like my baby being left with people I don’t really know but I wouldn’t like my husband having to have three mates round when he is supposed to be looking after his own child.
Any money he is one of these ‘parents’ who says he is ‘babysitting’ when it’s his own child??

He told you voluntarily

I hope you didn’t kick off at him (suspect you did) because he’ll just learn not worth the hassle being open with you

Taken the baby with him as he would’ve had to have done if his friends weren’t there.

Sounds to me like the man and woman that came over to see him were visiting him to see his new baby.

Rather than having mates around for a knees up)

But his friends were there, obviously didnt mind. I wouldnt want to take a 6mo baby to A&E when I didn't have to

Bottom line is, if you're going to leave your baby with anyone you have to trust them to make the right decisions in an emergency.

He might have done things differently to you, although you have considered the decison without the pressure of an emergency to deal with, but he took steps that kept baby safe and dealt with the situation at the time. He also did it without disrupting your afternoon.

I think he made the right call in the circumstances

I don't see the issue. He left his daughter with people he trusts while dealing with an emergency. Your child was likely safer at home with his friends than she would have been during a car journey with a stressed driver trying to get to hospital quickly.

I speak from experience. I broke my collarbone as a teen. My Mum drove me to hospital, the route to which involved a cattle grating. Driving over the grating really bloody hurt and I groaned (my Mum claims screamed). She promptly panicked and drove off the road, which really didn't help matters!

Did the friends have any experience of dealing with tiny babies?

Possibly just about OK if they did and big fat NO of they didn't.

I assume you also feel that OP can't have friends round when she is supposed to be looking after her own child?
And you would be totally ok with OP's DH telling her that?

Bit shocked at some of these responses. Does the idea that at six months, the baby’s major bond is with the mother mean that the mother should never leave the baby? Or is it OK for them to leave the baby with the baby’s father? How about a nursery or childminder?

My first two DC were with a CM and DH (their father) from about 4 months old as my mat leave was only 20 weeks (back in the day). They were fine.

OP I think in extremis, your DH made a decent decision. He knows his friends, there were three of them, presumably he briefed them and they were happy to babysit. Certainly to me it’s better to leave the baby in familiar surroundings with people the parent trusts than take them in the car to hospital A&E.

He could have called you but maybe didn’t want to worry you when you were enjoying some precious time for you. It’s OK to leave the baby even at this age (ignore those suggesting it’s not). It’s OK to have some time of your own, doing your stuff. Maybe discuss with DH that you would like a heads-up about any changes to the plan, next time.

It was an emergency and the fact that one of his friends is a female kind of makes it OK for me. Not ideal but he must have stressed out by his sister getting hurt. Tell him to call you next time @28loloie but be nice to him. It wasn't as he went out to the gym leaving your baby with friends.

And made his sister wait in agony while he packed the baby into the car, and then taken a 6 month old into A&E? Perhaps left the baby in the car?
BS. I think he made the right choice in a tough spot, and the baby is fine and nothing untoward happened... so he's vindicated.

This x