Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

[28loloie]

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

What has this got to do with the OP post?
FYI I always had friends coming round when my babies were little,for adult company etc. Daughter and SIL as well…it’s really not that unusual!

Are his friends paedophiles?

It was something you weren't expecting you are upset, that;s OK to be upset. But your DH did what I think I would have done. I would have left the 6 month old with my friends and gone to help my 11 yr old sister.

His mum probably rang in a panic 'little Gem has fallen off her bike and is in agony can you take us to the hospital'. It sounds like baby was going to need a bottle, possibly a nappy change, get a bag, etc. Time wise you are talking a few mins to grab the car keys and show friends where the baby things are. vrs 30 minutes to feed/ change/ load

As a mum, especially remembering how it felt to be a ftm to my pfb at 6 months, I completely understand where you are coming from. However, take a step back and think about it from DHs pov, he probably took a phone call from his distraught mother and was worried about his sister. DD was probably being cuddled or maybe napping with one of his friends (who he trusts). I can absolutely see why he made this decision.

I think it’s fair to say ‘DH I don’t feel comfortable with this, in future please don’t do it’ but I don’t think you should guilt-trip him for a decision made in the moment.

It's his daughter too, not just yours.

This is mad. Husband was looking after his own child. An emergency situation occurred where he would have had to think quick. He made a decision- a decision that worked well. Sister got to hospital safely, baby was safe at home (no indication that anything untoward happened and the chances that the OP’s husband had three child abusers visiting at the time this happened would be vanishingly small) and OP got to finish her brunch and wasn’t called home.

What exactly is the problem?

Sorry I feel like I should clarify.

These friends of DHs, none have children of their own, but they are all from a more family oriented culture so probably have experience with nieces, nephews, cousins etc.
DH has known them since he was a toddler, he and his mum moved to the uk after his dad died and then a few years later his friends moved to London. I have met them but not super often and I wouldn’t say I really know them.

All these people thinking he should ring op to come home.. good grief.

There wasnt though.

His baby had someone looking after them as did his sister. He was the lift.

No wrong doing at all

And you'd have been waiting hours.

YANBU Leaving a 6 month old with some friends is a big call. He could have called you to check what you think or taken DD with him.

There is a lot new parents learn about feeding, safe sleeping etc. You don't know these friends well. It was an emergency but checking in with you and having a one minute conversation would have led to an outcome you were both comfortable with.

So what on earth is your issue?

If you reversed this - ie my wife left the baby with her friends for a couple of hours, because she had to rush another child to A&E - nobody would batter an eyelid tbh.

But he does, the dad. The baby is his right? And the baby was fine when you got home?

No issue here at all OP

I don’t see an issue.
The baby is 6 months, not 6 weeks (that would be different).
Your DH’s sister must’ve been in agony so he had to move fast.
Your baby is fine so no harm done.
Assume you trust your DH and by extension his friends (and if not, there’s a bigger issue here).

Incredibly callous to the poor 11 year old, any moment longer than necessary waiting in agony.

They wouldn't. Its the same time and time again

Honestly I've not a clue. Sounds like he made a sensible decision and the OP still got to enjoy her afternoon. I genuinely can't see why this is such an issue.

My friends waited 4 hours for an ambulance when their child broke their leg playing football so it might not have really been an option if they could find another solution. Likely a massive wait at the hospital as well so best to get there quickly.

Personally I would have been taken aback - we never left our kids at that age so I think I would have expected my DH to call me so I could head home. Then he'd say 'but Eric and James are here' or whatever and I'd say 'that's fine, tell them I'll be back in 20 minutes' and then he'd go deal with the emergency and I'd head home in a taxi.

My husband and I have equal trust in each other and equal rights - but we do run things past each other. In this scenario I think it's fair enough to run the plan past the other parent as it's an unusual situation.

I think YABU, sounds like it was an emergency and he knows these people even if you don't

It was an emergency. Not ideal of course, but I wouldn't dwell. Sounds like they did your hubby a fav and he trusted them enough to leave your daughter with them. If you trust your husbands judgement, then surely ok?
Edited to add, sorry, he should've given you a quick call.

Honestly at 6 months I would have left my baby with my sister (who also had kids similar ages) or possibly one of my NCT friends who had known my child from
birth and also knew how to safely care for a child of that age- no one else.

But I was still breastfeeding at that age so the baby would have had to come with me anyway, especially since there’s no guarantee of how long one might be at A&E for (sounds like the DH was lucky to get back when he did).

Except its completely unnecessary and disruptive to do that to the baby, unless you really needed to do it. And he didnt need to do it because he arrnaged emergency childcare

This makes it even more mad that you’re upset w your DH.