To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

[carnivalqueenthethird]

My family (husband & 2 kids) and my sister and her fiancé go to our parents every weekend for a roast. It’s something we’ve always done so nothing new.

My kids are 4 and 4 months old.

My sister has a new puppy - very cute but obviously hyper. At some point she has agreed with my mum that she can bring the dog round with her every weekend and I’m not happy about it for a couple of reasons.

Firstly the dog albeit a puppy is not being trained so it’s a complete nightmare, shits and wee’s everywhere, no recall etc. I know it will take time but my sister and her fiancé don’t really have the time to train a dog (not sure why they got one in the first place, because their work patterns and lifestyle do not lend themselves to taking care of a dog), so this isn’t going to change any time soon, if at all.

Secondly the dog is constantly jumping up at everyone, playing but biting, its teeth are needle sharp and my 4 year old got bitten last week and it punctured his finger, he now doesn’t like the dog. I also can’t put my baby down on the floor at any point because I know the dog is going to jump all over him and potentially scratch/bite. We are there for a good 5/6 hours every time we go, so to hold a baby for that long is difficult.

I told my parents that we won’t be coming round every weekend if the dog is there. My sister has flown off the handle, which I’m used to, but is saying she can’t leave the dog alone as it’s too young. My mum has started guilt tripping me by saying I’m keeping her grandchildren away.

I have said, I’m not keeping the kids away maliciously, I’m happy to come round if the dog isn’t there, but im not prepared for my oldest to be scared in a house he should feel safe in, and for us to not be able to put the baby down on the floor to play all day. I have suggested if my sister can’t leave the dog, maybe she or her fiancé should be the one staying home.

The conversation hasn’t gone down well at all, totally blown out of proportion to be honest and now I’m starting to second guess myself on whether I am being unreasonable or not?

Thoughts?

sister is an irresponsible dog owner and a bad aunt

GPs are being unreasonable too

not a chance would I be willing to hang out with a puppy that was pooping, seeing, jumping up and biting and that’s before you even consider the risk to the children.

Firstly, I agree with everyone else and your family are all being totally unreasonable.you do seem to have a close family and I can see you value that. I’d say it were a good thing if only they hadn’t proved it’s maybe not entirely healthy with this weird attitude towards the dog vs the children. But anyway…

Could you (being the bigger person), forget Sundays and invite your parents to yours on Saturdays instead? Your sister obviously invited too as long as sans dog. It’s nice being cooked for but not worth all this stress and it shows you are willing to put in as much effort as it takes to allow grandparents to see the kids. Parents are then still free to host your sister on a Saturday and maybe once they’ve trained the dog (🤞)you could go solo and bring the kids next time if you are happy with its behaviour. I’d suggest a lighter (simpler!!) meal would be a good choice given your parents appetite for a roast the following day.

So funnily enough, we don’t go to my in laws very often because they have a massive dog! And also because they are always out and about somewhere whereas my parents like to stay at home one day at the weekend. In laws dog is very well trained in general, but way too big for their house and it’s very clumsy. Every time we go someone gets stood on by it, the dog is face height for my son which he hates and it spends a lot of the time trying to sniff my crotch. I sound like a dog hater now but I’m really not. I just like dogs that come up and say hello and then bugger off and do their own thing. Unfortunately neither of the dogs do that.

My dad tends to stay out of it unless it really kicks off. I think he’s spent too long living in a house with 3 fiesty women that he just goes with the flow unless he needs to step in. He is such a lovely man, he just wants everyone to be happy, but my mum definitely rules the roost.

I totally see your point it is very valid but i clicked YABU as surley your sister could bring a little puppy pen so it does not have free run ALL the time
or similarly could you bring a little play pen now and again? X

I said not unreasonable because you have offered numerous options and none of them had been seen as acceptable. Your sister is bullying your son for having emotions and noone is respecting your boundaries. My dog was so nibbly when little and yes those teeth are sharp. The dog needs training and for everyone to be safe in the meantime. And as for dragging a baby/ pulling a babygrow around that's just crazy. They sound very hard work to be seeing every weekend

Yes that is correct. The argument was ‘we only get the weekend with the dog, so you are expecting us to miss out on a day with her’. I said back ‘but you are expecting your nephews to miss out on seeing their entire family every week because of your dog’. Somehow I’m still the unreasonable one.

I’d say to mum for now we will see you separately and say to sis we could meet at park or go for a walk so dog can get use to kids and vice versa

I wouldn't have my children in a house with dogs full stop, let alone where one is allowed to piss and shit on the floor, and certainly not where the dog has bitten my child. If people choose to get a dog, they need to understand some people won't want to be around them. Your sister sounds awful.

Could something like this work?

They are a 10 minute drive away.

Oops, link didn’t work. I was thinking of one of those pet room dividers.

YANBU at all. I hate how people prioritise animals over human children. Your sister sounds awful OP, I'm so sorry your parents are going along with this BS it must really hurt.

@carnivalqueenthethird would something like this work to offer as a compromise? So a playpen for the puppy, not for the children?

Please note though, YANBU, I would be doing the same in your position and I've kept dogs for over 30years.

Last week the dog bit your child’s finger next time it could be their face!

not a chance would I put my children at risk.

my mils dog bit her and we didn’t visit for a few months until she decided she would muzzle it when we were there. I was not chancing it biting one of our children, so she either put a muzzle on it and put it in another room or we didn’t visit.

I don’t mind dogs but my children’s safety comes first.

your sister is being unreasonable as is your mum, if she wants to see her grandchildren then you either go when the dog isn’t there or she visits you. End of.

Why does your mother want her grandchildren bitten by a dog? How odd. Or does she think your children should go in a crate?!

I think your family are very unreasonable. If my dog had bitten a child and was pissing and pooping on the floor I wouldn't need to be told to keep it out of others homes whilst children are visiting. Absolutely bonkers.

I wondered what breed it was. A poodle cross really needs appropriate training. I know a few locally that are pretty neurotic, and it's almost certainly due to the way their owners treat them.

Unfortunately there's a short window for turning this puppy into the type of dog that you'll want to be around, and it doesn't sound like it's going to happen here. This may not be the usual "can be bite yang chews everything until the adult teeth appear" situation.

I think you need to focus on that idea that there are certain things you can control, certain things you can influence, and things that you can't influence, and have to let go of.

As you've said, you're responsible for your children's safety. You're not responsible for the dog's training. You have tried to influence your sister and your parents by explaining the situation. That's all you can do. They decide how to behave going forward and so do you.

If there's no consensus on how to keep your children safe then you do what's best for your new family. Your old family choose what they want to do. There will be consequences, but that's part of parenting and the sooner you get into that mindset and let your family see that your children are your priority, the easier it'll be in the future.

Also, a piece of advice that stuck with me regarding the early years and "is it okay, should I do xyz..." was - imagine having to explain it to a coroner. In this case it sounds like "well yes the dog had bitten before and no, they hadn't done anything to make me believe it wouldn't bite again but it was just a small bite, not badly injured, and my sister is the golden child and my parents have taught me to let her get her way."

You are definitely not being unreasonable. The situation sounds incredibly stressful and upsetting. I think you should stick to your guns.

The issue here is your mum and sister being joined at the hip . Ridiculous that you never have your mum to yourself

I don't know why you'd be second guessing protecting your children from the feral little thing.
Your unreasonable family can either see you at another time or resume visits when the animal is trained.
This might be what helps Ms Sensitive to get over herself. Pisstakers always get away with nonsense, because people are busy second guessing themselves and capitulating to all manner of nonsense.

Why should you tolerate this. What kind of people allow their dog to bite a child. Dont go anywhere that dog is. Could end cup with a worse injury. Beyond awful.

That's hilarious 😂

It does really hurt. My eldest loves going every week, when he gets home from school he is always asking how long until the weekend so we can go to Nanny and Grandads. He said to my dad earlier as we were leaving ‘ next week can we build a lego dinosaur grandad?’. I was just standing there looking my husband knowing we aren’t going to be going back for a while. It actually broke my heart a little bit.

Oh fuck the whole lot of them off, bunch of bloody dickheads. No one in their right mind would consider you to be in the wrong. It’s a shame your sister’s temper tantrums seem to be holding your parents somewhat to ransom but that’s their choice. I wouldn’t be upsetting my children and risking injury from a poorly trained dog just to hang out with a group of people who are all so terribly unreasonable and ridiculous.

So it seems your sister and parents are ok with your child being bitten and it getting infected?

Poor puppy aswell. It’s not going to have anyone to lead it and it will end up out of control and very sad.