To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

[carnivalqueenthethird]

My family (husband & 2 kids) and my sister and her fiancé go to our parents every weekend for a roast. It’s something we’ve always done so nothing new.

My kids are 4 and 4 months old.

My sister has a new puppy - very cute but obviously hyper. At some point she has agreed with my mum that she can bring the dog round with her every weekend and I’m not happy about it for a couple of reasons.

Firstly the dog albeit a puppy is not being trained so it’s a complete nightmare, shits and wee’s everywhere, no recall etc. I know it will take time but my sister and her fiancé don’t really have the time to train a dog (not sure why they got one in the first place, because their work patterns and lifestyle do not lend themselves to taking care of a dog), so this isn’t going to change any time soon, if at all.

Secondly the dog is constantly jumping up at everyone, playing but biting, its teeth are needle sharp and my 4 year old got bitten last week and it punctured his finger, he now doesn’t like the dog. I also can’t put my baby down on the floor at any point because I know the dog is going to jump all over him and potentially scratch/bite. We are there for a good 5/6 hours every time we go, so to hold a baby for that long is difficult.

I told my parents that we won’t be coming round every weekend if the dog is there. My sister has flown off the handle, which I’m used to, but is saying she can’t leave the dog alone as it’s too young. My mum has started guilt tripping me by saying I’m keeping her grandchildren away.

I have said, I’m not keeping the kids away maliciously, I’m happy to come round if the dog isn’t there, but im not prepared for my oldest to be scared in a house he should feel safe in, and for us to not be able to put the baby down on the floor to play all day. I have suggested if my sister can’t leave the dog, maybe she or her fiancé should be the one staying home.

The conversation hasn’t gone down well at all, totally blown out of proportion to be honest and now I’m starting to second guess myself on whether I am being unreasonable or not?

Thoughts?

I was thinking about you this morning OP, I'm still so angry on your behalf! I would aim to have one one to one conversation with each of your mum, sister and dad about this where you make your position crystal clear, and then leave them to decide what to do.

Maybe tell your sister that her imaginary "adorable" video of her dog dragging your baby around by its clothes is never, ever, ever going to happen. You will be keeping your kids away from her dog until it's trained or is physically separated from the kids in a crate or similar. It's up to her what she does about that, but you will not be compromising.

Have you got any actual stats or empirical data to back up this "very few adults" nonsense? Or is it based on "I don't and haven't specifically heard the 0.0001% of the world's population I interact with on a regular basis mention it so can assume I'm correct because it's physically impossible for anyone to live a slightly different life to me?"

Lots of different cultures live in 3 or even 4 generation homes, for example. Just because you don't see your parents more often (neither do I, before you think I'm personally offended) doesn't mean there's anything wrong with people who do.

Op has said several times that (other than this issue) she, her dh and her ds all love the Sunday routine, why should she change it just because some random on the Internet things being close with your family is "unhealthy"?

I disagree. It was a solution, and ideally only a temporary one, for her eldest to still have grandad time, despite lunacy from mum and sister. It may have helped put the message across. Families can do things apart at times.

It may not be anything the OP is willing to do though….

Similar situation in my family and a toddler ended up getting bitten in the face. They have a permanent scar. Dogs and toddlers don’t mix. You’ve got no choice but to put your children first.

Maybe you should start throwing hissy fits too. Why oh why are our lives run by the 'sensitive' manipulators. Put you foot down, not coming whilst the dog is there. End of - don't like it - tough.

This x

The four year old is very scared of the dog now though so unless the sister can agree to keep the dog well away from him (and I don't think she will as she won't restrain it) I can't see this working.

I would visit parents when the dog doesn't

A cockapoo is a mongrel not a designer dog 🤣🤣

What happened this Sunday @carnivalqueenthethird ? Did you manage to work out a compromise? Hope so!