To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

[carnivalqueenthethird]

My family (husband & 2 kids) and my sister and her fiancé go to our parents every weekend for a roast. It’s something we’ve always done so nothing new.

My kids are 4 and 4 months old.

My sister has a new puppy - very cute but obviously hyper. At some point she has agreed with my mum that she can bring the dog round with her every weekend and I’m not happy about it for a couple of reasons.

Firstly the dog albeit a puppy is not being trained so it’s a complete nightmare, shits and wee’s everywhere, no recall etc. I know it will take time but my sister and her fiancé don’t really have the time to train a dog (not sure why they got one in the first place, because their work patterns and lifestyle do not lend themselves to taking care of a dog), so this isn’t going to change any time soon, if at all.

Secondly the dog is constantly jumping up at everyone, playing but biting, its teeth are needle sharp and my 4 year old got bitten last week and it punctured his finger, he now doesn’t like the dog. I also can’t put my baby down on the floor at any point because I know the dog is going to jump all over him and potentially scratch/bite. We are there for a good 5/6 hours every time we go, so to hold a baby for that long is difficult.

I told my parents that we won’t be coming round every weekend if the dog is there. My sister has flown off the handle, which I’m used to, but is saying she can’t leave the dog alone as it’s too young. My mum has started guilt tripping me by saying I’m keeping her grandchildren away.

I have said, I’m not keeping the kids away maliciously, I’m happy to come round if the dog isn’t there, but im not prepared for my oldest to be scared in a house he should feel safe in, and for us to not be able to put the baby down on the floor to play all day. I have suggested if my sister can’t leave the dog, maybe she or her fiancé should be the one staying home.

The conversation hasn’t gone down well at all, totally blown out of proportion to be honest and now I’m starting to second guess myself on whether I am being unreasonable or not?

Thoughts?

It is ridiculous, I really want to take my mum to the Chelsea flower show for her birthday, but I know if I book the tickets a fight will ensue because sister wasn’t invited, so she’s getting a garden centre voucher instead!

All puppies have needle teeth at those and biting (and scratched bitten hands and clothing) commentary it. Your sister and partner are being utterly selfish to both you and their puppy. One of them should be staying at home (or both) until the puppy is adequately trained. I am older than you and speaking with a wealth of both puppy and baby rearing experience. Children come first. From what you've said, they sound like terrible puppy parents and I can predict a very unhappy dog going forward. Dogs need consistency and leadership-they are not baited and the worst dog owners are the ones who really only got their dog to 'cuddle'.

You are absolutely doing the right thing. We got our dog as a puppy when youngest was 2. They were never together unless puppy was on a lead or in her crate. When we were training puppy, dc were in another room. When dc needed to use the kitchen, puppy went back in her crate for a time out. They actually very rarely mixed indoors before she was about 2 years old, because she is a big working dog and needed to learn how to handle her energy and emotions around little people. That takes time and training.

Puppy needs to stay home. They don’t ever learn to feel comfortable on their own if they’re carted everywhere instead of being left to chill out in their own company. Never mind it’s not fair to the rest of you. We have never brought ours ever to anyone’s house.

I can’t believe they’re behaving this way after the puppy has actually bitten your DC. And you have a young baby, that’s tough. Like you say, you need to be able to put the bag down on a play mat or something. Honestly cat believe they are prioritising a dog over a human but that seems to be happening more and more!

Why does any of what you said makes op unreasonable? That's not up to op to decide there needs to be puppy space and children space. Ops only responsible for her own kids and its the sister and mum who need to make the home suitable for the kids. The kids come first, puppy second and I say this as someone who has a puppy, its my choice so if I need to be at home with the puppy and not at my mums because my sisters kids are there then my sisters kids come first or I make sure the dog isnt going near the kids and I take responsibility. Its not for op to sort this out. All op did is flag she can't be there if the dog is, which is true, she can't

Hi OP, this is absolutely ridiculous and I feel for you and your little ones. Your sister sound like a little pampered princess, enabled by your mum.
Making fun of your child after he was nipped by the dog is not very kind and if my sister had behaved like that towards my child I would be very annoyed. Also the comment she made about the dog and your baby- is she alright?!
I also understand that you are trying to keep the peace but ultimately, your children should come first. Your sister and mother are clearly prioritising the dog, their choice but it is at the expense of your children. Also, you aren’t really enjoying the visit if you have to be on high alert.
Dont bother having a back and forth with mum or Dsis as they will just deny your concerns.
make it clear that they can come to yours and re enforce that( sans dog) but don’t bother trying to make them see you POV.

wishing you luck.

Ps: I’m still slightly worried/anxious around dogs because as a child, they were imposed on me even when I made it clear I wasn’t comfortable.
dogs are lovely but I have an irrational fear and wish things were different for me and I could just relax around them. Takes me a while to warm up to some dogs and some breeds are no no- I literally cross the pavement if I see one.

I can see it going this way, but it will be my parents that end up with the dog or they will be going to their house every day to let it out or looking after it at home for them to pick up after work. I can just see it now! Will be another interesting conversation when I go back to work as my mum wants to look after baby for us one day a week, but obviously she won’t be doing that if the dog is there!

edited to add - not sure if she can’t have children as they haven’t ever tried. She would make a fantastic mum though. She is an amazing aunt in general, just not when it comes to this dog.

I like most dogs (had several growing up) and I’m both sad and angry my child is terrified of them, due to different dogs jumping up at her when she was a toddler. People who don’t even try to train their dogs or think how it impacts other people, really piss me off.

Of course you can’t have this dog around your children if they not responsible owners.

Yes my husband loves my dad. They tend to go off together and potter about/watch some sport in my dad’s shed away from everyone. He has been with us in the house the last few weeks since the puppy arrived though as he has been helping me keep the dog away. You are right though, I never really thought about a 1 day weekend before! Puppy doesn’t have a crate and they won’t get one.

Your sister refuses to accept the alternating pattern / refuses to use a crate / is angry that she can’t see your children.

Your mum is refusing to accept alternative weekends.

Yet you are the one who’s supposed to just accept your baby being unable to play on the floor, relax yourself and your toddler feeling scared and at risk of being bitten again. It’s a massive chunk of your weekend too, if it was an hour quick meet then not so bad, but all that time, every weekend!

I’d be asking why do you and your children have to make all the compromises in this situation and everyone else get exactly what they want, to spare their own feelings?

I’d also be asking your mum if she cares so deeply for her grandchildren (and it sounds like she does, and enjoys the time with them) wants them to feel uncomfortable, at risk and be unable to play (especially the baby who won’t even be able to lay on the floor?!) to appease a grown adult. I know kids need to learn to be around dogs but not untrained, bitey puppies so I do feel in this instance the general needs of the kids should be a priority (I’m not usually one for entering everything around the kids and their preferences!)

Great idea on suggesting alternatives, you’re not causing problems, you are solving them. You’re clearly level headed knowing neither of you are being unreasonable.

Reminds me of the time my my expected me to bring my toddler aged children to a family gathering when the both had upset tummies, because the lovely oldies of the family wanted to see them. Not a single thought for the kids!

I think I'd have a break from them all for a while.

Every Sunday sounds so restrictive to me!

Can't believe some of these responses. Just goes to show how utterly batshit the country has become when it comes to fur babies.

OP isn't being remotely unreasonable.

The dog bit a child and caused a puncture wound. The sister is lucky OP didn't involve the police.

It’s a cockerpoo

YANBU at all and I have dogs.
I think you should throw your own hissy fit about the unfairness of it all and stop visiting. Your sister sounds a nightmare I’d go n/c tbh.

"...She said today she can’t wait for the puppy to pull my babies sleepsuit and try to drag him along the floor..."

Is there something wrong with your sister?

That's weird...

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I'm surprised your mum is putting the dog before her grandchildren and hasn't asked your sister to deal with this! The toilet situation is unhygienic for everyone but especially your baby who will be crawling at some point and this dog is potentially a danger to both of your children. Really surprised they don't all see that. I'd be staying well away too.

They seem to think you should just tolerate it which is unfair. Stand your ground.

Crate or pen the puppy.

I suppose if the 4 year old bit the puppy and drew blood she well might.

Here in the land of normal ....

I think there’s a similar scene in lady and the tramp the original version, one of the pups pulls the baby’s baby gro…. It may not be that one but I’ve definitely seen in it a Disney type film which shows how mature the OP’s sister is, life is not a Disney film 🥴

Could you go over to see them in the morning and leave before lunch?

Can the puppy go to the shed with the men?

Every weekend?

This

If a dog bit my child I’d call animal control or whatever it’s called and yeah get it put down if I could