To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

[carnivalqueenthethird]

My family (husband & 2 kids) and my sister and her fiancé go to our parents every weekend for a roast. It’s something we’ve always done so nothing new.

My kids are 4 and 4 months old.

My sister has a new puppy - very cute but obviously hyper. At some point she has agreed with my mum that she can bring the dog round with her every weekend and I’m not happy about it for a couple of reasons.

Firstly the dog albeit a puppy is not being trained so it’s a complete nightmare, shits and wee’s everywhere, no recall etc. I know it will take time but my sister and her fiancé don’t really have the time to train a dog (not sure why they got one in the first place, because their work patterns and lifestyle do not lend themselves to taking care of a dog), so this isn’t going to change any time soon, if at all.

Secondly the dog is constantly jumping up at everyone, playing but biting, its teeth are needle sharp and my 4 year old got bitten last week and it punctured his finger, he now doesn’t like the dog. I also can’t put my baby down on the floor at any point because I know the dog is going to jump all over him and potentially scratch/bite. We are there for a good 5/6 hours every time we go, so to hold a baby for that long is difficult.

I told my parents that we won’t be coming round every weekend if the dog is there. My sister has flown off the handle, which I’m used to, but is saying she can’t leave the dog alone as it’s too young. My mum has started guilt tripping me by saying I’m keeping her grandchildren away.

I have said, I’m not keeping the kids away maliciously, I’m happy to come round if the dog isn’t there, but im not prepared for my oldest to be scared in a house he should feel safe in, and for us to not be able to put the baby down on the floor to play all day. I have suggested if my sister can’t leave the dog, maybe she or her fiancé should be the one staying home.

The conversation hasn’t gone down well at all, totally blown out of proportion to be honest and now I’m starting to second guess myself on whether I am being unreasonable or not?

Thoughts?

Then don't go or alternate weekends or someone does Saturday and the other Sunday.

You’ll just have to visit your parents at different times until such a time as the puppy is trained or the kids are older.

Of course YANBU

Your sis needs to get busy training her pup.
Until then, you obviously can't have your child being bitten.

I think you are both being unreasonable.

Puppies can’t be left alone but also shouldn’t have the run of the house all that time. They also need down time and rest like a human baby.

There should be separate spaces for puppy and children. They don’t need to be in the same room all day.

If that’s not possible then you alternate who goes each weekend.

I think you’ll need to go alternate weekends / different days for a while, or perhaps sometimes your sister leaves the dog with her husband at home. Or your parents come to your house sometime and your sister doesn’t come.

Also agree that an option would be to find a way to keep the dog and the children separate. Eg put the puppy in a playpen or in a different room.

Not your house; not your rules!

My most recent dog was a land shark when very young. He’s now 7 months and doesn’t bite anymore as he’s got all his adult teeth. I would never had been comfortable having him around kids when he was at his worst though. It would be much better for everyone to wait until the puppy has calmed down a bit. It would be a shame if your son developed a phobia.

I say this as a dog owner and someone who likes dogs more than people - your sister is setting that poor puppy up to fail if she's not correcting behaviour like this. It's one of the first things you do - toilet train, and stop them from jumping up. Learning how to behave in another home is a huge lesson for a puppy.

I would totally refuse to be there at the same time at her until she takes responsibility for the dog she's taken on.

Crate train the dog. Walk it on arrival (could go somewhere together - kids in park, sister walk dog). When at parents, dog goes in crate allowing baby to play.

This was one of my suggestions but it went down like a lead balloon. Both my mum and sister think I am singling out my sister by making it so she can’t come every week and/or as a result she doesn’t get to see her nephews. My parents are used to seeing my kids every single week, I know my dad in particular looks forwards to it so much as he adores them. They would be really gutted if that changed to every other week which I understand but they are both effectively choosing the dog over the kids by being so stubborn about the dog going.

You’re both unreasonable. She can’t leave her puppy alone any more than you can leave your kids. You’ll just have to visit at different times until the dog is trained/ old enough to stay home for a couple of hours

Your sister could get a puppy pen ( or kids play pen, it's the same thing!), and keep it in there when not supervising it. That would give you peace of mind.

I think you're overreacting a little (only a little though). I'd not stop going but would absolutely keep my children in a puppy free room/bring a big playpen. They should bring a crate for the puppy at the very least.

She won’t. My mum won’t have a cage at her house and my sister doesn’t use one anyway. I did suggest this to them. My sister thinks the dog is a baby and doesnt think it should be separated from everyone.

Your mother is being unreasonable! It is nonsense to say you are keeping the grandchildren away. She can see them at other times presumably?

Agree your DS is not doing the right thing by the dog. An untrained puppy may be seen as sweet (by some😬); an untrained dog is universally unpopular. Plus, who on earth takes their dog to someone else’s house if it is not toilet trained?

I’m not asking her to leave the dog alone, I asked for her or her fiancé to stay home with it until it’s trained, which they are refusing to do. They take the dog everywhere.

Could your sister and her partner arrive a bit earlier than you and your family on the day you’re visiting, and then partner take the puppy home with them? That way, your sister could stay a while longer with you and the kids.

Its a puppy. Give them time to train it and be encouraging about it. I hope the dog is a joy for them!

Has sister thought about putting puppy in a kennel?

Totally agree, but when I tell them we won’t be coming if the dog is there, they also shouldn’t fly off the handle.

How much can a puppy possibly pee or poop? What if your sister refuses to visit if you bring your now 4 month old, when it is going through the terrible two’s in a year and a half? Surely dialogue, not ultimatums, is the way to handle this? Coming to a compromise (a big kennel at your parents place for the pup perhaps?) is far kinder than refusal.

Why can’t the dog be put in a different room?

My parents house is all open plan, so the only separate room on the ground floor is the toilet. I don’t see why I should have to bring a playpen for my children and give the dog the run of the house. My sister won’t use a cage and my mum won’t have one in the house.

The puppy bit her child

TBH I’d be wary of going anywhere with small children where’s there’s a dog. A ramble with a little dog on a leash, maybe, but never indoors with any dog. I couldn’t give a shit what the dog lovers say. All, literally all, dogs are a danger to small children.