To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

[carnivalqueenthethird]

My family (husband & 2 kids) and my sister and her fiancé go to our parents every weekend for a roast. It’s something we’ve always done so nothing new.

My kids are 4 and 4 months old.

My sister has a new puppy - very cute but obviously hyper. At some point she has agreed with my mum that she can bring the dog round with her every weekend and I’m not happy about it for a couple of reasons.

Firstly the dog albeit a puppy is not being trained so it’s a complete nightmare, shits and wee’s everywhere, no recall etc. I know it will take time but my sister and her fiancé don’t really have the time to train a dog (not sure why they got one in the first place, because their work patterns and lifestyle do not lend themselves to taking care of a dog), so this isn’t going to change any time soon, if at all.

Secondly the dog is constantly jumping up at everyone, playing but biting, its teeth are needle sharp and my 4 year old got bitten last week and it punctured his finger, he now doesn’t like the dog. I also can’t put my baby down on the floor at any point because I know the dog is going to jump all over him and potentially scratch/bite. We are there for a good 5/6 hours every time we go, so to hold a baby for that long is difficult.

I told my parents that we won’t be coming round every weekend if the dog is there. My sister has flown off the handle, which I’m used to, but is saying she can’t leave the dog alone as it’s too young. My mum has started guilt tripping me by saying I’m keeping her grandchildren away.

I have said, I’m not keeping the kids away maliciously, I’m happy to come round if the dog isn’t there, but im not prepared for my oldest to be scared in a house he should feel safe in, and for us to not be able to put the baby down on the floor to play all day. I have suggested if my sister can’t leave the dog, maybe she or her fiancé should be the one staying home.

The conversation hasn’t gone down well at all, totally blown out of proportion to be honest and now I’m starting to second guess myself on whether I am being unreasonable or not?

Thoughts?

This seems that the family dynamic is that your Mum is more worried about upsetting your sister than you. Because your sister is clearly the dramatic one.

Does your Mum seriously expect you to bring your children around a dog that has already drawn blood in one of your children.

You are very lucky to have parents who will cook you a roast every weekend.why can’t you cook the roast every other weekend and have your parents to dinner instead.

With everything that’s been disclosed so far about the people involved and the dog I’d say NO NO NO. Your children are being put in a risky situation by people who should be protecting them. The dog lovers on here are making suggestions which inconvenience you and your children at best and at worse put your children at risk of serious life altering injuries and lifetime trauma. Just don’t go if the dogs there and don’t leave your children alone with any of them. I’d like to exit this thread but my blood is boiling with some of the advice being given to OP. it’s a dog and it doesn't merit anything like the consideration your children do. I don’t think you will ever be able to trust any member of your family with your children.

Time to spell it out clearly.
You gave your sister and her dog the benefit of the doubt and the result was your child was bitten. They have all minimised it and selfishly put their wants ahead of the health and safety of your children, their nephews and grandchildren.
As a responsible parent you are taking action to protect your children. They can't accept it, tough. Your children are your priority and should be theirs, especially the grandparents.
They have shown you who they are, don't ignore it. The priority is the pampered and spoilt daughter. The rest of you come a very distant second.

Do people even read anymore?

Sister refuses to control the dog.

The 4 year old isn't approaching the dog. The dog is jumping on him. And biting him. And drawing blood.

The sister and her fiance have zero intention of training the dog.

Maybe the OP's children aren't more important than a dog but OP can also decide to keep her children safe. That isn't emotional blackmail. It is basic parenting.

Missed the part about the leash, yeah?

Also yes children need to learn how to act around all animals be it the family pet or wildlife. Otherwise you end up with idiot adults that don’t know that animals bite, get scared, aren’t Disney critters that will prepare 6 course meals.

Did you miss the part where OP said that her parents had a dog that died 2 years ago?

Our family dog who died 2 years ago was the kindest , most well behaved dog I have ever met, never hurt a thing and used to come and say hello and bugger off to her bed. My mum was very on top of the dog never going near my oldest when he was a baby and used to keep her separate, so I have no idea why all of a sudden this out of control puppy is different.

I have read through the OP’s posts and most (but not all) of the other posts.

The thing is, an adult untrained dog is not cute - it’s just a pain in the arse. I can never understand why people with untrained dogs aren’t more embarrassed by them.

When a child gets badly attacked by a dog, it isn’t the case that the dog or owner have devil horns. They are usually a family member who thinks their untrained dog is “cute” or “harmless”.

Even it it was, if the "cousin" was a kid biting and shitting on the floor, I wouldn't want my kid associating with them...

I'd definitely fight this battle now as otherwise it's going to be one in the future, when she has DC and your parents are picking up all the heavy lifting.

The OP isn't saying she's more important than her sister.

She simply doesn't agree with your bizarre view that in the eyes of the grandparents the sister's dog should be equally important as the OP's two kids.

It's a fucking dog, not a human being.

And it isn't part of anyone's "family"

Missed nothing as I have read the whole thread. Sister can’t be trusted and has demonstrated this clearly so won’t use leash properly even if willing to try which from her reaction to other suggestions and compromises it appears she isn’t. The children have not been given the chance to act properly round animals as the dog is very badly behaved, won’t stay away from them, hasn’t been kept away from them and has bitten one of them. She is teaching her children that sometimes your only option is sometimes to stay away from the animal. You don’t have to share a living place with an animal to know how dangerous they can be.

Did you miss where my original comment was about 200 posts before that one from the OP and I was replying to a quote?

and I don’t know where to start with the hygiene 🤢

This. I couldn't let my child crawl around and play on a floor where a dog parks its bum and poos and pees.

We already had a dog when dd had dgs. Dog wasn't allowed near dgs, not a problem as she wasn't interested, is well trained and just took herself off elsewhere whilst he was here. He was five before he asked if he could stroke the dog. She greets his arrival now, he strokes her gives her the odd treat. When she's had enough she takes herself off to snooze and grandson knows he isn't to disturb her. I would have used gates and a pen had I needed to to keep grandson safe and happy.

Your sister is an arse. She should be exposing her dog to different environments in a controlled way, (on a leash, separated by a pen, shorter visits) whilst she works on toilet training, distraction techniques and impulse control. What she's doing right now isn't exposure or socialisation, and the poor puppy knows no better.

In your shoes I'd say if they wont consider a pen, keeping on a leash or actively staying so on top of the puppy that they are ensuring your kids aren't impacted then you'll leave the next few visits and reassess after Easter.

She might feel the same about your kids?

Then presumably she's welcome to stay at home and OP will not kick up a fuss.

It would be better to get the dog barred rather than having to avoid going

Quite. I've lived in the same house for over 30 years and never had a dog over the doorstep. Doesn't matter whose dog it is, it's not coming in.

yikes - there is no way your child should be in ap piston where they are bitten.

did they have to get medical care?

It's reasonable with your young children to say that they're scared and you can't relax while the dog's there so you can visit alternate weekends or whenever your sister can leave the dog at home until he's trained.

My stepdaughter was scared of my mum's dog when she was a toddler but we'd still visit and the dog (who was lovely and well trained) was kept in the utility room and garden while we were over for Sunday roast. I didn't have to ask, my mum just recognised that she was uncomfortable and made sure that both the dog and the child were able to feel happy and safe in the house.

My siblings and I all have dogs now and through the years, depending on how many children and how many dogs are over at my mum's sometimes our (now very old) dog will come with us and we'll stay longer, go on a big walk after the roast etc or sometimes we'll leave him at home for a few hours and everything's fine.

It's a nice idea for a dog to be in the house with everyone but your sister's particular dog isn't ready for that.

I would not bother with a crate, not that it is viable anyway. My experience of people who put dogs elsewhere in the house because someone else needs them to be separated is that it doesn’t last long. Invariably, they let them out at some point

So true. Keeping their dog away from people is not as important to the owner as it is to the person who would rather not interact with a dog.

Is it the one shown in the previous quote?

Also what makes you think that OP’s sister is going to accept a leash if she won’t accept any other suggestions? Really think the sister is going to control her dog if it’s on a leash?

Oh dear god!
I have kids, and dogs.
But never had puppies and toddlers. It is an absolute certainty that the dogs will harm the children.
Not just possible biting but
Snack snatching
Running through them rather than around them for a trigger .eg doorbell
Over them on the floor
Past them on the stairs.
Licking food off them and passing on germs....its just endless.

You are being pushed because I suspect you are the one who has always given ground before, but you can't now. You can't and its not a "want" . Its a can't.

They are asking you to care less about the safety of your children than they do about having family time just the same as they used to.
Than they do about having a pet they don't have time to care for properly.
Than they even do about having to store a crate for the rest of the week somewhere.

Wow. Cupboard space v child safety.

I don't know what to say.

If your sister thinks the puppy is a baby [as in like a human child] she has bigger issues to deal as well as training a dog.

Because the sister is the one saying she wants to see the kids. Therefore OP now has leverage. If the sister doesn’t agree to the leash then the OP can make the decision to not go.

After going back and skimming the OP’s comments, she did think that approach would might work 🤷‍♀️ Not sure why it’s controversial when I suggest it but reasonable when someone else does.

Your mum is enabling your sister.

Your Son should invite Grandpa, and JUST Grandpa, around to your home on Sunday for a Men-Only Lego Building Lunch.
No Dogs - they might get hurt ruining eating the Lego.