To be really upset about how DH just spoke to me??

[Chimney1]

The backstory sounds a bit weird, but anyway!!

I got rid of our back doormat about 6 months ago. There isn’t really space for one by the door as it interferes with being able to push the stools out at our breakfast bar. The backdoor isn’t used much in winter anyway, and in summer, I’ll just deal with cleaning the area.

DH is upset about this as thinks we need the mat. Today, he was outside and came in the backdoor and stepped in something (fox poo we think) and walked it inside. DD noticed and I said “yuck” or something. I wasn’t saying that to him, just at the situation, if that makes sense.

DH went on a tirade about this is why we need a door mat. I explained that the doormat I got rid of would have been worse (jute material), as it would have been awful to clean. He was insistent that that’s what doormats are for and was really acting in a way I didn’t like. He said everyone on this planet would agree with him. I sort of laughed to try and keep it a jovial disagreement, to try to defuse things, and said that I didn’t agree. He then said “you’re such an idiot at times!!!!”

DH has never said something like this to me before. We have been married for 12 years. Although I didn’t really like how he was speaking to me last weekend either, just more forceful than usual with his point of view.

Im really upset. I don’t think I deserved that comment. Although DD had left the room, she may have still been in earshot. I said to DH “that’s a horrible way to speak to me. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” He said something back, which I now can’t remember. AIBU?

Everyone's an idiot sometimes 🤷‍♂️

Get an outside doormat.

The type you wipe muddy boots on.

The kids were having trouble with the stools due to the mat. They were sliding there stools in by leaning forward onto the two front legs and pulling forward. (Hard to describe - sorry!) It was only a matter of time before one of them was going to fall forwards and hurt themselves.

I can't picture how you have enough clearance between the back door and breakfast bar for the door to open but not enough floorspace for a door mat.

I also don't quite get how or why only your opinion and wants counts.

But granted, he probably shouldn't have said you're an idiot.

Me and dp must be thick skinned as we regularity call each other that. I got called it when I carried a leaking bin bag through to the front door... he got called it when he forgot to close the bedroom door and the dogs got in after their walk and our duvet cover has a pawprint pattern now.

Its not worth sulking about.

Buy an outside doormat so it doesn't get in the way, and you can still wipe muddy feet.

Outside mat then.

Theres not really space. There is a very tiny bit of gravel round the house. No slabs, then just grass.

It wasn’t said to me in jest. It was said with aggression.

The door can open when the stools are pushed in. It’s a very tight space.

And it not about my wants. It’s about trying to prevent one of the kids smacking their face off the breakfast bar when trying to manoeuvre their chair.

Add more gravel.

Or stick a patio slab down for the doormat to sit on.

Honestly, there are solutions here.

I may have misunderstood but it sounds to me that he deliberately walked the fox poo in in order to get at you again about the mat.
Is that right? If it is, I totally get why you're upset, @Chimney1 . It's not pleasant and it's aggressive and he set you up because he's already angry with you.

Switch the seating arrangements so the kids' seats aren't directly by the door. The adults can sit there and push their chairs in properly without the mat causing danger.

The thing is, it’s been such a non issue for these whole 6 months. Only one issue in all that time (today). We are renting, so don’t want to invest in this house.

Get one of the grippy mats that takes the dirt off your shoes and have a place for shoes by the door. Wearing shoes inside is dirty.

Theres no alternative space. This area needs to be used by the kids. They use it for all sorts (homework for instance, when our small dining table is used for me to work from home. We don’t have a lot. And I don’t think this is about the mat.

Oh come on. He lost his temper and called you an idiot once, in 12 years. It’s not like he called you a cunt or something, is it?

In an ideal world, obviously nobody would call each other idiots but we’ve all been intensely exasperated at times. If he talked to you like this 24/7 of course it would be awful but once? During a row? And such an incredibly mild term as ‘idiot’? You’re making a fuss about nothing and I think you need to be less of a wimp.

It's hardly and investment is it? 😳

If that’s the worst thing either of you has ever said to each other, I’m very impressed.

When you don’t have much, it is. Nevermind.

Get a doormat. No need for a drama. 🙄

I got rid of our back doormat
DH is upset about this

Had he tried getting a hobby?

Whether you should have an indoor mat or not:

• you can't wipe fox poo on an indoor non-washable mat, it would absolutely stink and it's not very hygienic
• you shouldn't be called an idiot for having a different opinion

Id be wanting to nip this in the bud as once disrespectful behaviour sets in it can become a habit. I'd be sitting down with him and asking him what's going on, as he has spoken to you in a way that was not very respectful and you don't think you (or anyone) deserve to be spoken to in that tone of voice (I think what he said might have been OK if it was said in a jokey tone after you'd done or said something silly). Ask him if he would ever speak to someone at work like that and if not, why does he think it's acceptable to speak to you in that way

Read the OP's posts at least before making pointless comments.

Yabu - you need an outside mat

Buy a bigger house with a slightly longer hallway so you have room for a door mat?