To be really upset about how DH just spoke to me??

[Chimney1]

The backstory sounds a bit weird, but anyway!!

I got rid of our back doormat about 6 months ago. There isn’t really space for one by the door as it interferes with being able to push the stools out at our breakfast bar. The backdoor isn’t used much in winter anyway, and in summer, I’ll just deal with cleaning the area.

DH is upset about this as thinks we need the mat. Today, he was outside and came in the backdoor and stepped in something (fox poo we think) and walked it inside. DD noticed and I said “yuck” or something. I wasn’t saying that to him, just at the situation, if that makes sense.

DH went on a tirade about this is why we need a door mat. I explained that the doormat I got rid of would have been worse (jute material), as it would have been awful to clean. He was insistent that that’s what doormats are for and was really acting in a way I didn’t like. He said everyone on this planet would agree with him. I sort of laughed to try and keep it a jovial disagreement, to try to defuse things, and said that I didn’t agree. He then said “you’re such an idiot at times!!!!”

DH has never said something like this to me before. We have been married for 12 years. Although I didn’t really like how he was speaking to me last weekend either, just more forceful than usual with his point of view.

Im really upset. I don’t think I deserved that comment. Although DD had left the room, she may have still been in earshot. I said to DH “that’s a horrible way to speak to me. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” He said something back, which I now can’t remember. AIBU?

Well if you'd rather risk the kids face planting the counter than a grown man simply removing his shoes at the door, that's your choice I suppose. Frankly I'd rather get the adult to remove their shoes than children hurting themselves & potentially causing a lifetime of dental problems.

Or they could get an outdoor mat, or one that’s thin enough to go under the stools as suggested. It doesn’t need to be dramatic

YANBU. Its a shock to be spoken to in a way you're not usually. And over something where you're trying to make something practical and everyday a little bit easier. Something that you clearly have more insight to than he does. People on here are so fucking weird at times. YANBU to be shocked.

We have the same set up. I agree it would have been way worse with the mat and I would be fuming if DH spoke to me like that. Clearly there's something going on here if you noticed his behaviour towards you last weekend too.

This!

Nobody yet has managed to wangle in the miraculous mumsnet chicken though

Nobody yet has managed to wangle in the miraculous mumsnet chicken though

Hopefully the fox didn't get it.

He wants YOU as a doormat by the sound of it - your life doesn't have to be miserable. You have choices 👍

Eh?

How does the OP throwing away the doormat her husband wanted, mean he wants her as a doormat?

Makes no sense 😳

His disrespectful way of talking to her. I'm going by what the OP has written. It's my interpretation of it. I may be wrong. It's just an opinion, and I don't know them 🤷

I'm surprised people are focusing on the (lack of) doormat

I wouldn't take kindly to anyone calling me an idiot

OP, only you know if this is a flippant comment due to irritation or a real lack of respect

Where do you put someone laughing at your feelings or opinions? Was that a calm level headed way of dealing it?

Oh OP I dont know why some people have to be mean. If he doesn’t usually talk to you like that a you don’t speak to him like that then of course it’s not okay. I think most of us are maybe are a bit envious that your marriage sounds lovely up until this 😂 most of us have men that are constantly talking to us like we’re morons. He was probably a bit embarrassed that he trod poo in and you said yuck which made him feel worse. I agree that a mat isn’t helpful for poo is it? It would reek and need binning anyway. He really ought to have checked his shoes after being outside. I can count on zero hands how many times I’ve trod in poo because I’m careful. My OH stands in it all the time which proves to me that the actual idiots are them! Easier to just clean a hard floor.

I would extend the desire to not go back to normal with him until he apologised. If he wants a mat let him get one and he can clean the poo off it when he treads it in again.

Placetobreathe
"I'm really sorry he is talking to you in this way. You say this isn't the first tome. Perhaps its time for a discussion about what is going on in your marriage"

She actually says it is the first time

"DH has never said something like this to me before. We have been married for 12 years. "

Did you miss that she laughed at him?

We're all idiots sometimes.

And I think on this occasion they both were.

Would buying nappies for your foxes be an option?

The doormat situation is kind of irrelevant IMO - I don't think it's ever okay to call the person you care about a name that doesn't fit within the usual boundaries of your relationship, and certainly not in anger or frustration. My hubby and I would never call each other an idiot either, and if mine suddenly did, I'd also be shocked! Every couple has its own limitations, and only the two of you know when someone oversteps outside your norm.

He's annoyed you threw out door mat and didn't replace it. He explained why he wanted it. You laughed it off. He got more annoyed

Its a total none argument

I agree with the OP, I wouldn't get an outdoor mat to go on the grass, it'll just be a sodden mess in no time. (I would buy some paving slabs to put a mat on though).

Those skinny mats inside a door are pointless, people step through a door way & would just step over it, they're designed for steps.

any mat under the stools are going to be problematic for the children. It's an accident waiting to happen.

why are you SO against the adult male simply removing his shoes as he steps inside?

Yes, but even a thin mat is going to imperfectly the children sliding the stools in & out safely.

why can't their Dad, who is supposed to love & care about them not just remove
his shoes on the rare occasion he's plodding around the garden in winter?

You'd want a doormat that was causing your children difficulty using the stools safely, when not using the stools isn't an option?!

why can't dickhead just remove his shoes when he comes in from the 'rarely used in winter' back garden?

They can just sit on a mat or in front of the mat when they're not being used, but stools need to be moved to get on them, use them, then get off again. Stools on mats are not practical.

Think we should start a gofundme for a paving slab/mat (outside of course) for OP 😂

You can get a heavy duty jute mat with rubber backing that would easily sit across gravel and grass. That would allow folk to wipe their shoes outside and take them
off if need be. The mat stays outside and can be hosed down if need be.

Every external door to my house has a mat inside and out, shoes removed standing on the inside mat.

He shouldn’t have called you an idiot but my goodness what a fuss over something that would make life easier for him and for you given someone now needs to clean a shitty floor.

I would want a doormat yes, as i said, and id find a solution be that inside, outside or finding a thinner mat. I havent seen the house obviously. What i definitely wouldnt want is someone who thinks its ok to call someone a dickhead for having a different opinion, you sound like a charmer! 🤨