To be really upset about how DH just spoke to me??

[Chimney1]

The backstory sounds a bit weird, but anyway!!

I got rid of our back doormat about 6 months ago. There isn’t really space for one by the door as it interferes with being able to push the stools out at our breakfast bar. The backdoor isn’t used much in winter anyway, and in summer, I’ll just deal with cleaning the area.

DH is upset about this as thinks we need the mat. Today, he was outside and came in the backdoor and stepped in something (fox poo we think) and walked it inside. DD noticed and I said “yuck” or something. I wasn’t saying that to him, just at the situation, if that makes sense.

DH went on a tirade about this is why we need a door mat. I explained that the doormat I got rid of would have been worse (jute material), as it would have been awful to clean. He was insistent that that’s what doormats are for and was really acting in a way I didn’t like. He said everyone on this planet would agree with him. I sort of laughed to try and keep it a jovial disagreement, to try to defuse things, and said that I didn’t agree. He then said “you’re such an idiot at times!!!!”

DH has never said something like this to me before. We have been married for 12 years. Although I didn’t really like how he was speaking to me last weekend either, just more forceful than usual with his point of view.

Im really upset. I don’t think I deserved that comment. Although DD had left the room, she may have still been in earshot. I said to DH “that’s a horrible way to speak to me. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” He said something back, which I now can’t remember. AIBU?

OP I don’t understand how there isn’t room for an outdoor mat.
You literally just need a doorstep amount to put it on.

It does come across like it’s your way and you won’t have it any other way.

It sounds like you both might be sniping at each other more recently - is there a reason for this? Are you both on annual leave at the same time or something?

I'd just ask that everyone checks their shoes before they come into the house, and if they are dirty take them off and step into house in your socks. That's what I do because we have rural poo/mud type hazards, and if I put a door mat down the dog growls at it and tries to drag it down the hall way because for some reason he's doormat averse.

That's pretty mild in my view...

I think this is a petty silly argument and I’m unsure why it’s thread worthy to be honest. He’s right a mat is a good idea, and one you can clean. Otherwise you just walk dirt into the house.

This is such a minor thing.

It’s not a good idea to have a door to the outside without a mat nearby. If it can’t be right in the entry, then put it as close as you can. I’m sure there is a bit of space right outside as pp have suggested or off to one side as you come in that won’t interfere with the bar stools.

Someone tracking in something unpleasant was inevitable.

You laughed in response to him saying the house needs a door mat and everyone on the planet would agree with him.

He isn’t going to know your intent was jovial and to defuse. Usually when a couple is bickering, and one laughs in response to what the other has said, it’s seen as laughing at the other person.

So I am sure his “you’re such an idiot at times” was because your jovial laugh wasn’t a jest to him, so he replied as one would when being laughed at - with a bit of anger and frustration.

I hope you didn’t throw away the landlord’s door mat?

The poster you quoted was saying it doesn't make sense there's apparently no room for an OUTSIDE mat either.

Yes, this and he said right after she laughed in response to him saying they needed a door mat. How was he to know she wasn’t laughing at him?

I can see why he got upset when you laughed at him. I can see why you are upset that he called you an idiot. You both have hurt feelings and were both in the wrong.

You sound very rigid in your thinking about there being no possible way to have a doormat inside or outside, which seems like an unusual hill to choose to die on.

No, I'm saying that it's impossible that there isn't room for an OUTSIDE mat, as the OP claims.

Has the OP tried allowing other people living in the house to have their opinion or is it the usual MN, 'my way or the highway'?

She was laughing at him by the sound of it.

Which imo would mean the OP (just like everyone else) can be an idiot at times.

Her DH was also an idiot on this occasion for not removing his shoes when he came in, or at least checking them.

I really don't get the drama to be honest.

Supposing he did actually stand on that how would you then have cleaned the fox poo squished in it?

...but he'd have likely stepped over it coming in through the door. They're fine for outside stairs, but not inside a door.

its a hard floor, easily cleaned.

There's nothing stopping him from having opinions, or from buying a mat, him choosing to be upset at a complete non-event for 6 months is weird.

It depends on your relationship and this is new for you. My DH and I have always been quite spiky with each other with an undercurrent of jest so if he said it to me i’d laugh and roll my eyes. But if it is totally out of character for the dynamic between you then you are well within your rights to sit down and tell him later that his language hurt.

Get an outdoor mat.

I agree. Too much drama.

Wouldn’t she just throw it away? And have been upset if he did buy one behind her back?

Except he hasn't chosen to be upset for 6 months unless you know more than the OP?

"The thing is, it’s been such a non issue for these whole 6 months. Only one issue in all that time (today)."

Today it was an issue, so today was when he brought it up again that he was unhappy she threw the mat out.

The door mat wars of 2026

A single paving slab is £4.20 from B&Q. That's not much of an investment. The place for wiping dirty shoes is outside the house, particularly if you're wandering about where there's going to be poo. Why didn't he take his shoes of at the door if he knew he'd done it? Calling you an idiot is uncalled for but not the end of the world. I don't think you saying you don't want to talk to him anymore is much better actually and certainly won't resolve anything.

First time in 6 months, not having a mat has potentially caused an issue v rolling up a mat everytime the kids use the stools (meals/homework/chatting whatever) it's a no brainer for me.

then would you be wanting to wash a mat with fix poo trodden in, in the washing machine? I'd rather just clean the hard flour.

Dickhead could just remove his shoes as he steps inside.

£4.20 for a paving slab from b&q. Stick it outside and put a washable outdoor mat on it. Easy solution.

What isn’t so easy to work out is what other posters have referred to - is this a symptom of bigger problems?

I did. Comment stands 👍

What a dick

All of that!!