To be really upset about how DH just spoke to me??

[Chimney1]

The backstory sounds a bit weird, but anyway!!

I got rid of our back doormat about 6 months ago. There isn’t really space for one by the door as it interferes with being able to push the stools out at our breakfast bar. The backdoor isn’t used much in winter anyway, and in summer, I’ll just deal with cleaning the area.

DH is upset about this as thinks we need the mat. Today, he was outside and came in the backdoor and stepped in something (fox poo we think) and walked it inside. DD noticed and I said “yuck” or something. I wasn’t saying that to him, just at the situation, if that makes sense.

DH went on a tirade about this is why we need a door mat. I explained that the doormat I got rid of would have been worse (jute material), as it would have been awful to clean. He was insistent that that’s what doormats are for and was really acting in a way I didn’t like. He said everyone on this planet would agree with him. I sort of laughed to try and keep it a jovial disagreement, to try to defuse things, and said that I didn’t agree. He then said “you’re such an idiot at times!!!!”

DH has never said something like this to me before. We have been married for 12 years. Although I didn’t really like how he was speaking to me last weekend either, just more forceful than usual with his point of view.

Im really upset. I don’t think I deserved that comment. Although DD had left the room, she may have still been in earshot. I said to DH “that’s a horrible way to speak to me. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” He said something back, which I now can’t remember. AIBU?

If he’s that’s bothered he could have bought a new one himself couldn’t he :) sounds like a bit of an arsehole hope it’s a one off for your sake x

Im not SO against it at all. What a weird thing to say.

How is a thinner mat going to make it any safer for the children?? Stools will not slide on a doormat.

you nay not have been to the house but I'm sure you have encountered both mats & stools in the past. So this can't be exactly new news to you.

A man that puts his desire for a bloody doormat (instead of simply removing his shoes on the odd occasion he goes into the garden in winter) before the safety of his children is a dickhead in my opinion & if you don't like, that I'm not at all bothered.

I’m not sure why most people seem to be focussing on the doormat and the layout, when the issue is the way husband spoke to op.

Anyway, I agree with you, only you know what’s the norm and if he doesn’t normally speak to you like this I would ask if something is up with work etc. But ultimately the way we speak to each other is the corner stone of every relationship, so if he continues then I would say that’s an issue.

Why not? That's what an outdoor mat is there for!

I have a very absorbent door mat but that didn’t stop my partner traipsing dog shit through my kitchen when he stepped in some.
I’d assume your DH was stressed because he’d trod in shite and would give him some leniency but I’d also be telling him that if he spoke to me like that again his toothbrush would be getting up close and personal with the toilet rim.

As others have said, get an outdoor one. That’s the best of both worlds really, you can still wipe your muddy/ poo shoes before entering and then take them straight off once inside.

I’d be telling him to take his boots off before coming in the house. And yes, I agree with you. He doesn’t sound like a very nice person.

I think ive made my point pretty clearly, and i notice you've made yours repeatedly. Youve got your opinion, ive got mine. Its a shame you are unable to share your opinion respectfully, but you do you...

What about a trough outside the door filled with water to swill your wellies in.... if you're wearing wellies of course

This reminds me of a thread from quite a while ago entitled " DH startled me "

YAbothBU.
He shouldn’t have called you an idiot. You shouldn’t be so resistant to many of the suggested solutions.
We use our back door as our main door, it opens directly into the kitchen. As you walk in there are stools at our island. We have a thin hug rug doormat, the stools are fine. The rug is washable, essential as we walk the dog 3 times a day.

Surely you wouldn't clean a mat with fox poo,you'd just throw it away? He is just being an arse and a ride one at that.

Why would you waste money, and be bad for the environment, by throwing a perfectly good mat away when you can just wash it or even hose it down? What a wasteful, lazy, throwaway society we have become.

🤣

Bar stools, children tipping stools, husband treading in fox stools, what’s going on? You seem to have a very stool dominant family. Step away from the stools!

You are missing the point. OP's H was being disrespectful.

I'll clean just about anything but I'd like to see how you clean a door mat with fox poo on it, nigh on impossible in my experience. That stuff reeks.

And laughing at him wasn't?

The mat makes absolutely no difference, he stood in fox shit, brought it in the house, daughter said urgh, he felt a fool so then decided to blame his inneptitude for walking and not noticing fox poo underfoot, on an innanimate object, namely the mat.

When op tried to lighten the situation by saying yuk and laughing, she was trying to minimise his embarrasment, this didn't work so he turned the blame on her, you idiot for getting rid of the mat and you idiot for not agreeing with me.

Yeah, his lack of respect is hurtful, being called an idiot is not nice.

If other posters think being called an idiot is respectable then that is their buisness.

How do you come to the conclusion that he was disrespectful but she was not?

I'd find someone laughing at me way worse, and quite nasty.

And she started it by laughing at him when he’s the one who’s stepped in poo and probably feeling annoyed about it. It’s not like he did it deliberately.

Boot scraper? Outside. They take up less space than a mat

This very much reminds me of a woman I encountered on Friday.

I'm a supply teacher, and had spent the day in a local school. As I was leaving, I found myself in-step with another member of staff, but not someone I knew.
A man, presumably her husband, was a couple of steps ahead. He turned round, and barked "bloody hurry up!" and kept walking.

The woman looked at me, I looked at her. She just looked so downtrodden and sad. I really felt for her. She scuttled a few steps forward to catch him up, and he continued to berate her as she walked quietly next to him.

I get that she probably didn't want to get into an argument in the grounds of her place of work, but still. I hope she gives him what-for when they get to the car.

Fox poo is the worst. nothing will clean it off. A hard slab is the only solution.

What's really doing on OP because this is really not about a doormat as the reactions on both sides is disportionate?

You laughed at him and he called you stupid. Neither are great reactions. You both have responsible concerns - you tryimg to keep the children safe & he's also not unreasonable for thinking a poor mat is a good idea (essential some would say).

You've mentioned that you've been 12 years together and he's snapped at you two weekends in a row. Is this the real issue? Do you think your relationship is changing or there's something bigger wrong. I don't believe you would be this upset if there wasn't a deeper issue or concern.