To be really upset about how DH just spoke to me??

[Chimney1]

The backstory sounds a bit weird, but anyway!!

I got rid of our back doormat about 6 months ago. There isn’t really space for one by the door as it interferes with being able to push the stools out at our breakfast bar. The backdoor isn’t used much in winter anyway, and in summer, I’ll just deal with cleaning the area.

DH is upset about this as thinks we need the mat. Today, he was outside and came in the backdoor and stepped in something (fox poo we think) and walked it inside. DD noticed and I said “yuck” or something. I wasn’t saying that to him, just at the situation, if that makes sense.

DH went on a tirade about this is why we need a door mat. I explained that the doormat I got rid of would have been worse (jute material), as it would have been awful to clean. He was insistent that that’s what doormats are for and was really acting in a way I didn’t like. He said everyone on this planet would agree with him. I sort of laughed to try and keep it a jovial disagreement, to try to defuse things, and said that I didn’t agree. He then said “you’re such an idiot at times!!!!”

DH has never said something like this to me before. We have been married for 12 years. Although I didn’t really like how he was speaking to me last weekend either, just more forceful than usual with his point of view.

Im really upset. I don’t think I deserved that comment. Although DD had left the room, she may have still been in earshot. I said to DH “that’s a horrible way to speak to me. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” He said something back, which I now can’t remember. AIBU?

They start at a tenner on Amazon.

Just buy one and stick it outside, it doesn't matter if there's grass underneath it, just put a bit of plastic down.

This is what I think your DH should do.

I expect the OP would tell him they don't have room for one.

Thanks for that. As I’ve said upthread, we don’t have a lot, so no chance of us buying a house.

The perfect solution to a man walking in shite and having an emotional breakdown over it- buy a big house! 😄

OP take a breath. One unkind comment in 12 years doesn’t make the man a monster nor is it a reason to be really upset and stop talking to someone.

There is absolutely more to this story and why he reacted this way.

Let it go.

Buy a skinnier door mat then?

He has a real cheek calling you an idiot when he is the idiot who trod in the fox poo or whatever it was.

He sounds a really unpleasant man who doesn't like not getting his own way. You have presented very valid reasons here for getting rid of the mat. And honestly if the mat had been there you would probably have had to throw it out anyway after your silly H had trampled animal faeces over it.

I'm really sorry he is talking to you in this way. You say this isn't the first tome. Perhaps its time for a discussion about what is going on in your marriage

How is lauthing at someone going to make them feel better?
You dont want a soloution to fox pooh why? Outside mat...dig up patch of grass buy one slab to put it on, bigger patio by door equals less mess, thinner rubber mat inside, move the stools, shoe store by door.....who wants outside muck trapped in even if they are cleaning it up

I’m not talking about the doormat being an investment. 🙈🙈 I’m talking about making changes to the outside area. There is not enough space for a doormat outside the door at the moment.

The way he spoke to you has upset you, that's fair enough if it's not normal for you guys. I'd leave it a couple of days then talk to him about why he's doing angry.Upset/strssesd etc - what's really going on?

but about the doormat, explain your worry about the kids to him, if he's been a decent husband & Dad up to this point, why do you not think he'd understand that?

it's just a hard floor that can be cleaned. Kids face planting the counter & potentially knocking out teeth can cause a lifetime of problems for them.

Here we go. Super thin so will fit nicely for you and no need for a divorce!

That just doesn't make sense. If there's room for a person to get to your door, there's room for a mat!

Why was it okay for her to laugh at him? The op is saying she will clean up mess anyway so if her kids trapes in pooh all over floor and any carpeting whats she going to do rip it all up?

Stupid & nasty comment. They're renting '& money is tight. Are you offering to buy or even rent a bigger house for them??

You don't need to make changes to stick a little mat outside your door 😳

Op you could get a basket (inside) or lidded bucket (outside) to keep old towels in to throw on the floor for muddy shoes its what we did for our dog.

If only life was that easy.

Sounds like he over reacted and now you are. You got rid of the mat, and it would have come in useful, he was frustrated about walking poo in and everyone pointing it out and over reacted.

Door mats are like the size of an a3 sheet of paper and are less than £5 for basic ones, there’s no way you can’t fit a door mat inside or out without putting your children in danger.

Get a Turtle Mat.

They're thin. You can roll it up out of the way when you're using the stools. They go in the washer when they're dirty.

If if was the first time and he was angry, that’s horrible. Ye should probably talk it out op x

He's an arse for not taking his shoes off before entering the house, for walking in fox poo and not noticing, for being rude by calling you an idiot, for not putting his children's safety first over having a doormat, and for thinking wiping his feet on a doormat would have avoided treading poo into the house. It wouldn't.

He called you an idiot because you laughed at him when he tried explaining his opinion.

Eh, justified IMO. It's really not THAT bad.

OP, you say you don't think this is about the mat, but your entire thread is about the mat and how you can't possibly have one.

So I'm wondering - what are you avoiding talking about here?

What do you think is the real reason he went off on one? Does he do it over trivial stuff often? Or have just got the ick, so the door mat issue, the fox poo, the annoyance at you making light of something to the kids, is all flags to you about how much you don't want to be with him?

I also don't quite get how or why only your opinion and wants counts.

This.

I can’t imagine not having a door mat in my home, not without having everyone taking their shoes off on the door step. I’d hate people walking on my floors with their outside shoes on, and dragging poo through the house proves one is necessary.

Just don’t get a thick jute one again. Get a really flat, machine washable, JML type one.

When the kids are not sitting on the stools they are pushed in, the door opening is fine, the husband walking in the door is fine and the mat is fine. The mat impedes the kids pulling the stools out and in safely when they are sat on them.