Who should have been responsible for baby in this situation?

[Peachepan]

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old. It’s 7 am and I was getting ready for my fist weekend away to a European city with a friend:

I woke up early as I wanted to put in a bit of effort with my hair and make up. So I gave myself plenty of time.

Baby had been fed. Dog had been let out and fed too. I told dh you’ve got him [the baby] now. Dh points out you’re not due to leave for a few hours. So I should be the one with the baby. In a sling he suggests.

Fo context, Dh got home very late from work (1:45 am). He’s a business owner. And a recovering workaholic who is having the baby for the whole weekend. He’s obviously not thrilled being tied down for a weekend but it’s only fair I get so me time. And he promised when we had the baby he would adjust his ways.

Anyway there was a lot of sniping. And I ended with the baby. It just really pissed me off. As I wanted a leisurely morning. I was anxious as I was leaving the baby, out in the world for the first time in ages, not feeling great about my body etc.

Should dh have been more helpful?

If I got in from work at 2am and my DH wanted me to look after a 5 month old at 7am so he could spend time doing his hair I'd be a bit pissed off unless I was already awake! Had you let him know your expectations in advance?

I think you both need to talk more. You're both sleep deprived and it's so easy to get stroppy. If he was up to 1.45 and is having a 5 month old all weekend, he probably doesn't want to be up at 7 with the baby, and if you just sprung it on him as you describe, then no wonder he was cross. OTOH if he's a workaholic you probably feel you're usually doing things with the baby and want a break.

Another time maybe just arrange beforehand?

He knew I wanted to have the morning to “prepare” myself mentally. Dh is fully aware this pregnancy has knocked my confidence and I’ve had a tiny bit of the baby blues.

What is a recovering workaholic...do you mean he prefers to be at work or that he is recovering from burnout?

Honestly this.

In our house the one who is buggering off on a jolly generally "leaves things nice" for the other.

So all other things being equal unless you were very clear he was on the clock from 9am so you could get ready and he thought it was from 11am when you leave because you are the default parent yabu.

Buttttt it sounds like theres more at play here (the "recovering workaholic") and maybe worth looking at who is doing what more generally.
Maybe he can "work at" being arpund more and doing more parenting ?

For now have wine and Enjoy the weekend!

Your being unreasonable

I’ve gone out of my way to make it easy. House is spotless. Food has been meal prepped. Have arranged brother to take dog for a few long walks etc.

He has a tendency to over do it with work/his business. The long, unsociable hours didn’t overly bother me pre kids. But dh promised he would cut back once kids arrived as I didn’t want to feel like a single mother.

He's had 5 hours sleep and you're worrying about your makeup ! 🙄 I can see how that wouldn't go down well.

Do your make up in departures and let him get some sleep now, so he's better able to cope with 48 hours without any support.

And "prepare mentally" ? It's a weekend jolly not a pitch to a corporate financier,

YABU

5 hours is plenty when you have a baby. When does OP get a lie in?

I think in general your not being unreasonable to want support from him - and the good news is he seems to be giving it if you are heading off on a weekend away whilst he solo parents. In this specific example you are being unreasonable - having a few hours to get ready to go out just is not a thing when you have children - maybe the last 15 minutes....

I just didn’t want to leave the house feeling frazzled

I would have let him sleep and only woken him an hour before I needed to leave. It's all about give and take. You've got a nice long, leisurely weekend ahead of you - he doesn't. The hours he does at work (does he provide for you all?) are another matter to be discussed at another time and I'm not saying it's right or normal to get in at almost 2am at the end of a work day (unless it's shifts), but on this occasion, knowing that he was going to do all of the parenting for 48 hours, I would have let him rest.

You had fed the baby (and the dog) so what was there for him to actually do? He could have just put baby into the buggy and taken them out for a walk or to the park. Or just sat and watched TV.

I am with you, OP. Have a nice weekend.

I think expecting to have hours to groom yourself with awake small children around is unreasonable. How long do you really need to do your hair and put on a bit of makeup? My DH never begrudged me having a social life but I got very used to a quick turn around from being mum to going out on the town. I’m sure you look great without hours of getting ready.

If you'd been very clear with him then I would be a bit narked, ok.

Why did he need to get in at 1.45? Was that in the plan when he agreed to be up at 7?

The days that she's away on her trip?

It’s unfortunate you’re not feeling great about yourself but the amount of prep time you’ve suggested is unreasonable.
equally finishing work at past 9pm.

Yabu sorry. I also went away with friends when my baby was that age. Lots of people were surprised. DH hadn't spent that much time with the baby. We had both agreed it was important I got a break. So I'm behind that part of it all.

But looking for leisurely time in advance when he's only had a few hours sleep after work? This is incredibly selfish.

I do remember arriving to meet my group of friends barefaced and hair swept up to them all utterly glam and announcing "I'm away, that's the main thing".

You're deep in the trenches now and you have to pull together.

See this is what you should not have done!

Honestly, I just can't get my head around not wanting to leave my five month old for a weekend then prioritising hair and make up when I'm going to be away for the next few days

Why doesn't he like the baby?

It's the old "grey area" between him thinking he was taking over baby when, and only when, you leave the house - and you needing some time to prepare to go away.
Yanbu to want some support from your dh - and you will need to make sure you don't permanently become the default parent - i.e. the baby is yours unless you've expressly arranged it with him. It happens so often.
I notice you say left everything ready, organised & nice and clean for him - make sure he does the same for you, and you don't come back to a mess.

This. I went on a trip with a friend when her DD was around that age. She came down the stairs, said, "am I OK?" I said "you're covered in milk, change your top and we'll book" she did, we did, a great time was had by all.

Your friends love you and don't care if your hair is done. Wanting extra hours when the person holding the baby is tired is a bit unreasonable.

So she has to book a holiday to Europe away from her child to get a lie ini?