Who should have been responsible for baby in this situation?

[Peachepan]

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old. It’s 7 am and I was getting ready for my fist weekend away to a European city with a friend:

I woke up early as I wanted to put in a bit of effort with my hair and make up. So I gave myself plenty of time.

Baby had been fed. Dog had been let out and fed too. I told dh you’ve got him [the baby] now. Dh points out you’re not due to leave for a few hours. So I should be the one with the baby. In a sling he suggests.

Fo context, Dh got home very late from work (1:45 am). He’s a business owner. And a recovering workaholic who is having the baby for the whole weekend. He’s obviously not thrilled being tied down for a weekend but it’s only fair I get so me time. And he promised when we had the baby he would adjust his ways.

Anyway there was a lot of sniping. And I ended with the baby. It just really pissed me off. As I wanted a leisurely morning. I was anxious as I was leaving the baby, out in the world for the first time in ages, not feeling great about my body etc.

Should dh have been more helpful?

Do you have the same view on fathers that leave their babies too?

I use to feed wash dress my baby pop him in his bouncy chair mobile dangler over the top.
And get on with what I had to to.
No problems.

Pop him in the door way so could still see him, grab a shower, pull him in the bedroom get ready no problems.

In the living room sometimes in his walker some times in his ring, pop cartoons on or the news.
Hover up put laundry on etc.
Chating away to him.

To mentally prepare for anything no I was a mum and had to get things done.

Sorry OP but I agree. Your expectations of motherhood are pretty wild if you think it's normal to go away for a weekend at this age.

and before DH went off with mates for an entire weekend?
I'd be more than pissed off 😂

It's healthy to go away for the weekend, but stopping your partner having more than 5 hours because you want to faff with your make-up is ridiculous.

I am team DH

You have a baby and you want leisurely time? Good one.

And yet he didn't come home until 1.45am on the day you're going away?
I don't think the message is getting through to him.

Anyway, hope you have a fab weekend away and helps recharge the batteries.

then you shouldn't have had a baby 😂

I am all for completely equal co-parenting (and I am the first one to book my ticket sto have a bit of child-free time) but adding to your time away by wanting to lock yourself away from the kids (or baby in your case) is silly

I wouldn't be leaving my five month old baby for a whole weekend tbh, though I know many others will tell you to prioritise "you time".

And time to mentally and physically prepare for leisure time!

Well I wouldn’t think much of a father that did that / left mum with baby for a weekend of fun? No

but I do think it is worse from the mother because for 9months that’s all the bay knew. Baby’s react differently to mum than dad at that age

she DOES have leisurely time, baby's dad is looking after his own child at the weekend. That's the beauty of not being a solo parent.

What is ridiculous is waking someone at 7am just because you want to do your hair, when you could do it just as well with the baby. If you stop doing the most basic things with your baby, you are in for a very long and boring ride.

This, why not let him sleep until you actually need to leave?

This tbh. I’d want to soak up every minute with my baby before I went.

Not that I would or could leave even my 13 month old now, let alone at 5 months when ge was tiny.

Fathers are not mothers.

I'm a feminist and believe in society being arranged so that both men and women can fully participate in it. However, when it comes to parenting, I think mothers are the primary parent. Throughout a child's life but particularly in the early months and years. I have never seen a father parent with the same love and warmth and dedication that women offer. They can be wonderful and loving and engaged, but they're not mothers.

At that moment in time at 7am on less than 5 hours sleep
having made tomorrow nights tea wouldn’t of made any difference

Hmm…I can see both sides.
I am married to a workaholic (better now but I don’t think fully on the wagon!) Did he really, really need to stay that late or did he choose to? That is relevant here. If he was trying to get everything done so he could fully take the reins this weekend, fair enough. If he just chose to work extra hours (workaholics do this ALL THE TIME and it puts massive strain on their partners) and then got cross and resentful it’s a different story. Maybe if he came in at a more reasonable time more regularly you wouldn’t find it so frustrating, but it sounds like it’s a regular feature.

However, two hours to get ready is basically a luxury that doesn’t exist in early parenthood! One hour…maybe. I can see why he pushed back here.
Better communication is the key. What were you both expecting? Could you make that clearer in advance next time and compromise?

Apologies if you have already said but what time are you leaving the house ?

I have never seen a father parent with the same love and warmth and dedication that women offer.

That's incredibly sad. You would have loved to have seen my DH with our babies, right from birth. He did everything with them, loved spending time with them, played, cuddled, cooked, bathed, read to them, slept with them, sang to them, took them shopping for clothes, let them help him cook, all the things that mothers do. And he was a working dad too, still took his turn to get up in the night to feed, settle, soothe the little ones.

Has this weekend happened yet? How many days is it? It’s only Thursday today ?

It doesn’t matter how much love and affection dad has for baby, the hormones and smells are different and babies get less stressed with mum than dad

Did he go away for a weekend?

Why can't he take the dog on long walks?

Do you Op?

This is true.

He’s obviously not thrilled being tied down for a weekend

Why is he 'obviously' not thrilled at spending the wknd with his baby? Does he worry about you being 'tied down' at weekends?

This type of man makes me sick, they think looking after a baby is woman's work and nothing to do with them.

that's very scary that someone calling themselves a feminist can have such outdated views

I have never seen a father parent with the same love and warmth and dedication that women offer.

I don't know where you look but I've seen plenty. The ONLY difference is that only mums can breastfeed. Then it's down to individuals. And as not all woman care about breastfeeding, plenty of parents are equal.

Some new mums have no warmth and dedication towards their baby - too often for no other reason than untreated PND and the lack of support for new mothers, who are abandoned in the most disgusting way in this country but that's an entirely other thread.