Who should have been responsible for baby in this situation?

[Peachepan]

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old. It’s 7 am and I was getting ready for my fist weekend away to a European city with a friend:

I woke up early as I wanted to put in a bit of effort with my hair and make up. So I gave myself plenty of time.

Baby had been fed. Dog had been let out and fed too. I told dh you’ve got him [the baby] now. Dh points out you’re not due to leave for a few hours. So I should be the one with the baby. In a sling he suggests.

Fo context, Dh got home very late from work (1:45 am). He’s a business owner. And a recovering workaholic who is having the baby for the whole weekend. He’s obviously not thrilled being tied down for a weekend but it’s only fair I get so me time. And he promised when we had the baby he would adjust his ways.

Anyway there was a lot of sniping. And I ended with the baby. It just really pissed me off. As I wanted a leisurely morning. I was anxious as I was leaving the baby, out in the world for the first time in ages, not feeling great about my body etc.

Should dh have been more helpful?

It’s not just prep time. It’s having breakfast, showering, having a coffee - just not rushing as I am prone to anxiety these days.

Wow you are getting an unreasonably hard time OP! YANBU, he sounds like hes not pulling his weight. You were going away, of course you need time to get ready in peace. I doubt ne actually needed to be at work so late and Im guessing you usually do most bedtimes and mornings with baby.

Honestly it doesn’t matter.

you are away and he is stepping up. Enjoy your holiday and let it go. I assume you look clean and presentable. Being with your friends will do the world of good.

He's looking after the baby for the weekend so you don't get a 'leisurely' morning. You're having a 'leisurely weekend'

If he was going away for the weekend, would you be annoyed if he then extended it to a 'leisurely' morning too when you already are solo parenting all weekend?

I'd want to get ready and then spend those few hours WITH my baby who I wasn't seeing all weekend.

Oh I think YABU here OP. You don’t need a few hours to prep for a lovely weekend away! And I say this as a mum to a 21 month old and a 10 week old, he’s got home at 2am and having a 5 month old solo all weekend, I wouldn’t have got out of bed for you to spend 2 hours doing your hair either.

Generally if I'm going out then DH has the children whilst I get ready. I'm a big believer in mums taking time for themselves and dads being expected to do their fair share.

But in this scenario, there's no way I'd want him to get up early after working so late just so I could have an easier time doing my hair (and if the tables were turned, I'd be furious if he woke me up after a late night so he could get ready in peace).

you are away and he is stepping up

Give the man a medal for parenting his own child for a couple of days!

YABU.

Funny I never see these replies on the threads where a man is going away for a weekend while there is a young baby😂

Why does your husband get home from work at 1.45 am. Because it's essential or he likes to work those hours?

YABU leaving a seven month old baby for a weekend jolly and needing time to ‘be prepared.’

I know that’s blunt and a lot will think I’m out of order but it is what I honestly think.

<waits to be annihilated >

Could he have finished work earlier? I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all. Especially considering you’ve left everything clean, tidy and with food prepped.

Yanbu

I think no matter the circumstances, it's unreasonable to expect someone who got in from work at 2am to have the baby at 7am so someone else can primp and fuss.

But why did he get in at that time? If he was able to get home much earlier and didn't then it's down to him how little sleep he got.

YABU. He got in from work super late. You need some time off to get ready for your time off? If my husband did this to me, I’d be so pissed off.

‘Tied down for the weekend’…has no-one told him kids are for life 😂

Is DH working as well as looking after the baby today?

I think YABU in this instance. If you’re leaving such a young baby to go away tbh I’m quite surprised you wouldn’t want to have a last few hours with them before you go!

Actually I think the circumstances do matter. Did he come home that late because he had to or because he chose to?

The first part of your statement is utter shite!

He's a 'recovering workaholic' so addicted to work.

He would rather be at work than with his child. He deliberately worked far, far later than he needed to and expected to be able to lie in the next morning whilst his wife got herself and the baby up, fed, washed and dressed, sorted out the dog, cleared up the house and wanted half an hour to herself to get ready before leaving for her one weekend away.

And people think he's a saint for this? The bar is low here people.

Whatever the ins and outs of this particular situation (I think there are cases to be made on both sides), it's clear that he sees you as the 'default' parent. Probably something you both need to address. I've seen many new fathers suddenly 'have to' work long hours, so it's likely he'll go back to that, unless challenged.

I cannot see why.

To me if not be fussed with doing hair and makeup that early. It probably won't look all nice and neat and polished by the time you get to the airport so you may as well just do it there or on plane?

It sounds like there's more to it though and he hasn't historically pulled his weight when it comes to parenting. I just think this might not be the time to have a battle. It could set up your holiday in a negative manner.