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Original poster

To give up Housing Association house and buy house with partner?

294 replies

Housingquandary · 20/01/2026 22:08

I live in a new build HA house with my daughter. It's a 2 bedroom and is very small but it's a nice quiet area and lots of schools nearby.
My partner is divorced and lives with his mum , he has started talking about living together and getting a bigger place together. My place is nice but it really is noticably crampled especially when he stays over. We don't live together and I do like my own space , I also am terrified of getting a mortgage and the financial burden and responsibility especially now as I'm in early 40s, but the idea of a bigger house is so appealing. Would I be mad to give up my house and do this? I was so lucky and grateful to get this house in the first place.
It's an ok size for me and my daughter but when he is here, it just feels cramped and not big enough for 3 people. I should also add we have been together for 2 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
Housingquandary · 22/01/2026 17:56

Yes he's definitely not moving in, I like my space too much and it's cramped when he's here and stays over. It might be better in a bigger house but it's not worth giving up what I have just for that.

OP posts:
Mackerelfillets · 22/01/2026 18:13

No don't do it. Absolutely no way. You need to wait and think very carefully about how you feel about this man and what would happen if you split, not about how that would come about but the upshot.

Dissappearedupmyownarse · 22/01/2026 18:22

Housingquandary · 20/01/2026 22:08

I live in a new build HA house with my daughter. It's a 2 bedroom and is very small but it's a nice quiet area and lots of schools nearby.
My partner is divorced and lives with his mum , he has started talking about living together and getting a bigger place together. My place is nice but it really is noticably crampled especially when he stays over. We don't live together and I do like my own space , I also am terrified of getting a mortgage and the financial burden and responsibility especially now as I'm in early 40s, but the idea of a bigger house is so appealing. Would I be mad to give up my house and do this? I was so lucky and grateful to get this house in the first place.
It's an ok size for me and my daughter but when he is here, it just feels cramped and not big enough for 3 people. I should also add we have been together for 2 years.

Are you out of your mind OP?!
Take a 5min look on the relationships board here and see just how common it is for people to break up, get financially screwed, cheated on etc and then decide if this 2yr relationship is worth jeopardising yours and your daughters future housing security.

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 22/01/2026 18:24

Is he actually an elephant or something? How much more cramped can he make it? I think the suggestion of decluttering, and maybe having a furniture shift round is a really good one and hopefully it will make your home feel a bit more spacious.

My ex-MIL gave up a beautiful little HA house of her own to move in with her stupid boyfriend....less than two years later he'd beaten her up so she had to leave, and ended up in a one bed sheltered housing flat. It was such a shame for her. Im not saying your BF would be like him, but its about acting in your own best interests. Hold onto your house.

SpangleSparkle · 22/01/2026 18:29

Hmmm , if you no longer need a HA and can afford to buy or private rent, you should because keeping a HA house when you don’t need it blocks the system up.
However, in this instance you have your daughter to think about as your priority so I would stay in the house with you and your daughter and not commit to living with this man at the moment and maybe look into it when she’s older.

Tuesdayschild50 · 22/01/2026 18:56

I got my house when I was 46 I would not give it up for anyone and take a huge leap like this ( been there done that) even if I met someone who I truly loved I'm not sure I could give up my independence .
Your partner will be eager to do this because he lives with his mum but you have a secure roof with your daughter in a great place x
I'm thinking no.

Dawnb19 · 22/01/2026 19:03

I would probably live together for a year or so before buying a house together. They say you don't know someone properly until you live with them. Sharing and managing bills, cleaning and other things can really change a relationship.

Zov · 22/01/2026 19:25

MimiGC · 21/01/2026 15:00

@Zov I spat my tea out at ‘Olive from On The Buses’ - we are showing our age!

😆 She really does look like her though. 😂

Zov · 22/01/2026 19:26

TheyDontKnowWhy · 21/01/2026 15:15

Definitely keep your HA house, your rent is cheap, you have security, your house is brand new, you would be very silly to give that up. If you and your partner separated you would be stuck in a private rented accommodation with no security. In the early days of my relationship my ex and his mother tried to get me to give up my housing association tenancy to privately rent. I’m so so glad that I refused, I’m a single parent now and in a lovely new build home, I have security and peace of mind, please don’t give up your HA tenancy.

Wow, why? Why did your ex and his mother try to get you to give up your social housing home? What did it have to do with his mother?!

Zov · 22/01/2026 19:31

Housingquandary · 21/01/2026 23:06

Thanks to everyone who has replied, no I'm definitely not going to give the tenancy up,
I couldn't afford to buy on my own anyway.
I am going to stay put and keep things as they are. He hasn't pressured me or anything like that.
I also want my daughter to have a secure home if something was to happen to me and it was only through reading the posts which drove this home.
I'm go to concentrate on making my house feel more spacious and start decluttering , moving furniture around etc.

Just noticed this! Good for you @Housingquandary Excellent decision. 😃

Getting a good, decent, social housing home in a nice area, is like finding a 5 kilo bag of gold nuggets. I would keep hold of it. And ignore any haters who are jealous of you, who think you should give it up (or simply shouldn't have it.)

Whettlettuce · 22/01/2026 19:33

Housingquandary · 21/01/2026 23:06

Thanks to everyone who has replied, no I'm definitely not going to give the tenancy up,
I couldn't afford to buy on my own anyway.
I am going to stay put and keep things as they are. He hasn't pressured me or anything like that.
I also want my daughter to have a secure home if something was to happen to me and it was only through reading the posts which drove this home.
I'm go to concentrate on making my house feel more spacious and start decluttering , moving furniture around etc.

Children don't automatically get succession of tenancy, thats at the HA discretion it's spouse/partner that get it. Your child will more than likely not get the house. All that to say, how is the house cramped? It's a 2bed house not a shed ,he shouldn't take up that much room when he stays.

BunnyLake · 22/01/2026 19:41

No, I would keep my precious house (and I’m a home owner but wouldn’t give up what you have, in a nice area etc). If you have a long, secure future in that house then keep hold of it. I can’t comment on having someone live there as I will never live with a man again.

IWishItWasAutumnEveryday · 22/01/2026 19:42

You don't know someone until you live together, so it's a massive risk. I live in a council house and wouldn't give it up to buy a house with someone when we haven't lived together. Stay where you are, and as others have said, he can buy his own place, particularly as he is living with his parents, he will surely have said more than enough.

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/01/2026 20:12

Housingquandary · 22/01/2026 17:56

Yes he's definitely not moving in, I like my space too much and it's cramped when he's here and stays over. It might be better in a bigger house but it's not worth giving up what I have just for that.

Wise move

enjoy you and dd in th house and then a relationship with bf separate

Astra53 · 22/01/2026 20:34

No. Keep your own space with your daughter. If your boyfriend is keen to live away from his mum then he can do it solo. Let him put his money where his mouth is for a few years.

MaddestGranny · 22/01/2026 20:39

mumofoneAloneandwell · 20/01/2026 22:21

Yabvu sorry

you’re not even married (which you don’t need to be obvs but to give up your lifetime tenancy which can be passed onto your child, and the option to swap for another housing association house is insanity imo for a two year relationship

I would only leave if I could afford to buy on my own. Sorry to be so blunt xx

Edited

Absolutely agree with this. Do not give up your secure tenancy which could be passed on to your child. You'd be mad to do so.

Redragtoabull · 22/01/2026 20:44

Absolutely not! You pretty much have a home for life, and are a Mum to a 10 year old. My red flag would be a grown man still living at home himself. If he can afford to get a mortgage, why hasn't he? And if you say no, a grown man would understand and you both continue as is.
There's not a hope in hell I would be giving up mine and my daughters home for a 2 year relationship. Protect you both and stay as it is

Brainstorm23 · 22/01/2026 21:17

I wouldn't even let him move in with you. Let him move out of his mum's house either to rented or bought and see how he keeps the place. I'd be worried he's looking to swap one mother for another. How independent is he at home? Does he cook, do his own washing and ironing or is he waited on hand and foot?

Doubledenim305 · 22/01/2026 21:19

Haven't read whole thread but definitely don't do it. That house is security for you and your daughter.
He might fancy the idea of his own place but can't afford it unless you are inputting into it too.
Definitely definitely definitely definitely not.

Let him buy a bigger house himself and you can move in once you are married (and entitled to part of it if you break up)..
Do not gamble your security on a boyfriend

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/01/2026 21:20

Can people read op’s replies

he isn’t going to move in with her

she isn’t going to leave her ha home

Thirdchildjoy · 22/01/2026 21:20

It makes no sense to give up a social house once you get one! Certiantly not to buy with a newish partner.

Seagullstopitnow · 22/01/2026 21:29

Another absolutely not from me!
I sold my place for someone that lived with his mum.

Few years later I ended uo living with MY mum in my 40s with absolutely nothing to show for my hard work.

DO NOT DO THIS

GaIadriel · 22/01/2026 21:33

Could he get a place and you keep yours too? You could spend time there but still maintain a safety net. It'd be devastating if you spit up and had to pay full whack for a rental place. Not meaning to be the pessimist but you need to consider all the angles when making these types of decision.

FlyingCatGirl · 22/01/2026 21:34

mumofoneAloneandwell · 20/01/2026 22:21

Yabvu sorry

you’re not even married (which you don’t need to be obvs but to give up your lifetime tenancy which can be passed onto your child, and the option to swap for another housing association house is insanity imo for a two year relationship

I would only leave if I could afford to buy on my own. Sorry to be so blunt xx

Edited

But there's a shortage of social housing and the OP can afford to get a house with her partner! It's always been normal to live with a partner before marriage to make sure they are compatible. Why does the daughter need to be conditioned to rely on social housing? Houses need to be handed back for use by those that simply can't afford a home of their own! Surely if she's got a partner that changes benefits anyway, I'm not married to my partner but his finances get taken in to account if I needed benefits. I don't get this entitlement that social housing should be kept for the sake of it to give your kids a free gift but what you are doing is advocating kids not doing anything with their lives when they grow up and ensuring they don't thrive in any way because otherwise they won't meet requirements to get mums benefit house!

FlyingCatGirl · 22/01/2026 21:40

Housingquandary · 20/01/2026 22:08

I live in a new build HA house with my daughter. It's a 2 bedroom and is very small but it's a nice quiet area and lots of schools nearby.
My partner is divorced and lives with his mum , he has started talking about living together and getting a bigger place together. My place is nice but it really is noticably crampled especially when he stays over. We don't live together and I do like my own space , I also am terrified of getting a mortgage and the financial burden and responsibility especially now as I'm in early 40s, but the idea of a bigger house is so appealing. Would I be mad to give up my house and do this? I was so lucky and grateful to get this house in the first place.
It's an ok size for me and my daughter but when he is here, it just feels cramped and not big enough for 3 people. I should also add we have been together for 2 years.

You need to decide whether you want this relationship or not because it's pretty wrong to tie up social housing you don't really need and messing your partner about because you like the cheapness and easiness of a council funded property.