To give up Housing Association house and buy house with partner?

[Housingquandary]

I live in a new build HA house with my daughter. It's a 2 bedroom and is very small but it's a nice quiet area and lots of schools nearby.
My partner is divorced and lives with his mum , he has started talking about living together and getting a bigger place together. My place is nice but it really is noticably crampled especially when he stays over. We don't live together and I do like my own space , I also am terrified of getting a mortgage and the financial burden and responsibility especially now as I'm in early 40s, but the idea of a bigger house is so appealing. Would I be mad to give up my house and do this? I was so lucky and grateful to get this house in the first place.
It's an ok size for me and my daughter but when he is here, it just feels cramped and not big enough for 3 people. I should also add we have been together for 2 years.

Yes, I have heard this quite a lot. 😆 It's sooooooo true. I am not including the OP in this at all, as I don't know her/anything about her, but I know/have known a number of women who are absolute Vicky Pollards, and many are ideal candidates for The Jeremy Kyle show. But they have always got a man, and they have almost always got one living with them.

The 'relationships' rarely last, and every 5-6 months or so, she puts the obligatory 'I'm dun with men, just me and the kids now' post on Facebook. Then a couple of months later, 22 year old Darren moves in after falling out with his mum, and gushes about how he's so in love with her..' (She is often a single mum with 2-4 kids, who are sometimes not much younger than him!)

A woman who lives near me (about 40 y.o.) legit looks like Olive from On The Buses, but she works, (dropped lucky/council job/works from home - 2 days a week, and in the office 2 days a week.) She bought a repossessed house 4-5 years ago, (a little 2 bed) and since she has been here, she has had 7 different men. (She has a son aged 3 - and never talks about who the father is.)

5 of these men have lived with her. Every one has had posts over Facebook, saying 'I luv U Sharon, and are little family' with a photo of him, her, the little boy, and the 3 dogs. 6 months later, rinse and repeat. New man, so in love with Sharon, and their little family who 'means the absolute world' to him.

Every single one of the men had no home of his own (most were living with parents.) 3 of them were divorced and living with mum and dad, or a teenager/young 20-something desperate to leave home. Fuck knows where she is meeting these men. But they all fall so deeply in love with Olive Sharon. (Well.....For about 6-8 months anyway!) 😆

She has kicked every single one out, except her current one who has lasted 8 months so far. 19 y.o. doesn't work, doesn't drive, and does her DIY, walks the dogs, does all the gardening/mowing the lawn, and looks after the kid when she needs him to. Heaven knows how his mum feels about this. I wouldn't be fucking happy if it was my 19 year old son! Yes, yes I know he is an adult, but I would have every right to be concerned/pissed off...

I genuinely believe that none of these men would have even looked twice at her, had she not had her own house. (And had for example, been living with her parents, or in a house share with two or three other people....)

But yep! No man falls in love faster than a man who needs somewhere to stay! It's even an actual meme! 😂

As I said. NOT aimed at the OP!!!

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Do not gamble yours and your child's security of a stable home for a man. Please don't!

Encourage him to buy a place of his own.
Let him show he can run a home, keep it clean, be a good partner etc as an independent adult man. Like you are doing as an independent adult woman.

It doesn't need to feel cramped at yours. He can stay at yours with an overnight bag. You can stay at his own place when he's moved out of mummy's house. Does he have kids?

A nice HA house, in a nice area is like a lottery win op. Especially when you have a child to think of. Please don't gamble that on a man.

@Zov I spat my tea out at ‘Olive from On The Buses’ - we are showing our age!

Oh, so the OP hasn’t returned - after telling us how fond her ten year old daughter is of her mother’s boyfriend?

The fact that you “know/have known a number of women” who behave in this manner says a lot about your social circle. I would pick better friends.

Definitely keep your HA house, your rent is cheap, you have security, your house is brand new, you would be very silly to give that up. If you and your partner separated you would be stuck in a private rented accommodation with no security. In the early days of my relationship my ex and his mother tried to get me to give up my housing association tenancy to privately rent. I’m so so glad that I refused, I’m a single parent now and in a lovely new build home, I have security and peace of mind, please don’t give up your HA tenancy.

Not in a million years would I give up a Housing Association house for a man .
If he meets someone else ,or you decide he's an arse to live with ,you will be stuck .
Your daughter has security in that home ..why rock the boat

No. Please don't do that. He buys a flat for himself if he wants to buy but two years in nothing and you have a secure house. Don't risk it

exactly that.
You would be crazy to change the set up.
She can still be fond of him when he's not living there.
2 years is no that long!

Aside from all the other issues it would be absolute insanity to buy a house with someone you have never lived with before.

@Housingquandary has he ever lived independently of a woman? If the answer is no, then I wouldn't move in with him.

I had an opinion when I read the title of your post. Reading your post, I've changed my view and think you should stay where you are. If he was living independently, buying somewhere together might be an option. But no, he's living with his mum.

Don’t do it!

Thanks to everyone who has replied, no I'm definitely not going to give the tenancy up,
I couldn't afford to buy on my own anyway.
I am going to stay put and keep things as they are. He hasn't pressured me or anything like that.
I also want my daughter to have a secure home if something was to happen to me and it was only through reading the posts which drove this home.
I'm go to concentrate on making my house feel more spacious and start decluttering , moving furniture around etc.

Excellent decision..xx

Puberty is a strange time for young girls, pls don't rush into moving him in.

Does this mean you pay rent and is this paid for by UC or do you pay it? Asking because when a single parent and HA there are good benefits for this.

It may feel a bit cramped when he's there but there are families living in much more cramped houses so it more comes down to how you get along, not the space.

He's divorced so did have his own house.

Having a mortgage is always better than dead money renting.

He could get his own place, does he need to rely on you to contribute?

Small steps, getting a bigger house doesn't need to be now.

Good decision.

I’m pleased. It is the right decision.

Not a chance. If the relationship is stable in a couple if years maybe discuss him joining your household, with transparency with the HA of course, but to give it up when you have a 10 year old to consider? No way.

Having a mortgage is not always better than 'dead money renting' it depends on your circumstances. A secure HA tenancy is much better for some people than a mortgage and all the additional costs of home ownership, especially if their life has been impacted by severe ill health or a life changing event. Dead money renting in my view applies to the private letting sector.

Don't do it. You haven't been together long and you'd be giving up the security.

I’m glad you’ve taken on board the almost unanimous advice here.

However - please don’t rearrange your own house to accommodate a man who is unrelated to your daughter. She needs privacy and security as she goes through puberty. Also remember she may be masking her real feelings towards having this man around in order to please you. Think very hard about how you would feel in her position. And maybe carry on your relationship outside her home.

So he won’t be moving in ? Is that what you mean by keeping things as they are

Could you do a swap for a larger place? Then you would not lose your tenancy

But she would lose her sole tenancy, which she can be sure of, regardless of passing relationships.